rafallus Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 If women are of legal age, then I'd blame it on envy of others who want some "eye candy" themselves, but can't have it.
Eeyore79 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I think it's a little odd if an adult is dating someone who isn't even old enough to drink. There's a huge gap in experience and maturity between a teenager and an adult in their twenties; two older people with the same age gap wouldn't have the same disparity in maturity. The issue isn't the age gap in terms of years, it's the fact that one person is a mature adult while the other is still essentially a kid in an emotional sense. The things an adult wants are sometimes things that a teenager isn't ready for, and I know people who feel like they were abused because when they were teenagers an adult pushed them into having an adult relationship that they weren't ready for. Sure, it wasn't illegal because they were over the age of consent, but it was still damaging. I don't have a problem with anyone dating someone 10-20 years younger than themselves, as long as both parties are mature adults who can handle a relationship. I just think there should be a line drawn between an adult and a kid, and imo that line is not the legal age of consent. An 18 year old might be legal but she's sure not grown up in an emotional sense, and is unlikely to be ready for a sexual and emotional relationship with a man a decade older than herself. 21+ seems ok to me; at least then you're both adult enough to have a glass of wine when you go out for dinner!
aj22one Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I think it's a little odd if an adult is dating someone who isn't even old enough to drink. There's a huge gap in experience and maturity between a teenager and an adult in their twenties; two older people with the same age gap wouldn't have the same disparity in maturity. The issue isn't the age gap in terms of years, it's the fact that one person is a mature adult while the other is still essentially a kid in an emotional sense. The things an adult wants are sometimes things that a teenager isn't ready for, and I know people who feel like they were abused because when they were teenagers an adult pushed them into having an adult relationship that they weren't ready for. Sure, it wasn't illegal because they were over the age of consent, but it was still damaging. I don't have a problem with anyone dating someone 10-20 years younger than themselves, as long as both parties are mature adults who can handle a relationship. I just think there should be a line drawn between an adult and a kid, and imo that line is not the legal age of consent. An 18 year old might be legal but she's sure not grown up in an emotional sense, and is unlikely to be ready for a sexual and emotional relationship with a man a decade older than herself. 21+ seems ok to me; at least then you're both adult enough to have a glass of wine when you go out for dinner! I have to disagree here. Lawmaker has been languishing in singledom (and seemingly loneliness) I think he should go for whatever girl he finds himself attracted as long as she's of legal age. In principle I agree that under normal circumstances a 28 year old should look for people closer to their own age (say 20-21 or older). But principle is meaningless when you're the 28 year old virgin.
aj22one Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Eeyore wants to point that out every single time. There's no use arguing with her. She has her view as a mother, and I have my view as a 28 year old virgin. Both views don't balance each other. That's a lame excuse. When my cousin was in a similar position as you (29 years old dating a 19 year old) his mother was the first person to encourage him to pursue the relationship. Do what you need to do man. If someone has a problem with it, well, I guess it sucks to be them.
grkBoy Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I think the only people who give flack at those for dating younger are those who feel like they've been cheated in this. So let's say you have a 35 year old guy who ends up dating women aged 21-24. I think that women who call him "pedophile" are more or less angry that now they've been rejected from his standards because they're too old, or worry that other men will follow suit and thus these women will be seen as "over the hill". In the case of men calling such a guy "pedophile", I wouldn't be surprised if they're younger and now are irked that older men are "taking their women away". I don't see it as bad if you're 28 and want to date women aged 19-24. I think it's bad if you wanted to date 16 year olds. Age is just a number, and I tend to stay around my own age because I just think the younger women are immature. I like to stay in, cook, and watch movies now. My wild days of nightclubs are behind me, but younger women still like to go out partying all the time. So why would I want to date a girl who obviously has a different lifestyle from my own?
sm1tten Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I'm not interested in men who are much older or younger than me, intellectually, emotionally, or physically - they are usually missing something in the equation for me. I'm not terribly interested in what other people are doing anyway, so I wouldn't say I think that the gaps are gross... they do raise my eyebrow at times but I'm not the one doing it so what do I care?
udolipixie Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I think the only people who give flack at those for dating younger are those who feel like they've been cheated in this. So let's say you have a 35 year old guy who ends up dating women aged 21-24. I think that women who call him "pedophile" are more or less angry that now they've been rejected from his standards because they're too old, or worry that other men will follow suit and thus these women will be seen as "over the hill". In the case of men calling such a guy "pedophile", I wouldn't be surprised if they're younger and now are irked that older men are "taking their women away". I don't see it as bad if you're 28 and want to date women aged 19-24. I think it's bad if you wanted to date 16 year olds. Age is just a number, and I tend to stay around my own age because I just think the younger women are immature. I like to stay in, cook, and watch movies now. My wild days of nightclubs are behind me, but younger women still like to go out partying all the time. So why would I want to date a girl who obviously has a different lifestyle from my own? No those aren't the only people The ones who will give him flack for the age thing are: 1. mothers because they feel it's wrong to date in an age range where the maturity level is by default way lower than yours 2. women who feel cheated 3. people who think it's wrong no reason or for the mere reason they need a friend. Yes women who feel cheated are one who will give flack to guys who date much younger but they're not the only ones. Dating younger is just like dating only attractive guys, only dating non shy guys, or dating only guys who make a certain amount of money. Yes men who feel cheated are one who will give flack to these preferences but they're not the only ones. Those that think she's shallow will give flack. Actually a better comparison is an average girl who doesn't date her fellow average guys and only dates above average guys. The flack she gets won't be only from guys who feel cheated but those who think she's shallow. ople who think it's shallow will also give flack. It's funny how guys only say age doesn't matter when it's about their own age or when dating much younger. Also funny how most guys try to deny there may be valid reasons to give flack besides legal reasons or those that feel cheated.
udolipixie Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I don't see many guys getting upset when a girl rejects him for being too old, it's her prerogative. And what valid reasons are there to give anyone flack for doing something legal in their private lives that doesn't affect your life directly no matter what it is? None. I see plenty of guys getting upset for being rejected for being too old it may also be why a lot of guys dislike hearing that in most cases when a girl likes older men she doesn't like older men who look their age. Age is just a preference. I see many guys getting upset over other preferences. He's shy, inexperienced, short, ugly, fat, bald, has thinning hair, doesn't make enough money. To some just because it's legal doesn't mean it's wrong. There are valid reasons to give some flack for smoking around kids despite it being legal and their private live. In some countries it's legal to have sex with a child and marry a child however there are plenty who give flack to those people who are doing something legal in their private lives.
udolipixie Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 This thread isn't about other preferences, smoking around children or having sex with children in foreign lands. Stop nitpicking, I don't have to fill out my posts like a lawyer writing a disclaimer, this is a dating board, not a philosophy seminar. It's perfectly obvious what I meant in the prior post and we all know past the age of five that there are exceptions to every rule of thumb. Your point was: And what valid reasons are there to give anyone flack for doing something legal in their private lives that doesn't affect your life directly no matter what it is? None. My examples suited your scenario perfectly legal & private life but there was a valid reason to give flack. No nit picking here your point was that it's her prerogative to reject his based on her preferences. My point is that guys do get upset over being rejected. In case you missed it: just because it's legal doesn't mean it's not wrong to some and that they may have valid reasons for thinking it's wrong. I also stated many guys do get upset when told they're too old.
robdrm32 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 My advice, your not a pedo. I am 25 and was just dating an 18 y/o girl. Her parents were cool with it but thats probably because i'm such a nice guy. Only thing i can say is if you think you have more in common with 18-21 year olds you are either immature (not meant as an insult) or just mistaken. Sure there are a few cases where it works out but you have to realize that very few people are mature by that age in any respect. So if your just looking for fun or some casual dating then go for it. But if your looking for something real, that has a chance at lasting you are playing against the odds the younger you get.
quietGuy13 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Just in case you guys don't know, many girls in their 20's like guys in their 50s. I don't know why but they do
udolipixie Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Good point. I suppose I am not looking at something that's lasting, I'm just looking at something! I'm a 28 year old with no relationship experience. In that sense, I haven't even played the field yet. I'd hate to get with someone who wanted more, and I just wanted to make up for lost time. In that sense, I'd have more in common with an 18 year old. If having a lack of relationship experience is what you mean more in common with an 18 year old that's unlikely. Most 18 year olds have sexual experience, hookup experience, casual dating experience aka playing the field. So what do you have more in common with an 18 year old? Just go for who you're interested in and rely you're just into casual relationships.
Dust Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Many 18 year olds haven't had sex or had a boyfriend yet. Many don't date until after college. That's what I meant. You have posted incorrect information. I would just focus on not limiting yourself. If you have zero dating experience and you have class with 18 & 19 year olds then fine ask them out. You really aren’t the predator trying to add another sexual notch to his belt that most women fear about when they speak of older men. Really though I wouldn’t ignore or avoid going after women closer to your own age just because you think they won’t want you because of experience. A woman your own age actually might be more forgiving of your lack of experience. Whether it be a 19 year old or a 29 year old girl you still have to attract them. Don’t treat them like your experiment sex play thing. You don’t want them to feel like you are the inexperienced man who must be taught in the way of woman. Just be normal and start asking women out.
udolipixie Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Many 18 year olds haven't had sex or had a boyfriend yet. Many don't date until after college. That's what I meant. You have posted incorrect information. Really? It seems more like I posted information you don't want to hear. Many 18 year olds already have dating & sexually experience. I know plenty of 14 - 18 year olds from various high schools & know plenty of mothers/fathers with teens. With 16 year olds going out with guys their age & older guys they do have relationship experience. Most don't have serious relationship experience. But sense you're not seeking serious relationships that's one thing you have in common with the majority. What you don't have in common is a lack of relationship & sexual experience.
robdrm32 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Really? It seems more like I posted information you don't want to hear. Many 18 year olds already have dating & sexually experience. I know plenty of 14 - 18 year olds from various high schools & know plenty of mothers/fathers with teens. With 16 year olds going out with guys their age & older guys they do have relationship experience. Most don't have serious relationship experience. But sense you're not seeking serious relationships that's one thing you have in common with the majority. What you don't have in common is a lack of relationship & sexual experience. Kinda have to agree with that. if a girl tells me she is a virgin past 18 i am surprised usually.
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