sweetblubrry Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 It has been 4 months and I still think about my ex all the time. I also work with him... I don't see him that much but I still do. And he acts like nothing is wrong and is all friendly and happy toward me. It kills me on the inside. He knows that I am upset with him (bc of some lies he told me, he apparently lies about a lot of things i found out thru friends) but at work I play it off since we are at work. And the other day when I saw him he was with a friend so I didn't bring anything up. He won't call me to talk and just makes excuses about why he doesn't call. "I had errands to run" "I'm absent-minded" blah, blah, blah. He even admitted he makes up excuses. I feel he is avoiding me because he knows I will give him a reality check about himself and he can't deal with that. Also I think he's worried about the finality of things with me telling him off. I know he still cares for me and doesn't know if he wants it to be over because he has told my co-workers that. Why do I still care so much for him? I miss him so much and want him back. Why do I feel this way when he really didn't treat me all that well to begin with? Tonight is the first night I've cried in awhile. It is not getting any easier. It still hurts and I miss him so much. I don't know what to do. But I can't keep doing this. Don't say no contact, because that is not possible.
shook187 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 the reason your unable to lose these feelings is because you see him all the time, my ex of 5 years refused to see me for 3 weeks after 5 long years of being in each others faces all the time. it's the only way. or in your case, find someone else to replace him, as hard or cruel as that sounds, your going to struggle to get over him whilst seeing him all the time. maybe look for a transfer. you've got to stay positive and respect his wishes. as hard as that may be. he knows he can get you back and your just becoming an option for him. don't become anyones option who didn't treat you right in the first place. I think your just scared of dramatic change. i'm in the same position right now.
coltsfan1 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 agreed the change is hard but sometimes you MUST make tough decisions.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 You guys work together so of course that's going to be a sticky situation. But you have to emotionally separate yourself from him so that you have time to heal. You have to work together but that being friendly and happy vibe at work is bull and you know it and feel it. He's settling into the fact that you two can be friends and because you allow it he's ok with it exactly how it is. Breakups have to hurt first. Otherwise it means that the person never really cared. So please, give him an ultimatum. Tell him you need to talk, or he can kick rocks for good and take his friendship with him. You have to be civil for work purposes. But no... you don't have to allow him to walk over your feelings.
radiodarcy Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 i too worked with my ex. even though that was over two years ago, we maintained contact via text and IM for about two years after i moved onto another job. i cut all of that off when i went NC three months ago. and while i feel much better, that's probably due to the fact that there's virtually no risk of seeing him whatsoever. which is without a doubt why it's been so easy to maintain NC. if i were in you're position i'd be a mess. i understand finding another job in this economy is beyond difficult. but if you can start looking (or look into the possibility of transferring as shook suggested) that might at least help alleviate some of your anxiety because you'll be taking steps to take control of the situation. if another job isn't an option then; as difficult as it may be you're just going to have to emotionally separate yourself. and yes, that means going NC in asmuch as you can given the circumstances. which means don't expect anything from him: he's made it clear he's not going to call nor is he going to give you the opportunity to sit down and have that talk you want to have. to be honest even if he was willing to sit down and talk with you, i don't think the talk would go well. it sounds like you're still too emotionally invested in him to have that discussion. it would only make things worse at this point. i'm not sure if you're looking to him for closure but if you are: forget it. he's not going to give it to you and and really closure comes from within. you can't expect him to give you what you can only give yourself.
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