TomerT Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Hi there, this time my post is from another side....I want to break-up with my girlfriend, but some how can not do it... We are together for about 6 months. This period was enough to understand for both of us, that we just not compatible. She is very nice, carrying and generally a good person. I consider myself also as a good guy..but apparently being good and compatible have nothing to do with each other... Anyway, I have tried to break up with here several times, we even were NC for two weeks, but always she was coming back (this way or anpther), asking us to resolve our issues... Also there is always "bad timing" foir this..for example today she felt ill - so of course I came to her (first of all as her friend), tried to make her happy, but deep inside I know that we can not be together. I know, she also realize it, but for some reason can not let me go. She lives alone, works full time and doesn't really socialise alot. I feel as if her happiness completely dependent on me and I am not sure how emotionally stable she is. The first (real) break up - was very hard to her. I really wish her all the best, we are not enemies or something like this. I just want my freedom back and I also truly beleive that eventually she will also benefit from this. I can not give her what she wants and she knows it. How do I break up with her ? Of course I can "disappear", stop answering her phones, ignoring her emails...but this is not me...eventually she didn't do anything wrong to me and not desereve this "treatment"...On the other hand, I also need to think about my well being. I don't want one day to reveal that she cheated on me (already happned once - enough is enough) or even started to date someone and kept me all this time just not to be alone... Any advice and/or insight on the situation will be highly appreciated... P.S. By the way, one time she came to my place at 11pm "try to resolve things"...so simply "disappear" may not work...I don't have plans to move cause of her
vsmini Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I want to say THANK YOU from women everywhere for not only recognizing that breaking up is hard but it needs to be done in a mature way and NOT by disappearing. So many people do this and it's awful. How to break up: You do it face-to-face.Explain that it is not working. That the two of you are not compatible and it needs to end.DO NOT say things like "I'll always love you" "Maybe we can get back together in the future" or anything else that will give her hope. I know it sounds awful but I really wish my boyfriend would have done this for meDo not talk about a friendship yet. Friendship can come months down the line. Do not be friends with her right away.She may kick, scream and cry but tell her this is for the bestTell her that you're going to be taking your space and that you need her to not call, text, email you because you will not reply - that you need her to respect each other's time to heal.Good luck honey. I was on the nasty end of a breakup and it was rough but I wish my ex hadn't agreed to be "friends" or taken my calls. I wish I would have no contacted him right away...but more importantly - I wish he would have No Contacted me as well. Would have been easier to get over him.
Fedor Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 All you can do is be straight up with her. Just be real and if she wont accept it then that's her problem. But just be straight with her because she probably deserves that.
stray Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I agree, just be totally honest with her. And do it face-to-face (not via email or text). Explain to her that you feel the relationship is no longer working for you, and with that in mind, you aren't able to give her what she needs. You may also want to say that you understand you're coming off looking like a d**k, but that you ultimately want to do what's absolutely best for her and absolutely best for you. Don't try to pull the "lets be friends" card. That makes a mockery of whatever relationship you two had, and it just drags out the getting over each other process. Tell her you're going to need some time to process everything and that for her sake and yours, you don't want her to contact you for a while. Explain to her she has been an awesome girlfriend and that she hasn't done anything wrong, there's nothing about her you'd "change" - you just feel like you guys are moving in different directions. Explain to her you realize this is a part of life, and that you acknowledge and value the relationship you two had, but that for your mental well-being, you need to move on from it. Don't get flip-floppy, and DON'T regret this - follow your heart.
Author TomerT Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 Thank you all, I will try to follow your advice... My second question will be, what is the good timing for that kind of conversation ? It's seems never a good time...For example she is sick those days, so those news probably will not help to her well being...so how should I act till we have this conversation ? Like the same loving bf ? Can we still have sex ? (Not like I am complaining , but sometimes my head is in completely different place when I with her...I not enjoy it and she doesn't deserve this). Then, just saying "let's break up" when everything seems to be OK, will be like a "bomb out of nowhere" for her...On the other hand start acting remotely right now and wait until we start fighting ? It will just make us argue again and eventually say things that we both don't really mean and will regret after... P.S. My previous gf, broke up in the ugliest way one could imagine (in one line - she got pregnant from her x). I know she is sorry and most likely bite her elbows for her behavior...I don't want to be like her and want to live in piece with myself.
Kilty Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Can you still have sex ????? Seriously ? Any brownie points you gained for wishing to be mature about the break up have just gone buster lol
Author TomerT Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 With all do respect, what's wrong with having sex when both grown ups want it ? Actually, I would define our relationship now as "friends with benefits"...
vsmini Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Can you still have sex ????? Seriously ? Any brownie points you gained for wishing to be mature about the break up have just gone buster lol Totally agree. Seriously. Damn - I thought we had a good one here. Sure - break up with the girl that's already proven hard to break up with and keep using her for a f*ck now and then. Yea- that won't backfire on your A*s at all. If you want sex - get it from someone else. And to answer your question about what's wrong when grownups want sex? Nothing as long as BOTH of them do not have feelings for the other person - and even then it usually always ends up with someone hurt.
vsmini Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 With all do respect, what's wrong with having sex when both grown ups want it ? Actually, I would define our relationship now as "friends with benefits"... Oh - and would she define it that way too? probably not if you're talking about breaking up with her - which would mean you are currently together as boyfriend and girlfriend.
Author TomerT Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 Sure - break up with the girl that's already proven hard to break up with and keep using her for a f*ck now and then. Totally not agree... I don't want and not keep anyone for sex. If something, sometimes I feel she is "using" me for this...She even mentioned it on some occasions, that she has needs...She was always coming back and "trying to fix things"...What can I do, when she saying me "hug me" or stuff like this....What did I do wrong - the fact that I don't want to hurt her ? Should I act really like an ass..ole and be rude to her ?
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