Eternal Sunshine Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 For those following my threads, I was upset that my boyfriend sometimes went a day or 2 without communication. It bothered me to the point of having a serious talk with him last week. I know it's early days yet, but since the talk he has really been making an effort. He contacts me almost every hour now lol. Just to say that he is thinking of me, missing me etc. I slept over this weekend and he cooked me breakfast in bed After sex, we stay up just talking and cuddling till 5am. He even puts on a soundtrack of love songs and lights some candles when we are making love. He told me that he likes how I feel and show strong emotions and that my heart leads the way rather than my head. Constantly tells me that I am smart and beautiful.... The only slight concerns are: 1) He doesn't really want to talk about his past relationships. I know that his longest was 9 months and that he got hurt badly there but I do not know what exactly happened. I asked him a number of times as well as about his other exs and each time he shot me down with "I just prefer not to talk about it". I ended up telling him that I am cool with that and if he ever feels like talking about it, I will be happy to listen. He did say that he is not in any contact with any of his exs. He freely opens up his texts and e-mails (even before he knows who they are from) in front of me which makes me completely trust him there. 2) He hasn't said "I am in love you" yet. On Sunday night, as he walked me to the train station and I got on the train, the windows were foggy. He drew a little heart on the train window. He does many little things like that but he has not actually said the words. The most he said is "I like you far too much for my own good" I guess time will tell. I am glad to report that he has finally spent a night at my place. I have also initiated a phone call. He is going to meet my parents in a week. I am trying to prepare him as they are slightly crazy
utterer of lies Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 1) He doesn't really want to talk about his past relationships. I know that his longest was 9 months and that he got hurt badly there but I do not know what exactly happened. I asked him a number of times as well as about his other exs and each time he shot me down with "I just prefer not to talk about it". I ended up telling him that I am cool with that and if he ever feels like talking about it, I will be happy to listen. He did say that he is not in any contact with any of his exs. He freely opens up his texts and e-mails (even before he knows who they are from) in front of me which makes me completely trust him there. I don't think this should be a concern, it's more him being cautious. He knows how easily your insecurity can be unleashed, and therefore avoids the topic. I would strongly advise you to leave it at that.
oaks Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 He is going to meet my parents in a week. I am trying to prepare him as they are slightly crazy Just tell him he'll finally see where you get it from.
Star Gazer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I know it's early days yet, but since the talk he has really been making an effort. He contacts me almost every hour now lol. Just to say that he is thinking of me, missing me etc. I slept over this weekend and he cooked me breakfast in bed I have also initiated a phone call. Wow. Talk about expecting to receive waaaaay more than you're willing to give. Remember how you said it must be exhausting to have to tell my guy more than once that I don't like tomatoes? Well, your guy must be superhuman or something, because if I were him, I'd be TRULY exhausted with trying to please you by now.
heartshaped Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Sounds like things are going good. I wouldn't push the ex issue anymore if he doesn't want to talk about it. Sooner or later when he's ready he'll open up to you. It's still the early days yet.
thatone Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 yea no kidding. he won't chase forever, you better slow down and let him catch up pretty quick.
vsmini Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Be prepared that nobody can keep up communication with their SO's every hour on the hour. It will eventually ease up to a few hours and then 6-8 hours. This is okay and normal. Make sure you don't give him a hard time about it.
LexiB Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Be prepared that nobody can keep up communication with their SO's every hour on the hour. It will eventually ease up to a few hours and then 6-8 hours. This is okay and normal. Make sure you don't give him a hard time about it. Exactly. ES, do you think you'll be able to handle that when it happens? That's gonna be crucial to your relationship progressing/lasting.
EasyHeart Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Remember how you said it must be exhausting to have to tell my guy more than once that I don't like tomatoes? Well, your guy must be superhuman or something, because if I were him, I'd be TRULY exhausted with trying to please you by now."Exhausting" was the word that popped into my head when I read the OP. I feel sorry for the guy. He's trying really hard, but no one can continue servicing that level of need. It sounds more like taking care of an infant that it does dating a grown woman.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I slept over this weekend and he cooked me breakfast in bed I'm sorry to always be a buzzkiller, but this is a tremendous fire hazard and shows some alarming risk taking behavior on his part. I have also initiated a phone call. Lord have mercy. He contacts you every hour ... and you've "initiated A phone call." Please tell me you are just trying to bait me.
tigressA Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Just try to remember this: To receive love, you must give love. All the best.
EasyHeart Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 To receive love, you must give love.Or sometimes, you can just pay cash. . . .
betterdeal Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Does he have a twin sister, available, preference for tall men who work with their hands?
Stockalone Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 He is going to meet my parents in a week. I am trying to prepare him as they are slightly crazy Good luck! I think it's great that you didn't run away this time at the first sign of trouble. It also seems like you are communicating better, instead of expecting him to know what you want. That's also a step in the right direction, so congratulations for getting this far. I hope things will continue to go well for the two of you.
SmileFace Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 After sex, we stay up just talking and cuddling till 5am. He even puts on a soundtrack of love songs and lights some candles when we are making love. On Sunday night, as he walked me to the train station and I got on the train, the windows were foggy. He drew a little heart on the train window. I think I just gagged lol :love:
thatone Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 For those following my threads, I was upset that my boyfriend sometimes went a day or 2 without communication. It bothered me to the point of having a serious talk with him last week. .................... I have also initiated a phone call. i just read that again. mind boggling? or is there a more extreme description that i'm not thinking of? preposterous? unreal? hilarious?
betterdeal Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 It's good progress for ES. We all start from somewhere. Well done, ES!
NoReallyThatHappened Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Yikes. Only one phone call from you? It's been four months! I know it's hard, I'm the same way when I first meet someone. I can be really shy and I tend to be a bit more traditional when it comes to dating (letting the guy initiate dates, etc.) I've got to give myself the pep talk of a life-time to start calling a guy, but you're pretty far into the relationship at this point. He's totally into you from everything I have read. He might appreciate hearing from you a bit more often.
anne1707 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I know it's early days yet, but since the talk he has really been making an effort. Which is good. You expressed your concerns and he has acted on this He contacts me almost every hour now lol. Just to say that he is thinking of me, missing me etc. But this sounds so unhealthy. If my H contacted me this much, it would drive me crazy. I do have a life of my own (and a job to do!) He told me that he likes how I feel and show strong emotions and that my heart leads the way rather than my head. Well we could have told him that. You are emotion, not logic. Constantly tells me that I am smart and beautiful.... Constant validation then The only slight concerns are: So here is where you say there are some problems.... 1) He doesn't really want to talk about his past relationships. I know that his longest was 9 months and that he got hurt badly there but I do not know what exactly happened. I asked him a number of times as well as about his other exs and each time he shot me down with "I just prefer not to talk about it". I ended up telling him that I am cool with that and if he ever feels like talking about it, I will be happy to listen. He did say that he is not in any contact with any of his exs. Well he sounds perfectly fine here. Why should he talk about past relationships if he is over them. You would probably be complaining if he did talk about them. 2) He hasn't said "I am in love you" yet. Have you said it? If not, why is it a problem if he has not? Or can you only feel it if he does first? I guess time will tell. True but to be honest, I have not got a clue what this guy has done wrong yet I am glad to report that he has finally spent a night at my place. Is that because he never asked to come to yours or you had never asked him? Maybe he did not stay because he felt unwelcome I have also initiated a phone call. A phone call? One whole phone call? Hang on, did he not say that he needed something more from you too? Why is it all on him to do the running? You have been seeing each other for four months. There should be no "I called the last 2 times so it's his turn" sh$t. He is going to meet my parents in a week. I am trying to prepare him as they are slightly crazy I am sure he will be well prepared for that by now 1
Star Gazer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 It's good progress for ES. We all start from somewhere. Well done, ES! Totally, 10000% disagree. SHE hasn't made any progress at all, unless you consider her SINGLE phone call progress... I don't. HE has made progress in her eyes, by submitting to her demands for literally constant over the top reassurance and attention/validation. But has she learned anything or grown? Nope. 1
Nexus One Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Just to be clear, is this a new boyfriend ES or is this the engineer guy from a while back?
bellabella Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Star_gazer I don't post on here much, but followed your recent thread and ES's. How you can ask her to stay off your thread (which she agreed to if you'd extend her the same courtesy) and then post nothing but negativity on her's is beyond me. ES - I have followed a few of your posts. To be honest I think you are more than aware of your shortcomings, and are trying to have a healthy relationship. Listen to the more rational posters concerning the amount of mutual contact, and cut him some slack. My other half was very hesitant about talking about his exes for ages, talking about them had obviously caused issues with others in the past (and to be honest i imagine it might make you feel a little insecure), but over time he gradually opened up. I was aware from early on he'd never been married, engaged or had children, which would be the only things I would have definitely wanted to be aware of. It annoyed me a bit as I am nosy but i let it go! Keep going, remember to cut him some slack if he isn't perfect (none of us are and imperfection does not normally equal red flag!) and choose your battles wisely.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 As for the phone call, we BOTH don't really like talking on the phone. He doesn't call me often either. We are in contact via text and e-mails. And I initiate those on 50/50 basis. Star, I have made tons of progress. This is my longest relationship in years. I only really had one freak out where I broke up with him for 12 hours. And for the record, he doesn't think that I am crazy at all - just loving and sensitive.
Star Gazer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 It's not progress because YOU haven't changed, only the circumstances have. He's just bent to accommodate you. As I've said many, many times before - this guy sounds AWESOME. This relationship is yours to mess up. I really, really hope you don't. Ease up on the expectations, otherwise he'll burn out... 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 Star_gazer I don't post on here much, but followed your recent thread and ES's. How you can ask her to stay off your thread (which she agreed to if you'd extend her the same courtesy) and then post nothing but negativity on her's is beyond me. ES - I have followed a few of your posts. To be honest I think you are more than aware of your shortcomings, and are trying to have a healthy relationship. Listen to the more rational posters concerning the amount of mutual contact, and cut him some slack. My other half was very hesitant about talking about his exes for ages, talking about them had obviously caused issues with others in the past (and to be honest i imagine it might make you feel a little insecure), but over time he gradually opened up. I was aware from early on he'd never been married, engaged or had children, which would be the only things I would have definitely wanted to be aware of. It annoyed me a bit as I am nosy but i let it go! Keep going, remember to cut him some slack if he isn't perfect (none of us are and imperfection does not normally equal red flag!) and choose your battles wisely. Thanks for your post. Yes, I wish that he was more open about the ex thing but I know that he was never married, engaged or had any children. I guess the rest - I shouldn't worry about. Knowing myself, I would probably google them to see what they look like I did initially start to pout when he didn't want to talk about it, but decided it was silly and told him that I am cool with it He said "it's really nice being your boyfriend" .....
Recommended Posts