starryocean Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I posted this in the infidelity forum, but figured I"d post it here too. Thanks in advance for any advice! Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 2 Cheating?? My husband drove a female coworker to work one morning. She normally works in a different building then him, but was going to be at his site so asked him for a ride. I found it odd she wanted a ride, since she lives nearby and has a car. So, she drove her kids to school and then went home to wait for my husband to pick her up. Strange right? I looked past it and didn't say anything. A few days later, I asked my husband what her house looked like. (meaning the outside). He described it from the inside. I asked him why he was in her house and he told me she told him to come in. He said she just grabbed her coat and they left. But, he really described her house. If he just stood by the door, how would he know the layout of the house? He also went out to lunch alone that day at a restaurant with her. He doesn't usually eat at restaurants when he works, he typically grabs something quick or brings lunch. My husband ended up telling me that she's a friend and he talks to her a lot. (after I grilled him) He said he was afraid I would be mad if he told me, which is weird because I'm not the jealous type. So, I guess my questions is, would u think something was going on?? He never gave me reason to not trust him until this. I just had a baby 4 months ago and haven't been "in the mood". So, maybe he is cheating?? I just don't know.
heartshaped Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Something does seem strange here. Do you get the feeling he is cheating or do you think this is innocent? Has he been acting strange in any other way?
vsmini Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I can't say for sure but a flag would be going up with me as well. If she's such a good friend then guess who can come along next time they go out to lunch together? shouldn't be a problem, right?
thatone Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I just had a baby 4 months ago and haven't been "in the mood". So, maybe he is cheating?? I just don't know. is there some medical reason for this or not? i can see 4-8 weeks, but 4 months seems quite excessive.
Author starryocean Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Umm yeah it does sound like you are being the jealous type. It is understandable though, you are very vulnerable to him and scared to loose him. Let him know that. . I'm really not jealous. I actually told him I understand if he wanted to cheat because I am so exhausted by the end of the day from taking care of my kids. When i bring it up, it's like he won't give me any information. The first time I asked him what they talked about over lunch, he told me just work stuff. When I asked him days later, he admitted they talked about the kids and stuff. So, i just feel like he's hiding things.
SxB Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) "So, I guess my questions is, would u think something was going on??" Is that even a question? Well the answer is Hell yeah, and it's up to you what you want to put up with at this point. To add, why is he even bothering spending so much time with her when he just had a kid for christ sake, let alone why the f*uck would he care about hanging out like this with some other broad when he already has you? What the f*uck. I can see a few times out of the year him having lunch with a colleague, sure why not, who doesn't. And his lyng?? what's up with that. You shouldn't have had to pry, he's manipulating you and you have to ask yourself WHY, there is no open communication going on here. He's full of riddles and games, now isn't he? This guy sounds like a real winner. If you stay with him, stop being naive, and work out any marital problems that you have with him. Anyway, we never want to believe some one could be or is cheating on us, actually our first thought is to find a reason why they aren't and give into all the bull sh*it they feed us, and it also takes a lot of work should they be in fact cheating on us. All that emotional stress and wear, all the work you will have to go through, all the problem solving and configurations and brainstorming that you will have to do, sounds good to avoid, doesn't it? Welcome to the World of relationships and marriage. Not only in Life do we have ourselves to deal with, if we pair up with some one else it's twice as much work in our lives, but what can be work can also be turned into play. Edited June 7, 2011 by SxB Added last segment
Author starryocean Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 He doesn't actually see her outside of work hours. But, he only recently started working in the same building as her. And their cubicles are right next to each other (wonderful right?) What had me concerned is that when he admitted he talks to her as a friend about things, they weren't working in the same building. So, I would think that would mean that they'd have to have some kind of phone or online relationship going on. He said he only spoke to her when he saw her, which wasn't much. But who talks about personal stuff with someone they see rarely??
Silivren Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 That's just the thing - you don't. This has emotional affair written all over it. The problem with EA's is that they start off innocently.. people think they are "just friends" and then they start to rely on their friend as a confidante when they should be talking about these things with their spouse. It may not have gotten to that level yet but it could be on its way ... Red flags are usually when your spouse won't talk about the co-worker at all.. usually when it's strictly platonic there is no issue mentioning the person to your spouse... I hope things can work out okay for you
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