Finding out they have a new guy

[confused1989]

I've found this to be the hardest part in my journey to healing. Unfortunately I didn't have the balls to delete my ex as soon as we broke up because she kind of manipulated me into thinking I shouldn't by using threats. That, and I just felt down about the whole situation, I didn't want to completely let her go and I thought that I could be strong and keep her on there, act nonchalant and act like she didn't bother me. Well I did all that and I found that I was just playing games with myself because it was actually bothering me and the truth was that none of it was bothering her any, so I deleted her after I found out she had a new guy from seeing a few pictures of them cuddling and just being close.

 

I feel like I've tried everything to get those thoughts out of my head. I've come a long way in the past few months overall but knowing they moved on so much faster than you did is hard to deal with. I've pictured them having sex, I've seen pictures of them cuddling, I know she's living her life and enjoying it with him. I'm trying to use those thoughts to make myself get over her and just not care about it anymore.

 

Sometimes I just get taken back by it all. I know she was no where close to being the perfect girlfriend, and I felt like I did a pretty damn good job being a good boyfriend to her. I read a lot of threads on here and I see what some of these girls are saying about their guys and I haven't done anything close to most of it.

 

But every now and then it's hard not to think about the fact that she left me for greener grass, a guy who lives 10 hours away and she only has 6 weeks to date him before they are separated by 10 hours for atleast the next year, maybe more.

 

I'm still suffering from a bit of ego blow from all of this. I don't want her back, so I'm confused as to why I'm bothered by all of this and I have just chalked it up to me taking a confidence hit from it.

 

I'm sure a lot of people here can relate. This is my third relationship and I'm only 22 but this one has hit me the hardest and I haven't had a girl move on so fast before.

 

I guess all I can do is keep letting time do its thing. I'm a bit embarrassed that it took me so long to delete her off Facebook but it was probably the best thing I could have done even though she texted me afterwards with the whole "Not sure why you felt the need to do that hahahahahhaa but anyway hope all is well".

 

I could probably write a page or two about all the times she's disrespected me. You think that'd make things a lot easier and it'd be much easier to get over her, but it's still a struggle sometimes and I don't know why that is.

[Nohbody]

It sucks. My ex left me for someone else - and it does make you question everything about yourself. Her finding someone else doesn't reflect on you, though. We are defined through our actions and how we affect others.

[Rory12345]

Hey Confused 1989,

 

I am in a similar boat to you, with ego blow and everything. In my opinion, there is nothing that can take it away, just try to distract yourself.

 

What doesn't kill you just makes you stronger.

 

Regards,

 

Rory

[confused1989]

True that. I guess I was of the belief that it's hard enough to find someone that you really click with, and I didn't expect her to click with someone this soon after how "picky" she used to tell me she was.

 

And it does make you question yourself. I've been working on myself for the past few months and have seen a lot of progress but when I found out she had a new guy it kind of stung all over again. Can't help but wonder sometimes what he had that I didn't, but then again thoughts like that are going to drive me insane.

 

One thing I'm proud about is not getting involved and not harassing her about it. It killed me but even when she burned the bridges with me and called me every negative name in the book and named out all my flaws I made sure I didn't say anything too hurtful towards her. We all say some hurtful things in the heat of the moment but she crossed the line a lot of the time. And to get sarcastic and saucy with me when I delete her from Facebook after she gets another guy was pretty immature on her part. I know she's the type who'll take stabs at me whenever she can, she's been doing it ever since we ended.

 

I thought that sticking to NC and not saying anything to her would make her respect me more but it didn't do that, hence the saucy text she gave me after I deleted her off facebook. She's different that's for sure and has a ton of pride.

 

And Rory, thanks for that too. You're right, this ego blow is going on a lot longer than I thought it would, but you're right it'll just make me stronger. Thanks for your words.

[Chi townD]

Wait...wait... SHe posts pics of her and another guy on her FB page and then she sends you jabs AFTER you delete her? Are you kidding me? What the hell did she say?

[confused1989]

Yes she posted pictures of her and the other guy cuddling and doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff so I deleted her. Not that exact minute because I didn't want it to be too obvious but a couple days later.

 

The jabs well she texted me saying "not sure why you'd feel the need to delete me but anyway hahahahahah" and it just sounded sarcastic and saucy to me and made me feel like she really thinks i'm dirt which I find confusing and unreal given how I did my best to treat her right during our entire relationship. Multiple times during our relationship where she actually laughed in my face and shook her head when I ever had anything serious to talk about with her, so I know even though it was only over text that she was looking down on me and being a b*tch.

 

Up until that point she'd text me every now and again and tell me how good her life was and how much fun she's been having and how she's getting published for school and all of this which I really don't believe anyway. Point is though that she goes out of her way big time to rub stuff in my face when I don't even do anything to her.

 

She's the type that if I do ever bump into her and her new guy she'll make sure he comes over and then she'll kiss him in front of me or do something to try and bother me. I remember when we were together we ran into her old ex one time and I backed off and let them talk for a minute and she said she wanted to drag me over and rub it in his face about how better I was than him and all that. She's one big show really.

[GivenUp0083]

OP: I'm sorry you're going through this, and this is my biggest potential set back as well. I am 99% there wasn't another guy in the picture when my ex dumped me 5 weeks ago, but I know her and I know she will have a new guy very very soon.

 

This is why I have not only deleted her from facebook, but all of her friends as well. I don't want to know, and I don't want to see it.

 

She made an attempt to contact me and was successful in making small talk with me which I will not make the mistake of doing again. I've blocked her from gchat, and I have her number in my phone only so that I know it's her if she ever contacts me, and I will know not to answer.

 

It's hard because you're so used to contacting this person, you have to really break a habit until you get over that desire. I'm finally over it, it's nice, it's refreshing knowing you have nothing to say to your ex and you have no desire to hear what they have to say. She is gone from my life, she is dead to me. I've mourned over my loss and now I'm moving on with my life.

 

This is what you have to do. You have to get rid of all potential avenues for contact, cut ties with mutual friends who may remind you of her or hint about her, and you have to get rid of all posessions that remind you of her as well. You have the ability to eliminate her existence.

[Rory12345]

Confused 1989,

 

My ex broke all my promises to me and is being absolutely horrible to me but don't ever think you are less of a human or man then this new guy. She is just using him as a rebound and is just showing that she doesn't care about your feelings!

 

You are better than her as you wouldn't do this to her, stay strong.

 

Regards,

 

Rory

[Chi townD]

Yeah, dude! If you had a girl that like to play those immature games and sends texts like that?!?! You're DEFINATELY better off without her. NC! Don't respond to anything she has to say.

 

Now, take time to heal from this little girl. Then find a girl with some class.

[confused1989]

Givenup, I guess your ex is a bit like mine. When we first broke up I didn't think there was anyone in the picture at all but i was a bit weary of the guy she's currently dating. Turns out my gut instincts were right. I saw it coming though I guess... her actions always suggested that she was gonna run to another guy even though her words were saying the opposite. I really need to stop focusing on what people say and more on what they do.

 

Good idea on deleting all her friends. That's hard for me because we have a lot (110 mutual friends) and there's always someone who posts up a picture of her who I don't expect to, so I'm just trying to stay off it as much as I can now. I've gotten rid of the possessions and that's helped a lot. I feel like I have nothing to say to her anymore either, but lately I have had the urge to get angry and ask her how the hell she could say those things to me and then run to that dude. That will get me no where though, and will just bring me down to her level and the games will continue.

 

Just curious, how long were you with your ex and how long since you guys broke up? I was with my ex for 1.5 years but we've been pretty much broke up since February. She led me on and strung me along all of March while she was out acting single and I've been NC since the end of March. I broke it once or twice in the beginning but have been holding up since mid April. She texts me every week with somethnig stupid but it's declining a lot lately.

 

Rory, thanks for your words man. YOu're right, I can't knock myself down. I don't even know what the guy is really about, and neither does she if she only knew him for a few weeks. And she's doing a real good job showing that she doesn't care about my feelings, damn. I've never had anyone disrespect me so much before.

 

And I can honestly 100% say that although I am extremely pissed, disappointed, and frustrated with her, I wouldn't and haven't posted anything or said anything to deliberately try and hurt her. That might be her way of dealing with things but it isn't mine.

 

Chi town, thanks dude. You're right, she's played a ton of games with me and she has even admitted to playing games with me on a couple of occasions. Not lately, but a few times during our relationship. She was all about "tests" and manipulating me into doing things and she basically admitted that a few times. And I'm still holding up NC, not expecting to hear from her anymore since she found her green grass. Thanks man.

[Rory12345]

That's perfect then. You've got logical friends who are also sensible. Even if she was honestly over the relationship and wanted to move on, what she did is just disrepectful to you as a fellow human. She could have gone somewhere else or kept the contact to a minimum (if you didn't want to leave either). And why look over to you?

 

 

 

Take all the items, put them in a box and bury them. If she wants them she can come get them, they are not your responsibility.

 

 

As Kodo said on my thread, no Human being deserves that. You deserve respect, just walk away from her. She's not worth your time or effort. It will be difficult, yes, but you have us and we all help each other.

 

It doesn't matter what they are doing, it's not your problem any more. You and your life is your only problem, worry about that. When I get down, I go on runs. Keep yourself busy.

 

Regards,

 

Rory

[Chi townD]

Is she still taking jabs at you after you deleted her from FB? If so, I think you may need to consider changing your number.

[radiodarcy]

your ex sounds incredibly lame and immature. not to mention a major attention-seeker. i would take ChiTown's advice and change your number if she's continuing to contact you.

[RareBreed]

Wow this is crazy. We're in the exact same boat!!! My story is almost identical to yours. With my ex for a little over a year, stung me along for a few months while she was out being single, met an old highschool friend, brine up with me & got with him the next day. She just made it Facebook official (a month later) because she doesn't wanna look like a whore I assume & I honestly feel sorry for the new guy. Now I'm just watching to see how it all plays out... Kinda like a movie

 

The she's taking shots at you because you're not latched onto her anymore. My ex does the same, subliminally over twitter, & but idc. I treated her like a queen while all she did was talk down on me & point out wrongs. & I took that ish like a fool. Now look where I am? HAH. We got played like instruments & there's nothing we can do about it except to DO US.

 

Stay NC & ignore this childish being. There's plenty of fish out there... I've seen them.

 

Good Luck!

[GivenUp0083]

Givenup, I guess your ex is a bit like mine. When we first broke up I didn't think there was anyone in the picture at all but i was a bit weary of the guy she's currently dating. Turns out my gut instincts were right. I saw it coming though I guess... her actions always suggested that she was gonna run to another guy even though her words were saying the opposite. I really need to stop focusing on what people say and more on what they do.

 

Good idea on deleting all her friends. That's hard for me because we have a lot (110 mutual friends) and there's always someone who posts up a picture of her who I don't expect to, so I'm just trying to stay off it as much as I can now. I've gotten rid of the possessions and that's helped a lot. I feel like I have nothing to say to her anymore either, but lately I have had the urge to get angry and ask her how the hell she could say those things to me and then run to that dude. That will get me no where though, and will just bring me down to her level and the games will continue.

 

Just curious, how long were you with your ex and how long since you guys broke up? I was with my ex for 1.5 years but we've been pretty much broke up since February. She led me on and strung me along all of March while she was out acting single and I've been NC since the end of March. I broke it once or twice in the beginning but have been holding up since mid April. She texts me every week with somethnig stupid but it's declining a lot lately.

 

I was only with my girl for 4.5 months, but we had only lived 10 blocks from each other and spent 5-7 days a week together, met entire families, talked about the future, etc.

 

I didn't give my ex the chance to lead me on. She tried, but through good advice of friends and people on LS I didn't fall for it. I know there isn't another guy because she spent every free minute with me, there's no possible way there's another guy, but that doesn't mean she hasn't found one by now or will very soon...she's that type of girl (very insecure).

 

What struck me about what you said was "getting angry and wanting to say things to her and ask her how she can do certain things". I wanted to ask her how she could go out of her way to do such nice things for me, want to meet my family, and tell me she loved me only to turn around in a week and say she didn't. I held that against her and I wanted to call her out on it.

 

Then I asked myself: "What would that get me?" The answer is nothing. Ultimately, a good friend told me that by getting angry and telling her the things you don't like about her, it will help her justify her decision to break up with me. Right now she feels guilty. I think she's trying to be friends because it's eating away at her. She does not deserve to be relieved of her guilt. This is why I won't call her and unload the things I want to say to her. It will make her feel better.

 

I truly feel that no one can MAKE you feel guilty, but you feel guilty because your own conscious speaks to your regret, you know yourself you did something wrong. I think what she did was wrong. She lead me to believe we had a true loving relationship that had long term potential, and she admitted in the breakup that not only had she had serious doubts about our future for months, but she planned on waiting a couple more months to tell me. This is unacceptable in my eyes and is morally wrong to do to someone. I could never lead on someone I knew didn't have a long term potential with the understanding that my SO thought we did. People like my ex need to learn that doing this is cruel and dishonest. Hopefully her pain will teach her a valuable lesson, and I will not relieve that guilt for her, she deserves it.

Edited June 6, 2011 by GivenUp0083

[confused1989]

Yeah Rory, you're right. I always felt like I was in a good position to receive respect from her, I was older, in the same program as her but a year ahead of her, I was the T.A. for her class, have a half decent resume built up over the years with sports and volunteering and other things. She was crazy about me in the start and she would have periods where she was very clingy to me and others where she was very distant. She'd be secure sometimes and then insecure other times, she was really all over the place and I'm not so sure I even know who she is or ever did. Sometimes I wonder how that respect went haywire still, but I can't help it and can't help if she changed or I changed. I don't put all the blame on her but she liked to put it all on me.

 

I have walked away though, I'm just disappointed that I'm still here writing about her and her new guy when she doesn't give a crap about me, know what I mean?

 

Chitown, no, no jabs after that last message she sent to me. I felt like I chose to put things on a bad note again by deleting her so late, but she wasn't caring about my feelings at all and I know I wouldn't have done that to her so soon so I feel more justified now. On top of that, she chose to send that stupid sarcastic and snotty comment after I did delete her. I didn't think it'd be hard for her to realize that her postings and her running to a new guy was going to bother me and hence I might delete her but apparently she can't understand that.

 

Radio, thanks for your words. Like I said I'm still a bit disappoined that I'm here writing about her when she's with another guy now. It just caught me a bit off guard and I've regressed a little bit but not enough for it to affect me too much in the big scheme of things. She is immature and she doesn't have much care for anyone elses feelings besides her own, she was like that when we were in a relationship together too so I was stupid for thinking she might care about how I felt now. On top of that, this is the same girl who begged me to book a trip with her to hawaii on short notice when there was a seat sale, I did, and a month later she tells me she doesn't feel the same and kicks me out of going on the trip with her as we were supposed to stay with her aunt and uncle.

 

and attention seeker is what she is. I felt weary about that guy at first because he was giving her attention, calling her cute, things like that. I knew that'd win her over, she's a sucker for anyone who says something nice to her, she gets really drawn in and her mind wanders.

 

Thanks Rare, always good to know I'm not alone although I wish you didn't have to go through that, I don't wish this upon anybody. I plan on staying NC, I have no desire to talk to her or contact her other than to get angry with her and that will do nothing, just make me look bad.

 

GivenUp, I tried not to let my ex lead me on either in the beginning. When she said the spark was gone and she didn't feel the same anymore I completely gave up all hope and said "ok, we're done then" but she switched it back on me and told me to fight for her and prove my love for her. Tried that for a while and that wasn't good enough for her so she prett much had me wrapped around her finger while I gave her ego boosts and she went out and met other guys.

 

You're right, it probably would justify her decision. It's funny in my situation because when I started ignoring her she said that was justifying her decision too. And the fact that I didn't fight for her when she said there was no spark and kept blowing me off said that jusified it too. It was pretty much a lose-lose situation for me. I fought for her for a month or so last year after she came back from a trip and "won her back" and I was not able to chase her again this time as that time was extremely stressful and I find this type of thing was happening every now and again in smaller doses too. Such as..... if we disagreed on something she'd go cold on me, ignored me for a week and wait until i "learned my lesson" per se. Even when she was in the wrong she'd do this to me.

 

Interesting story you have and it had a lot of similarities to mine. My ex won't be hearing from me anymore that's for sure. In fact I dont' expect her to contact me anyway because she has that new guy now anyway, I'm old news. I feel pretty stupid from time to time too that I gave so much and thought we had potential only for that to change overnight. Funny how things happen sometime. I beat myself up for a while because all she ever did was tell me how much I was hurting her without telling me how I was actually hurting her. Apparently her being on a dating site is not hurtful but me not texting her first in the mornings is hurtful. I think she had some insecurities for someone who can be so full of themselves at other times..... it really is something that I tried forever to figure out and then came to the realization that she probably doesn't even know who she is herself so how on earth am I gonna figure out who she is or what she means.

 

Anyway..... I guess her and this new guy has brought me back and made me feel a bit like crap about myself so I've been thinking about stuff that I haven't really thought about for the past few months. Maybe he's just a bandaid to close the wound before she rips it off again too, or maybe she really is in love with him, I'll never know that for sure. Or he could just be an accessory like I was. Who knows. Good riddance.

Edited June 6, 2011 by confused1989

[GivenUp0083]

GivenUp, I tried not to let my ex lead me on either in the beginning. When she said the spark was gone and she didn't feel the same anymore I completely gave up all hope and said "ok, we're done then" but she switched it back on me and told me to fight for her and prove my love for her. Tried that for a while and that wasn't good enough for her so she prett much had me wrapped around her finger while I gave her ego boosts and she went out and met other guys.

 

You're right, it probably would justify her decision. It's funny in my situation because when I started ignoring her she said that was justifying her decision too. And the fact that I didn't fight for her when she said there was no spark and kept blowing me off said that jusified it too. It was pretty much a lose-lose situation for me. I fought for her for a month or so last year after she came back from a trip and "won her back" and I was not able to chase her again this time as that time was extremely stressful and I find this type of thing was happening every now and again in smaller doses too. Such as..... if we disagreed on something she'd go cold on me, ignored me for a week and wait until i "learned my lesson" per se. Even when she was in the wrong she'd do this to me.

 

I know it's hard to see our ex's in a bad light sometimes, but your ex is a bitch, plain an simple. You need to drop her from the face of the earth. She actually TOLD you to fight for her? I would've told her to lick my boot...

 

You couldn't win because she is a bitch who doesn't have respect for your feelings. If she wants to say that ignoring her justifies her decision, then just say these words "then I guess I'm doing both of us a favor" and walk away.

 

Tell her to go step in front of a bus dude, seriously, she's got nerve. You gotta drill it into your head over and over how bad she has treated you to the point that you become annoyed and disgusted with her. Then you won't care anymore, and indifference is the opposite of love....not hate. If you don't care for her that's the worst thing you can do to her. Move on with your live. Best of luck.

[confused1989]

Yep it's true. I don't see her in the same light as I did before but obviously I haven't gotten to the point where I see her as the devil as many are saying I should and I know I should. And yes she did explicitly tell me to fight for her, she would say things like "you're going to let this hot ass go? you know there are tons of guys who would love to be you and be in your position and have me, so prove that you love me." and I did enough proving, she made it sound like she was neglected for a year and a half by me when it was the complete opposite. I felt like I was being asked to force someone to be in a relationship with me. I couldn't even believe when she was saying stuff like that though about letting her hot ass go and all of that. It was pretty strange given the fact that she was the one who used to complain everyday that she was too fat and would stare in the mirror at herself and start griping and complaining and I'd always have to pick her up and tell her she was attractive.

 

Yeah you're right, I realized long ago that I couldn't win any battle with her at all. I know that no matter what I did she would see me in a bad light as that's just the way she wants things to be. She'll convince herself that I'm no good, and she likely already has, hence why a few months ago I was "in her future plans" she said, but now she has a new guy pretty quickly.

 

You're right, I have to start reminding myself of the bad over and over again. I know she's no good for me, I don't want her back, I don't even want to be friends with her, so why am I still writing here? This other guy is just making me think stupid things and making me reflect more than I should at this point.

 

You're right. At this point, I obviously still care to some degree for her. The problem is that she does not give a flying sh*t about me, so I need to keep reminding myself of that. I'm here writing about her while she's out screwing another guy, like come on, right?

 

Eventually I'll get to a point of indifference.. I was well on my way until now. But, it's just a setback and I've had many since this all happened so I'm not too too concerned. I know I can get through it. I'm not going right back to day 1 or anything, I've still made progress and have to keep continuing to do that. Thanks!

[confused1989]

Well today my ex decides she's going to text my best friend and ask if the apartment that me and him just moved out of is going to be free this year so that her new guy and his friend can move in there (my best buddies uncle is the landlord). They're going to move out here from where they live which is 10 hours away so I guess this new fling isn't much of a fling... must be pretty serious and that sucks in its own right but that's life.

 

I don't know why but it made me completely furious to the point where I'm starting to wonder if she's even human or if she even has half of a heart and half of a brain.

 

I don't know if this is even something I should be mad over, but anyway I can't help that I was. Me and my best buddy lived in that apartment all this year and my ex spent a lot of time there with me the first few months until she got bored of the new setting and eventually she barely ever came over and visited me, I mean like once a month if I was lucky. Regardless though that apartment had a lot of memories and I can't even imagine #1) why out of all places she'd try to get her new guy to move in there and #2) how can she even walk in to that place again without having memories of me and memories of us? When we broke up I absolutely HATED living there as I had so many memories of her from there. I was ecstatic when I moved out and am staying as far away from that place as possible. The fact that she wants her new man to move in there and the fact that she won't be haunted by memories of me makes me sick to my stomach to think that I put so much value on her and on us and she thinks nothing of it all.

 

I don't get her at all. The fact that she's asking my best friend this stuff is ridiculous on it's own. He doesn't owe her any favors, he's not even her friend.

[dreamscape123]

The fact that she wants her new man to move in there and the fact that she won't be haunted by memories of me makes me sick to my stomach to think that I put so much value on her and on us and she thinks nothing of it all. > quote...

 

Man, I really do hear you there... If you read my thread, you will see what I am going through, but this part is so true for me right now too, and i just dont understand it , and find it very hard to come to terms with... The trouble is, in both our cases, they are being distracted by a new partner, in my case afetr only a week or so.. and its hard for them to really think about things in a true light i guess.. But i have no idea how to make her think about that , as she wont even reply to any of the emails that i had sent her... Its almost as if she does not even care, and that is a shock... a big shock...

[confused1989]

Yeah I hear you... I can't imagine this all happening to me after a week or so, that would be even harder. I thought a month or two was bad enough, you just don't expect someone to move on that fast after being with them for almost 2 years.

 

I feel for you though man. I'm probably a little ahead of you in the recovery process because this has been going on for months for me but I would suggest that you try to stop sending those emails. One thing that really shocked me was that even when I was nonchalant towards my ex she still didn't show any sign of missing me or caring about me after all this time, so it can only benefit me by not messaging her anymore or trying to contact her, as if I did contact her it would just make her feel good about herself while I end up feeling worse and we don't want that.

 

When it's all said and done though I wouldn't be doing this stuff to her that she's doing to me so I know she's no good for me. I thought maybe one day we could be friends but that looks like less of a possibility each day beacuse I don't want to be around someone who makes me feel like dirt about myself and doesn't care about my feelings.

 

I mean it's irritating that she went to my best buddy and asked him about that stuff. What's even more irritating is that she mentioned her new guy's name and his buddy when my best buddy doesn't even know them anyway so I don't know why names would be important. I feel like she knows that would get back to me one way or another, as it did.

 

I just don't trust her at all.

[Chi townD]

I hope your buddy responded," Nope! My uncle already has people lined up after we move out!" Don't make this easy on her.

[confused1989]

Yeah he did. Well he didn't say that to her because he's too nice but he told me there's no way in hell he'd let her move in there. He found it ridiculous that she asked and that's why he said he mentioned it to me.

 

There are plenty of places he could look for himself, I don't know why she's even looking for a place for him, they've only known each other for a little over a month yet it seems like they're married. She came on quick and strong to me too though at first so I can't say I'm too surprised. The other thing on my mind is that she mentioned that she's looking for this place for him for January, when it's only June now and to ask my buddy about that at 11:30pm on a Tuesday night is kind of odd.

 

Anyway, there is no way in hell I'm going to let anything be easy for her. She's gotten way too much from me in the past anyway; money, a ton of help with school work, support, encouragement, she had it all from me and all I got was kicked out of a trip to hawaii, broken up with in my last semester of university when my workload was the hardest and I was trying to finish my thesis, played mindgames with me and toyed with me for the fun of it (and admitted to it), etc.

 

I read somewhere that you're supposed to come to a point where you forgive the other person, well I feel like I'm far from reaching that point. I don't hate her, but I feel like it's hard to "forgive" someone who has zero respect for you.

[OhioLaw1987]

Hey dudes,

 

I know I am knew to this thread, but a lot of what ya'll have been saying really resonates with me right now. Hope you don't mind my participation.

 

My girl and I got back together after a really rotten break up...and guess what? It happened again, yesterday. Not only that, it was on the basis that she found someone else (a guy she met at work...mind you, shes been working there for a week and a half....some commitment level, eh?). This is the same girl who two weeks ago said she wanted to get engaged before summer is over (we are both 26 and entering out final year of law school, and have been together roughly two years, so it is a very plausible thing). BUT....here is what I have concluded: Never, under any circumstances, would I be able to trust a person who can fall out of love so quickly, so completely, and without any real reason as she has done. That conclusion will always be THE conclusion, even though in my heart, I still love her more than I can find the words to express. But without that trust, there cannot be a relationship; I see now that relationships and love are distinct things. They often coincide, but not always...and when they don't, its a problem. I believe she may actually love me, but its not going to be enough for her to be with me, as has been made abundantly clear through her conduct in the last week. The point is, I cannot trust her again, and as such, I cannot be with her again...Ever. And what that fundamentally means is that nothing she does, good or bad, mean or kind, carries any real significance because the end conclusion for me is always the same. (For context, check out my other threads...this has been incredibly emotionally taxing and worn me down to my core). What do you dudes think?

 

I just learned from an email my ex sent to her friend that has the same first name as me (she has a male name, interestingly) that my ex accidentally had cced me on from gmails autofill in the address feature that my ex is sleeping with this British guy. She has known him for 2 weeks, we have been broken up for 1.5 weeks, and as recently as this Monday, she said she still had romantic love for me, despite believing I am not the right guy for her, and that she was not seeing anyone else. Now, I know that I wont be able to make sense of this, but I think at least it has to be one of the following things: (1) she simply lied to me the entire time we got back together, or at least about still having feelings for me currently; (2) she has fallen out of love in a dramatically fast way, which is absolutely destroying me and hurting me if that were to be true; (3) this guy is a rebound who presents somethign really different from me and she is trying to get me out of her head entirely; or (4) she is incapable of not having someone in her life, and since I am removed by distance, I am not close enough in proximity to meet her needs at all times (par for our relationship overall, fyi), and thus she found someone else,and he doesnt know about her faults and problems and she can just be obsessed with him until he is unconditionally there for her, and do this same crap again. Why do I take this? Either way, it makes me feel really insignificant. As you can tell by the volume of my posts, I am really upset and distraught over all of this. I just dont know what to do. I cannot forgive this I dont think. Ever. But why did I let her come back, and why would she even want to come back if she was just going to do this. its like a switch flicked in her head that made me insignificant.

[dreamscape123]

OhioLaw1987 I feel for you mate.... I think in my case it is a rebound thing, but what ever any of their reasons are, it hurts like hell man..... People have given me some good advice on here, and i do find talking to other like minded people does help.. although yup, still hurts loads....