woodman26 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 We've been married for almost 5 years and we have 4 year old twin boys (the only reason for my happiness). We were living on an island for the majority of our marriage, but recently moved back to the mainland in hopes to re-ignite our love for each other, but alas, it is not working. We moved into my parents house initially so that we can save and eventually move to our own place within the year. Yesterday, she actually said she wants a divorce. She is jobless and relies on me to provide everything for us (and I do, willingly because I want to and it is my duty). I can't just send her on her way, because she literally has nothing. Neither of us can live a day without our children, but I have a career, and she has all the time to be the stay-at-home mom. We separated for a few months last fall-winter, and with an ocean in-between us, we felt that emptiness inside and when we reunited, we found that we never wanted to experience that time apart again. HERE WE ARE AGAIN! Nothing seems to be working for us. Both of our heads and stomachs are spinning and there doesn't seem to be a clear answer.
Mauschen Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Try visiting marriagebuilders.com and reading His Needs Her Needs and Love Busters books. Perhaps some of the advice in those books will help! What are the major problems in your marriage? Why does your wife want a divorce?
Author woodman26 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 As with all similar cases, communication is a huge problem. We've been in the "room-mate" situation for some time now. Nothing in common, day to day annoyances, I work a lot to provide but don't talk about my daily work activities with her because work is work and I'm done with work when I get home. SHE DOES NOT TRUST ME WITH ANYTHING OR ANYONE. I feel like I'm constantly under her microscope. She openly admits to going through my emails, phone messages, internet history, etc. This isn't a healthy relationship at all. It's a constant f-d up game every day. I wake up everyday assuming that she is in a bad mood and wants nothing to do with me. I feel like she just sees the negative in me and HER glass is ALWAYS half empty. This makes me just steer clear of her all day in hopes she can just snap out of it and just be how we use to be.
jaded22 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 You fail to mention why she goes thru all your stuff and why she doesnt trust you, what happened to make her not trust you with anything or anyone, that just doesn't some naturally.
Author woodman26 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 Thanks for the book suggestion. It already seems like it's hitting the right nerve. However, it sounds so easy and the concepts are true, yet the effort is hard and trying. I'm just so exhausted with "trying to make it work" again, and again.
Author woodman26 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 I hesitate to use "affair" because it was a very short "fling" and sex (although it got very close) did not occur. It happened 4 years ago and I have since changed a lot about myself and have curbed such temptations (although not entirely due to my nature). I have (and always had) a very strong sexual appetite and during our first years together, we were very active (hence the kids). She use to wake me up at 4am, at my folks house, and want it. That is a distant memory. But is that the answer? She just needs to satisfy my sexual needs? And I need to satisfy her emotional needs? It seems like that is what every author/psychologist is saying. That by doing just those things will cure this popular problem. I want to hear it from somebody that has tried just that, and see if it really works. I'm just not sure if I CAN fulfill her emotional needs. Especially if I've have caused her the emotional damage in the first place. Can her trust be recovered? Does she really WANT to see the positive in me? Or does she just want to involuntarily punish me and keep me prisoner as to make me feel the same pain she copes with everyday?
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