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my girlfriend dumped me then went off with someone else within a few days.......

dreamscape123

By dreamscape123
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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dreamscape123 Established Member

dreamscape123

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Hi Everyone,

 

Well I know its been discussed before on here, but here we go.

I have been in a 19 month long relationship with my girlfriend ( ex ) .She is 18. We were very close, I was her first true love, and she lost her virginity to me, which was very important to her.... and to me...We did all the usual things, and had a very loving relationship that was just perfect... e discussed being true soul mates, and after she qualified in her university course , we talked about buying a place and thinking about families...

 

Her course requires her to go over seas for a few months at a time to get work experience, and she had been away twice before, and everything had been fine whilst she was away, and once she returned too...

 

However, about 6 weeks ago, she started to believe that i was cheating on her with a work friend of mine.. I have to say firstly , that this is not true... At first she said she beieved me, although she did question me a few times about this after...

 

She then went away on another trip over seas, and within a week ended it with me... no matter what i emailed to her , she didnt want to know or hear my side of the story... she said she knew i was having an affair, which of course i was not... She ended it and told me not to contact her again...

 

With in a week of this, she has started going out with a new guy she met whilst away...

 

Thinking of them together, doing the things we do, being intimate with each other makes me feel so sick and low..... esspecially when i have done nothing wrong..... I have emailed her, text her and facebooked her, but she only throws it back in my face..... The thing is, i love her so much, and this all hurts so bad....

 

She was always such a kind wonderful, thoughtful careing girl... real sensible head on her shoulders... I just dont understand it all.....

 

The fact she chose me to first sleep with ment so much to me.... and the thought of some ohter guy with her makes me feel so low... I am sure he is just taking advantage of her while she is down.... the classic " REBOUND" .... any advice on how to get over this would be great....

 

 

thanks guys

Kodo Established Member

Kodo

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However, about 6 weeks ago, she started to believe that i was cheating on her with a work friend of mine.. I have to say firstly , that this is not true... At first she said she beieved me, although she did question me a few times about this after...

 

Key point here. She has changed. You may have changed too but as soon as things start changing like this, everything becomes unbalanced.

 

She then went away on another trip over seas, and within a week ended it with me... no matter what i emailed to her , she didnt want to know or hear my side of the story... she said she knew i was having an affair, which of course i was not... She ended it and told me not to contact her again...

 

With in a week of this, she has started going out with a new guy she met whilst away...

 

Like most people here, we're going to say to do exactly that, not contact her. There is really nothing you can say or do that's going to bring things under your control.

 

By not contacting her you're not "letting her go". There is no failure here. She has knocked all the walls around her and RUN and left you to hold the roof by yourself.

 

Thinking of them together, doing the things we do, being intimate with each other makes me feel so sick and low..... esspecially when i have done nothing wrong..... I have emailed her, text her and facebooked her, but she only throws it back in my face..... The thing is, i love her so much, and this all hurts so bad....

 

As horrible as it is you now know what true pain feels like. It'll allow you to empathise with others and make you all the more cautious in the future.

 

I've been in your shoes before. I know what that pain is like and I am sorry there is nothing I can say that'll change it or make it better for you.

 

Advice? Stop the contact and disappear completely. No mutual friends, no facebook. No nothing.

 

Stay strong. Even when you don't believe it.

ThatBwoii Established Member

ThatBwoii

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Simple, FORCE urself to not contact her, if u do u will push her away more, if u dont, she may reconsider and come back to you. if she dosent, she wasnt worth chasing :)

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dreamscape123 Established Member

dreamscape123

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Thanks for the advice guys.... I know things do get better with time, and i also know that the advice you have given is 100 % spot on, and very good advice, and thanks again....

 

Its so hard though... I just wonder what she is actually thinking, or feeling... Its shocking to see her throw away a very long relationship that was going really well so quickly....

 

I am guessing this new guy is a REBOUND thing, just wish she would see and understand that... Still makes me feel sick thinking about it, and them together though.... Should still be us, and it was until a month or so ago...

 

Just prior to starting this thread, i wrote her an email , telling her how i felt, and my shock at it all... I hope she read it and took it all in, and perhaps she will in time understand .. Thing is, now she has been with someone else, i am not sure i would take her back... After all, she could go and end things again.. Thats if she would even get back together... right now she just says i am a liar and a cheat and not to contact her again... and is not interested in hearing my side of the story...

 

Oh well, thanks again guys i do appreciate the advice... it does help to share a problem...

Fedor Established Member

Fedor

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Run and never look back. That is all I can really say.

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dreamscape123 Established Member

dreamscape123

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Fedor, I know in the long run of things you are probably right, but thats so hard... It really was a perfect time that we were together.. this all started from her thinking i was cheating when i would never to that to her....

 

I only found out yesterday that she was seeing some new guy... so that is a real fresh kick in the groin for me.... and hurts like hell...

Fedor Established Member

Fedor

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Fedor, I know in the long run of things you are probably right, but thats so hard... It really was a perfect time that we were together.. this all started from her thinking i was cheating when i would never to that to her....

 

I only found out yesterday that she was seeing some new guy... so that is a real fresh kick in the groin for me.... and hurts like hell...

 

Your relationship spans longer than a year and she's finds another guy so soon? I have a hard time believing that this wasnt planned. Is it possible she made you the scapegoat so she could end the relationship? Think about it! I know it hurts but this should open up your eyes as to what kind of person you were actually with.

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dreamscape123 Established Member

dreamscape123

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you know what Fedor, you could be right my about that my friend... But she could not have planned it with him... She only met him a few weeks back on her work experience trip... She had accused me of cheating prior to that... Thats why i think its just a rebound thing...

Fedor Established Member

Fedor

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you know what Fedor, you could be right my about that my friend... But she could not have planned it with him... She only met him a few weeks back on her work experience trip... She had accused me of cheating prior to that... Thats why i think its just a rebound thing...

 

In another thread, you asked how am dealing with my situation. Thanks for asking btw. Day by day I am becoming more realistic that I may not have her back. I have one more trick up my sleeve to win her back but wont pull it out for a few weeks. In this break up process, you start to become mature and you find out things about yourself. I'm in a bad place right now but I'm learning that I dont NEED my ex. In your situation, you say the man she's with is 40? I am correct? Maybe she is looking for a man that is more mature and well off and that is not to say your not mature but you get what I mean. And where did she get this idea of cheating from?

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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This isn't a rebound thing. She was having an affair with this guy. She was accusing you of having an affair to either justify what she was doing or feeling for this guy. It wouldn't surprise me if this guy was filling her head with this stuff that you were cheating on her while she was gone. Therefore, she shouldn't feel guilty about what she was doing because you were probably doing it to her.

 

Sorry, but you don't end a relationship and then IMMEDIATELY jump into a new one within days of a break up without something being there BEFORE the break up.

 

She's finally showing her true colors. Be happy that you got out when you did.

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dreamscape123 Established Member

dreamscape123

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I am glad to hear things are getting easier for you... and i really do hope things work out for you exactly how you want them to, and for the best for you .

 

Well, i house share with 2 people , but they teach at the university where she is on her course... so i never invited her round here because of the whole conflict of interest between them... Prior to house sharing with them, i had my own place, and my ex and i lived together practically. i moved out and explained what i was going to do about house sharing with them, and she understood...that was about 9 months ago... At first things were fine, and i stayed with her at her uni, or we would go away together at weekends.. but in the last few months, she did ask me about one of the people i live with.. i tried explaining and she accepted it... but the other week she said she knew what was going on, and that was it....

 

Thing is, i do see things from her perspective, but she is simply wrong... but she wont listen... thing is... this new guy is distracting her from actually thinking about things.... which not only makes me feel sick, but it frustrates the hell out of me....

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dreamscape123 Established Member

dreamscape123

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hi chi townD, not in this case , she met him just as we split up, she did not know him before ...

Fedor Established Member

Fedor

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I am glad to hear things are getting easier for you... and i really do hope things work out for you exactly how you want them to, and for the best for you .

 

Well, i house share with 2 people , but they teach at the university where she is on her course... so i never invited her round here because of the whole conflict of interest between them... Prior to house sharing with them, i had my own place, and my ex and i lived together practically. i moved out and explained what i was going to do about house sharing with them, and she understood...that was about 9 months ago... At first things were fine, and i stayed with her at her uni, or we would go away together at weekends.. but in the last few months, she did ask me about one of the people i live with.. i tried explaining and she accepted it... but the other week she said she knew what was going on, and that was it....

 

Thing is, i do see things from her perspective, but she is simply wrong... but she wont listen... thing is... this new guy is distracting her from actually thinking about things.... which not only makes me feel sick, but it frustrates the hell out of me....

Thank you. But, I have never seen a situation like this. Maybe you just werent the one for her. She moved on really quick and left you in the dust. All you can do now is lick your wounds and move on. She's with another man now so there is virtually nothing you can do but go NC without making yourself look weak.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Okay, I stand corrected. However, for her to jump to another guy right after leaving you says a lot about how she felt about you and your relationship. You're better off without her. She will contact you again. She will start to feel guilt on how things went down and she'll try to reach out to make sure you don't hate her. Just ignore her. Stay NC.

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dreamscape123 Established Member

dreamscape123

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@FEDOR, yup it is a strange situation, i admit, and i do see it from her point of view, its an odd one eh...... Thing is, i have now invited her round here to meet everyone etc, but she doesnt want to know.... Its very hard to admit , but i think you are right..

 

@Chi townD , Staying NC is so hard, but i am sure going to try.. I sent her some emails saying what i felt and thought.. hopfully in time she will realise the hurt etc that she has caused me... Funny thing is... her dad always cheated on her mum for years , and she was regularly crying in my arms about her mums pain and upset... I guess this is why she straight away assumed i must be cheating too.....

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dreamscape123 Established Member

dreamscape123

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Things are feeling hard and tough again, and here i am at half 4 in the morning awake and sat here .. Everyday I have to drive past a small hotel. It is the last place i ever spent the night , and actually saw my ex. We went there just for somewhere different to stay, and it was very romantic, and a great evening. She is in the merchant navy training to be an officer, and a week or so later she was back at sea doing further training, when it then ended with her dumping me.. She then met this new guy on this ship and you guys all know the rest.. This ship is still in the port where i live, and i also have to drive past this. It makes me want to throw up going past, as i know what must have happened onboard.. It hurts so bad, and just is not gettting easier..

  • 2 weeks later...
LjHappyDays Member

LjHappyDays

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Hi Dreamscape - you told me to have a quick read and its kind of like my situation and i no exactly hat you mean about your ex been intimate with someone else... It destroyed me to think of it at first but then by coming on here and keeping myself busy i havent really had the time.

 

And i no im going to be intimate with someone else one day, and he has to think of that.

 

Thanks for referring me to this post of yours (your right the advice is brilliant too)

 

:D

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dreamscape123 Established Member

dreamscape123

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LjHappyDays - No problem, thats what we are all here for... Keep me posted with how things go :0)
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