GoodOnPaper Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I'm a shy woman. I would prefer a guy who is a bit more like me in nature but I also prefer alpha males because they actually let me know they like me and they make a move like asking me out. Shy guys tend not to. While I think sometimes the shy guys like me, they don't let me know and it leaves me unsure about them. In the end, I have to assume they just want to be friends or risk getting rejected myself. I think that assumption could be OK only if the shy guy in question is older (at least mid-30s) with some decent life experience under his belt -- he may be choosing to be the quiet type. A better assumption for younger shy guys (teens & 20s) is that they are shy because they are unsure of themselves socially -- in reality, they like women and want sex just as much as the alpha males do. And guys who struggle to attract women because of shyness rarely want to be "just friends" with the few women that they actually muster up the courage to socialize with and get to know. Of course, that still leaves you wondering how assertively you can push things. I'm not a fan of the woman doing all of the approach work -- from the shy guy's perspective it sounds very good in theory but without the motivation to pursue, I think it's very difficult for a guy to fall in love even if/when things proceed to an LTR.
Skump Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Are fat girls more attracted to fatties than studs? No... Shyness is effectively an X-linked disorder. It only persists in the population because women aren't expected to nut-up (heh) and take the initiative in dating. The condition can therefore "hide" in women, for whom it isn't a severe reproductive disadvantage. It's a terrible characteristic for men that's likely to cause significant harm to personal and professional relationships. It should probably be treated with therapy and, if necessary, drugs.
oaks Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I know this wasn't the question, but I think being a shy guy must hurt your chances in dating because it means you ask fewer girls. To some extent dating is a numbers game (not entirely - there are other elements and other ways to play), and confident guys ask more girls so improve their chances of having one say "yes". Ross, ask more women. Pretend to be confident - they don't know any different!
Eeyore79 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I'm a shy girl, and I prefer a guy who is shy and quiet. I'd rather be with someone who's similar to me in temperament, because loud people make me feel uncomfortable and outgoing people want to socialize more than I do. Also I'm non-competitive and a little insecure, so I'm not interested in a guy if he's extremely popular and there are loads of other girls chasing him.
fishtaco Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Shyness is effectively an X-linked disorder. It only persists in the population because women aren't expected to nut-up (heh) and take the initiative in dating. The condition can therefore "hide" in women, for whom it isn't a severe reproductive disadvantage. It's a terrible characteristic for men that's likely to cause significant harm to personal and professional relationships. It should probably be treated with therapy and, if necessary, drugs. Interesting, that makes sense. I'm a shy girl, and I prefer a guy who is shy and quiet. I'd rather be with someone who's similar to me in temperament, because loud people make me feel uncomfortable and outgoing people want to socialize more than I do. Also I'm non-competitive and a little insecure, so I'm not interested in a guy if he's extremely popular and there are loads of other girls chasing him. The problem is shy guys won't ask you out, because they're shy. And you won't ask them out, because you're shy. So how does this work? At one point I was shy. Couldn't even talk to women. I'd stutter and all that. Well, I changed. If someone as generic and unimpressive like me can change, so can anyone.
somedude81 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 The problem with this thread is that there is a big difference between shy and alpha/outgoing. I was definitely quiet in my youth but now I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I don't like going up to random people and talking to them, but I don't have any issue talking to people I've been around for a little while. I ask out every girl I'm interested in once I feel I gained enough rapport. As I've stated many times on this forum, I have no luck at all with getting women. I have no idea if it's because I'm not very outgoing, or if it's because I'm not tall or really good looking. One thing I have learned, is that women do not like men who are quiet. If the man is shy and quiet, then it means that the woman has to do all the work in initiating conversations with him and keep them going. The only reason why a woman would ever do this, is if she was physically attracted to him. Which would mean that the guy is just a really good looking guy who is quiet. If he wasn't good looking, no woman would bother with him.
anne1707 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 What is some woman's alphamale, will be another woman's betamale. And now I will stop using the derogatory judgemental labelling of people. Ross - we are all individuals. Nobody is better or worse than you. You are just as you should be and if you are to change, that is entirely up to you. You talk of shyness - this will not appeal to all women just as being very extravert will not appeal to all. What I do see with you is a growing quiet confidence - work on this and it will put you in good stead for meeting women in the future.
Dan The Stud Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 What is some woman's alphamale, will be another woman's betamale. And now I will stop using the derogatory judgemental labelling of people. Ross - we are all individuals. Nobody is better or worse than you. You are just as you should be and if you are to change, that is entirely up to you. You talk of shyness - this will not appeal to all women just as being very extravert will not appeal to all. What I do see with you is a growing quiet confidence - work on this and it will put you in good stead for meeting women in the future. canned response which is useles. girls need alphamales.
anne1707 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 canned response which is useles. girls need alphamales. Girls may need them, Women don't.
Dan The Stud Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Girls may need them, Women don't. women too. they just dont know it.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 What I do see with you is a growing quiet confidence - work on this and it will put you in good stead for meeting women in the future. Thanks. I'm quite surprised how several people have noticed this. I had no idea it was showing through my posts.
Mr. Savage Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 I am 6'3", very athletic, been told I am quite attractive and yet I have been shy my entire life around girls I do not know. Its funny cause where I work I know everyone and am very open and confident with people I know. So when a new girl starts and sees me talking and getting along with everyone I wonder if she thinks I am an alpha? Cause I am still scared to death to go up and talk to her directly at first.
somedude81 Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Mr. Savage, what's your dating/relatonship history?
Mr. Savage Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 almost no dating experience. I landed my first real girlfriend about 5 months ago at the age of 28! I am VERY shy around people I dont know. But am the opposite around people I know well. I didn't use to look the way I do now. I was tall in my early days but overweight and wore big ugly glasses so when I matured into what I am today all that insecure baggage came along. My first girlfriend just could not believe that I had no experience. She would tell me "you could get any girl you want, I can't believe this!" But it wasn't always like that.
somedude81 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Ah that explains it. Obviously women weren't into you when you were fat and nerdy. It wasn't until you grew up that they started to become interested. Even then your insecurity probably kept them at bay. With your girlfriend, who approached whom?
Ruby Slippers Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Though I make myself be outgoing and extroverted for specific purposes in my life, I am by nature a more reflective, observant introvert in larger groups. But with the people closest to me, I'm very animated and expressive. I'm most drawn to guys who are similar to me -- thinking men on the quiet, reflective, observant side in big groups, but animated and expressive in more private situations. Loud talkers with a lot of activity around them but little substance repel me. The only catch is that he has to be confident enough to approach me and get the conversation going.
Tybalt Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 The other night I went on a first date with someone, and at one point he said, "You are just so outgoing and lovable." This is funny to me because I'm quite introverted, an INFJ in the Meyers-Briggs category. However I've been a theatrical and musical performer for some time and I have learned to push through my internal awkwardness or discomfort and talk to people, joke around, etc. Being shy by nature doesn't mean you have to be sidelined. All being introverted really means is that you renew or gain your energy by being quiet and alone, which is true for me. Extroverts draw energy from interacting with other people, I have my energy drawn from me by doing this, but I'm still able to interact socially. It is a honed skill for some. When I meet a shy guy, I do find it harder to assess how he feels about me, but with a little patience and observation I can usually figure it out. And some of the best boyfriend/partner type men are a little reserved. Nothing wrong with taking a little time to really look at the substance of someone rather than being distracted by the shiniest object on the shelf.
TheLawmaker Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 almost no dating experience. I landed my first real girlfriend about 5 months ago at the age of 28! I am VERY shy around people I dont know. But am the opposite around people I know well. I didn't use to look the way I do now. I was tall in my early days but overweight and wore big ugly glasses so when I matured into what I am today all that insecure baggage came along. My first girlfriend just could not believe that I had no experience. She would tell me "you could get any girl you want, I can't believe this!" But it wasn't always like that. This makes me feel more optimistic about the future! Work on improving your self confidence. Have you thought about therapy? Worth a shot.
Eeyore79 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 The problem is shy guys won't ask you out, because they're shy. And you won't ask them out, because you're shy. So how does this work? What used to happen when I was younger is that the shy guys would stand aside while I was approached by more outgoing men. I would then agree to a date with Mr Outgoing, since I was lonely and he was the only man who had approached me. As time passed, it would become obvious that we were incompatible; maybe we would argue, or I'd become frustrated because he didn't share my interests. We didn't spend time together because we liked different things, or maybe he would even cheat on me. Repeat this scenario half a dozen times, and I wised up. I became clearer about what sort of guy I wanted, and realized that sort of guy wasn't the type who was approaching me. I decided that if I wanted a compatible boyfriend I'd have to make more effort, which was really difficult for me as a shy person. I turned down dates with guys who were obviously the wrong type, and tried to make my interest known to men who appeared to be my type but hadn't approached me. I tried online dating, and eventually ended up dating a guy at my dance class - it took seven months of me trying to express my interest for him to pick up on it and ask me out directly
Ouroboros Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 A shy woman is still a woman. She prefers what all women prefer.
eastsunshine2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Just a thought that crossed my mind a while ago. No Im shy til I get to know them and but prefer outgoing and funny
Ouroboros Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 He is hoping a shy girl will appreciate him for him but they won't. Sorry.
Dusk1983 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) Though I make myself be outgoing and extroverted for specific purposes in my life, I am by nature a more reflective, observant introvert in larger groups. But with the people closest to me, I'm very animated and expressive. I'm most drawn to guys who are similar to me -- thinking men on the quiet, reflective, observant side in big groups, but animated and expressive in more private situations. Loud talkers with a lot of activity around them but little substance repel me. The only catch is that he has to be confident enough to approach me and get the conversation going. That's not just a catch, it's a huge issue! If a guy approaches you with confidence it means he approaches girls regularly, which I'm afraid means he's probably the exact kind of guy you sayyou don't want. It's a basic but fundamental flaw with how women think and what they expect. Edited June 13, 2011 by Dusk1983
VertexSquared Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 My girlfriend and I are both like that -- fairly quiet/reflective/observant in large groups, but quite talkative and animated in small groups. There are plenty of people (my girlfriend included) who do not like super-extroverted people (lack of substance, potentially dishonest motives, etc) and find shyness endearing. It's a very open-ended preference, though, and I don't think you're going to find a significantly convergent average answer on this one in practice. The problem with being shy is that people can mistake it for arrogance or disinterest, or they find it flat-out impossible to determine what you're thinking. It takes extra effort to go out of the way to level the playing field with a shy person as well.
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