DontWorryBHappy Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Why do some dumpers feel that they need to call, or text, or find some way to get back in touch after THEY broke it off?? My ex and I broke up about 6 weeks or so ago. He told me he no longer loved me. Unfortunately we still live in the same area, and I've run into him occasionally since. During the first few weeks I was more vulnerable and we would talk and hang out when I ran into him. But of course I would get emotional again and we basically said goodbye for real. Yet still the next time I ran into him (about a couple weeks ago) he pretty much followed me on the sidewalk asking if we were still talking. I said no, and he went away. Figured that was it. But now today I have a missed call from him. At this point all our stuff has been given back, and there is no reason why he should be contacting me. Of course he didn't leave a voice mail, so I'm annoyed at the fact that he's called, annoyed that he said things like "it's too painful to see you, so I would rather not see you" but then when he does see me, he asks if we're talking and tries to be friendly. And when he hears nothing or sees nothing of me, he rings my phone. I suppose this is what emotionally unavailable people do?
Exit Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Who knows what his motivations are. If he didn't leave a voicemail obviously it wasn't very important. Brush it off and keep moving on.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 I hate that he called. Because now, just KNOWING that he did, is causing me to think about why he was calling, and about him in general. I know that he was probably just calling to say something extremely lame like, "Heyyy how's it going? Just wanted to see how you are?" and perhaps put in another bid for a friendship or whatever. Obviously I'm ignoring. But even having to ignore him annoys me. I would rather he not have called, so I wouldnt have to "ignore him." So dumb.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Its crazy how much one phone call can rattle a person. He called yesterday and I didn't answer. Since then I have felt this weird guilt and maybe a little fear too. I guess I'm thinking, maybe he won't call again (would I even want him to?) and that will be it. I know I'm still not over the break up, or else I wouldn't be on here writing this. It's hard rejecting someone who you still, dare I say, care for. And to have to treat them like a wrong number. I fought the urge yesterday to call him back. If I call, that negates what I said before (the last time I saw him) when he asked if we were still talking (I said no). It also would soothe his ego, and believe me, his ego doesn't need any soothing... it needs time to rust away and fall apart (lol). If anyone can reassure me that I've made a good choice by not calling back, that would be nice.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I know it's racking your nerves that he's called, but my philosophy is... if you don't leave a message it's not that important like Exit said. You're doing the right thing trust me. Like you said... he's probably calling to say something like "are we really not talking?" or "i just wanted to hear your voice". Aren't you tired of the games. You gave him a straight answer when he asked last time. No means no... You've got to heal and it sucks that he's trying to force you to do it on his terms because he wants to be friends when you're not ready. You did the right thing girl. Stay strong. We're here for you.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Thank you so much for replying. I feel as though I'm in a danger zone here, and the alarms are flashing. I have the urge to text or call back and find out why he was calling. But I have to remember this is the same person who said he doesn't love me, and who I cried to, saying I didn't want to lose him. But all he could say is, "It hurts that I can't change anything." Plus I know that his ego desperately needs to be torn down, even just a little bit. I don't trust him at all... as far as I'm concerned, he hasn't shown anything that would make me think he's actually interested in speaking to me on a level worthy of decent humans. This was the guy who tried to kiss me and cuddle with me last time I saw him (after the break up) just because it's what he wanted at the time. But had no intention of it being anything more than an opportunity to have his cake and eat it. For God's sake, we live in the same apartment complex. I know if anything he has to say has even a mild degree of importance, he could easily find me..... NC...
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 You all might kill me, but I caved and texted "Why did you call yesterday?" He responded that he had my tennis racket, in which I told him to drop it by the door whenever. He then said, "I also wanted to talk. if u wanted to." to which I asked, "What is it that you want to talk about". And you know what he replied to that?? He said, "Dont worry about it. I'll drop it in front of ur door." To which I said nothing. So yeah, he's just dicking around as usual. When I actually asked what it is that he wants to talk about, he had NOTHING to say. Because he doesnt actually have anything to talk about. All he wanted was another stupid excuse to see me and and feed his damn ego!!!!!!! He can go screw himself.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 This is officially a terrible day. Somehow I've gone to feeling like utter crap. Just thinking about how i'm worth nothing more (so it seems) to this guy than someone he throws little crumbs at to stoke his ego, or whatever. And this other guy I know... my "friend".... we have fooled around a few times and that's our friendship. He probably doesnt actually value me at all as a friend. There isn't one person who truly, truly from the depths of their heart values me as a friend. There's one girl who doesnt live around here who might beg to differ, but i'm not even sure about that. We hardly talk. Not that I blame her AT ALL. I mean, she's got a life and she doesn't live here. I just sent a half-lashing out text to my ex. Basically it said, "Also if you find anymore of my stuff after you return the racket, if you do return it, keep it or throw it out. I wont know the difference. That way you wont need to contact me." It wasnt an outright nasty message, but my distaste comes through. Yes, I sent it during a weak moment. Even if it was a bad idea, at the very least, his excuse of contacting me to give stuff back just became unusable. I feel awful. I've closed myself off from people and dont know how to open up again. One girl I sort of know ran into me a bit ago today, and I had to struggle a bit to appear happy to see her. I have some kind of mental blockage that keeps me from maintaining friendships... so I push them far away instead. It's a lonely ****ing life.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 He replied back to my last message, in three separate texts. Txt 1: Feels like you just don't want to talk to me anymore. or want to erect my existence. (I guess he meant "erase") Txt 2: Are you? Txt 3: Do you want me out? Completely? I responded with this: X, for me to be able to continue moving in the right direction, I cant talk to you or see you. So yes, I have to ask you to not contact me anymore. I may give a little wave or smile in passing, but thats all I can offer. I really hope you are doing well and are happy. and that you will respect this choice. I wish you the best, I really do. Have not heard anything back, and do not know if I will. If he took the message as exactly what it was and took it seriously, then I suppose I will not be hearing from him. It did hurt to send it. I guess the tone of it was fairly to the point, but definitely not callous. I still cannot bring myself to be callous toward him. I still care. I guess this kind of message had to be sent, because it seemed that he wasnt going to get it unless I spelled it out for him. I do wish him the best, and I miss him (or the parts of him that I liked... and the memories that were good). It's so hard to say goodbye to someone you care about. Kind of sucks that I just said goodbye again and the break up was a month and a half ago. I dont really want to have to say goodbye again.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 *hug* you'll be ok. We'll make it through another day.
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