lola loves him Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Ex boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago after 4 yrs together. (we're mid 30's) We were in the process of moving in together - I'm in Northern Cali, he Southern Cali. On my last visit he bought me a brand new truck, 3 weeks later he broke up with me, trying to talk me into not moving. He has PTSD from Navy and has a hard time with all life changing decisions. He's never used his PTSD as a crutch or as an excuse to be a jerk. The move has been in process for over a year. Our relationship was easy and we never had problems until we started talking about moving in together. Right before we broke up he said I should get my own place (which I was planning on doing to ease into us being closer) then he said it would be better on his stress if I just moved without him knowing, yet, he broke up with me anyways. My response was NO WAY, I'm not moving unless we're together. He hasn't called me in a month, (I will not call him). I have decided to move to his town anyways. I got an apartment near his apartment and I'm scheduled to move in 2 weeks. I really want to tell him I'm moving but friends and family say I shouldn't as this will stress him out and cause anxiety with his PTSD. I miss him so much. I'm torn. The last woman he live with was right after leaving the Navy. Within months of moving into his house she changed into this hormonal mess with bipolar undertones. She would yell at him in front of his family and yell and holler while chasing him down during fights. There was no getting away from this woman. That lasted 18 months. I just don't get it....A man who's not in love would act distant and preoccupied. He called 3x a day. He wouldn't buy his soon to be ex-girlfriend a truck then leave her 3 weeks later. Sooooo, do I tell him before I move or let our paths naturally cross?
0hpenelope Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) I really want to tell him I'm moving but friends and family say I shouldn't as this will stress him out and cause anxiety with his PTSD. I miss him so much. I'm torn. I think that your friends and family gave sound advice with this. It sounds like PTSD is the primary source of the break up and if you put pressure on him by entertaining just your desires and not respecting his space, you will create a greater rift between the two of you. Greater than the one that's already between you. Don't create the pressure and push on him. You want him to look at you as a support and not as a source of pressure. For us that have been left behind, unfortunately for us, we are more likely to do things that will drive the ones we want further away. Until you can get to a place where you can converse with him and have no expectations with regards to outcome, it's probably better to not do anything at all. Edited June 7, 2011 by 0hpenelope
Cee Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 If you are going to move to his town, I would suggest you pick an apartment on the other side of town. My ex husband moved to my town one year after our divorce. His new apartment was 4 blocks from mine and imagine my shock when I saw him on my daily running route. In the two years that we were neighbors, seeing him was a source of grief and pain. And every time I saw him he apologized profusely. The only amends he couldn't make was to leave me completely alone. I know your situation is different. It sounds like your break up was not motivated by him not loving you. But the stress of having the chance of bumping into you at any time is a lot for a person to take. If you want to move closer to him to rebuild the relationship, I guess that's okay. But if things blow up, you and he might want some distance. And remember, his home and neighborhood is safe space. He already told you you'd need to move in secret. So maybe it would good to have a few miles between you.
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