lio1160 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I've never done this before. Everyone I ask gives me the same generic advice "follow your heart", I don't want/ need that, I need honesty. I've been seeing this guy since Nov 10, it's June 11, so roughly 7 months & going. He's fantastic & we have an amazing time when we're together. I've meet his entire family, mom, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins etc. We're constantly doing something together, but recently he's been acting strange, I no longer get called 'babe' & that's not a big deal to me, but I don't know what happen to "goodmorning beautful" "goodnight sweetheart" to "morning" "night"... What changed? Back in Dec/Jan his ex girlfriend started contacting him & he informed me, his responses were always "I'm with 'lio1160' bye." (I don't want to use my real name on here) I felt secure enough to know that he was not talking to her if he's informing her of my constant presence. For the next few months I heard nothing about her, it was back to just me and him, recently I found out that she had contacted him, explaining how sorry she was, how she misses him, how she would do anything for a second chance, everything an ex would say, & that's around the same time he started acting different towards me. Almost picking fights with me sometimes, but other times acting as if nothing has changed between us. Whenever I question if everything is alright I always get a generic response "everything's fine" & the conversation is never brought up again. I understand that they were together roughly 2/3 years & she left him. I'm confused as to what I should do about this because I've invested so much of my time and energy into this and would be crushed if I was left for the ex. Do I walk away from this before I let him hurt me, do I bring up the situation? What do I do. Oh, I found all this out because I creeped through his phone one night, which is wrong on so many levels, but I was curious to know if she was still in his life...
heartshaped Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Everything's fine never means everything's fine. I'd ask him straight out why he's been acting different and if he still has feelings for her. He's your boyfriend, don't be afraid to talk to him.
Author lio1160 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 That's the issue, we're not "boyfriend, girlfriend" it's just assumed, we've been together for this long that it is exclusive, but there is no label. & Everytime I attempt to ask what's wrong, what's going on, he will not talk to me about it.
heartshaped Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 So wait, I'm a bit confused, are the two of you exclusive or are you just assuming it's exclusive? Furthermore, after seven months, why isn't there any label? I think that's more worrying than the ex issue.
vsmini Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 That's the issue, we're not "boyfriend, girlfriend" it's just assumed, we've been together for this long that it is exclusive, but there is no label. & Everytime I attempt to ask what's wrong, what's going on, he will not talk to me about it. Bit of a red, if not pink, flag. Being obsessed with a label is bad but at this point...exclusivity needs to be established because some guys use the extra wiggle room they have with no labels, to their benefit. Bring up your issue. Be honest and straightforward and leave nothing out. Don't get shy or embarassed. These are your feelings and they need to be addressed. If he writes it off and tells you "everything is fine" and doesn't really talk to you - it's time to leave. If this is a good relationship that is worth your time and will stand the test of time there needs to be excellent communication and honesty. Get it out now - if he can't give it to you....get out now!
Author lio1160 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 We are exclusive, he's the only one involved in my life & vise versa. I was going to give it at least a few more weeks to a month max to see where things go & then this happen suddenly. It has been bothering me that there is no label, but the last thing I want to do is throw relationship talk at him currently. He is going through some family issues, he might be relocating to a different university, & I know I sound like I'm defending him, as to why he shouldn't give me an answer right now, but I think it was me who shot it down the first time, back in Dec when he wanted to make things official & I was just getting out of a relationship & didn't feel like it was appropriate to jump right into another one & I wanted to wait things out..
vsmini Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Well then - you at least have to talk to him about the changes you notice.
Author lio1160 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 When I did confront him and asked what was going on & why I was being treated differently, his response was "I'm not treating you differently" BUT, 2 weeks prior to that I was told " Sorry about things I just have a lot going on and you don't deserve to be treated the way you have, goodnight babe". His actions are completely different from his messages sometimes.
ilovedhim Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 " Sorry about things I just have a lot going on and you don't deserve to be treated the way you have, goodnight babe". He may be trying to pull away from you. Maybe you need to talk to him, in detail, and get honest answers in return. He needs to be straightforward in his responses. If after the conversation you're still confused as how he feels about you, it's time to break it off.
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