alexlakeman Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 OP, you're not doing it right... As others have said the women get tons of emails... To help me overcome that I do the following..NOT saying it's been scientifically proven, but it works for ME , just some general FYIs: Make sure it's a woman that is still active,ie it says "active within 24 hours" etc.. I never email a woman if she hasn't been active for more than 3-4 days. Either she is not focused on the online dating or when she returns she will have a sh)t load of emails to go through and mines might be one of the ones she just clicks delete to be able to keep up with it all. I just put her on my favorites and email her once I see she's been online within 1-2 days or less.They are most active online on weekends, Fri- Sunday... Just look at how many are Online on the weekends vs during the week.FOCUS - Can't send out a random email, "hi, I liked your profile, can we meet?" or "hi, cute face, email me so we can chat"...Ask her a q about something in her profile; making it easy for her to respond to something... vs "hi, thanks for the compliment"... I did it for two years, got around 20 dates with women in that time, So in 24 months you only went on 20 first dates? You're doing something wrong. So in the next 24 months how many women do you expect to meet OFF line? Life's too short to waste a minute's thought on these women online. They are so particular and choosy . And so are we....
good_vibes Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I agree with the responding with something in their profile. I am more likely to reply if a guy says something like, "Oh, I see you like marathons, I just finished xyz marathon last month, have you done that one?" Or whatever that at least indicates they are in some way active too. I might meet up with a guy that is an avid cyclist for that reason, that commonality caught my eye. The "your photo is beautiful, I'd like to get to know you better," will generally NOT work with me unless their profile is amazing, and even then I will send them a one-sentence reply. I don't log in that often because I've not found anyone too impressive in my area on there. If someone contacts me that I am interested in, I will log in to reply though.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 - Bob joins a dating website - Bob sends messages to a few girls he finds attractive - Those girls have 1000 messages in their inbox and so they don't reply - Bob starts messaging girls that he finds borderline attractive - Every other guy on the website had the same idea so those girls have 100 messages in their inbox and they don't reply either - Bob is starting to freak out, he messages girls that he doesn't find very attractive - Finally Bob gets a response and sets up a date with Jane - When they meet, Bob realizes that he is not very attracted to Jane and so he doesn't ask for a follow up date - Bob goes on Loveshack to complain that girls doing OD are too picky - Jane goes on Loveshack to complain that boys doing OD are too shallow You bring up good points. Let me add a few to make things less gender biased: -Jane puts flattering pictures taken from weird angles/in low light conditions - These pictures make her look less fat and more attractive than she actually is -Jane gets dozens if not hundreds of messages from various guys - Jane's ego shoots up - Jane starts thinking she's hot sh*t and every man wants her - (in reality, Jane is pretty average) - Jane does not bother replying to messages from average guys - She actually starts to believe that she can pull in tall dark and handsome types - (in real life, such guys hardly ever give Jane a second look) - Jane does not bother initiating conversations with men herself - A few of the "hot guys" actually want to meet Jane - Most of them disappear without a trace once they realize they've been fooled by Jane's pics - One hot guy agrees actually calls Jane back and arranges a second date - Jane is ecstatic! She has met the love of her life! They have sex. - The love of Jane's life vanishes without a trace - Jane goes to loveshack and complains how all men online are creeps, are only after one thing, etc.
AmericanHoney Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I think online dating is for people who are too old for the bar scene or don't like the bar scene so they go online and online dating is pretty much like a virtual bar anyways. Pick up a girl/ guy talk to him/ her if things work out you give her your number you eventually you go on a date. If things work out you continue going on dates if it doesn't you start the process all over again.
Arikel Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I agree, during my online dating experience I would respond to most emails that showed they actually read my profile. Sometimes it would just be to appreciate the effort even if i wouldn't meet them (not my type). But I appreciated the guys who wrote a good email. The ones that said "hi, you are gorgeous. Want to be friends" or "you are so beautiful, call me! 01xxxxxxx) I'd give a mental finger to and delete
Arikel Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 P.s: I online date because I've never been a party animal/go to bars type of person. And the people my friends introduced me to just didnt attract me. Guys also rarely just struck up a convo with me or approached me randomly in real life (most guys are surprised when they find out I'm single though). So if not for online dating, I wouldn't be going on many dates at all.. At least with OL I can choose to meet people I potentially could be attracted to
PhillyDude Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 If someone is saying they had a great time then that means they don't know ho to end the date and have no interest in a 2nd date
Author mmiller5373 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 OP, you're not doing it right... As others have said the women get tons of emails... To help me overcome that I do the following..NOT saying it's been scientifically proven, but it works for ME , just some general FYIs: Make sure it's a woman that is still active,ie it says "active within 24 hours" etc.. I never email a woman if she hasn't been active for more than 3-4 days. Either she is not focused on the online dating or when she returns she will have a sh)t load of emails to go through and mines might be one of the ones she just clicks delete to be able to keep up with it all. I just put her on my favorites and email her once I see she's been online within 1-2 days or less.They are most active online on weekends, Fri- Sunday... Just look at how many are Online on the weekends vs during the week.FOCUS - Can't send out a random email, "hi, I liked your profile, can we meet?" or "hi, cute face, email me so we can chat"...Ask her a q about something in her profile; making it easy for her to respond to something... vs "hi, thanks for the compliment"... Actually, I've done everything you just said. When I search, I look for girls active within a week. I only email women with at least three photos. If I find an area within their profile where I feel they didn't put effort into it, I move on to the next profile. If they peak my interest, I read their profile and find something we have in common... I'll write, "How's it going, _______? Hey, I see you like The Office. What do you think about Steve Carrell leaving? I'm pretty disapointed he left." or something like that.
Author mmiller5373 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 You bring up good points. Let me add a few to make things less gender biased: -Jane puts flattering pictures taken from weird angles/in low light conditions - These pictures make her look less fat and more attractive than she actually is -Jane gets dozens if not hundreds of messages from various guys - Jane's ego shoots up - Jane starts thinking she's hot sh*t and every man wants her - (in reality, Jane is pretty average) - Jane does not bother replying to messages from average guys - She actually starts to believe that she can pull in tall dark and handsome types - (in real life, such guys hardly ever give Jane a second look) - Jane does not bother initiating conversations with men herself - A few of the "hot guys" actually want to meet Jane - Most of them disappear without a trace once they realize they've been fooled by Jane's pics - One hot guy agrees actually calls Jane back and arranges a second date - Jane is ecstatic! She has met the love of her life! They have sex. - The love of Jane's life vanishes without a trace - Jane goes to loveshack and complains how all men online are creeps, are only after one thing, etc. That sounds like what's been happening.
Author mmiller5373 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 If someone is saying they had a great time then that means they don't know ho to end the date and have no interest in a 2nd date So they do the opposite when they're realling having a good time? "No... I had a terrible time on that hot air ballon ride! It was terrible. Why would I like that?"
PhillyDude Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 QUOTE=mmiller5373;3441751]So they do the opposite when they're realling having a good time? "No... I had a terrible time on that hot air ballon ride! It was terrible. Why would I like that?" If both had a good time they will just set up another meeting. Not mention they had a good time.
alexlakeman Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 If someone is saying they had a great time then that means they don't know ho to end the date and have no interest in a 2nd date Not so, you can't generalize
PhillyDude Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Not so, you can't generalize I witnessed a girl telling her a guy I had a nice time and she was obviously lying. The 2 dates I had on this month did not end with>"I had a nice time" instead it ended-"I will call you when get in"
GivenUp0083 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) So in 24 months you only went on 20 first dates? You're doing something wrong. So in the next 24 months how many women do you expect to meet OFF line? And so are we.... I didn't necessarily date the entire 24 months, but I had a profile up. You also have to factor in that about 5 of those first dates lead to multiple more dates before realizing we weren't a good fit (either my decision, or their decision). I also had double knee surgery at one point a couple winters ago and couldn't really walk for 2 months. I may have taken breaks for weeks at a time in those periods too. I didn't actively send emails every single day or week that I had a profile up. If emailing women legitimate and unique emails, expressing things I liked about their profile, pointing out some common interests, asking questions that would help me get to know them better, and being as humorous as I could be without crossing any lines.......then yeah, I'm doing something wrong. Why don't you tell me what I should do since you're the expert. I may not have the looks, but the women that went out with me commented many times that I caught their eye because I seemed very normal, down to earth, intelligent, and funny. I got dates for who I am as a person, not because of the pictures I put up. I'd much rather have that any day. Truth.....99% of women on dating sites are stupid and shallow. I probably met about 5 or so women offline that I went on dates with too. I don't consider myself picky. I have standards but they heavily weigh personality which can't be determined in a fair manner until after you've met (yet the same could be said about judging looks as well). Edited June 7, 2011 by GivenUp0083
Arikel Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 When alls said and done, OD isnt a cureall for singledom. It works for some people, doesn't for others. Like someone said, it isn't like ordering an item from a catalog. If its getting to the point where you don't expect anything from it anymore, take a break, or try a different site. Otherwise you'd just meet the same bunch of people over and over and whats the point in that?
GivenUp0083 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 When alls said and done, OD isnt a cureall for singledom. It works for some people, doesn't for others. Like someone said, it isn't like ordering an item from a catalog. If its getting to the point where you don't expect anything from it anymore, take a break, or try a different site. Otherwise you'd just meet the same bunch of people over and over and whats the point in that? It's a stupid idea and waste of time for guys. Women it works great, I'd recommend any woman I knew to online dating. Guys on the other hand I tell they are better off without it.
PhillyDude Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 It's a stupid idea and waste of time for guys. Women it works great, I'd recommend any woman I knew to online dating. Guys on the other hand I tell they are better off without it. Don't say all guys because I was asked out on a 3rd date from someone I met online today but I had to work late. You have to find the right dating service
Arikel Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 For every woman who succeeded in OD, theres a guy there who did as well Yeah maybe there are more guys than girls out there (I don't know though, I used to check out profiles of women in my area, and there were many people I think were better looking/interesting profile/active). There are a lot of people who just cannot write a good profile though, even if theyre the best people IRL. Maybe just give someone whose profile is just average a shot, you never know. P.S: Hope you posted a good pic of yourself. Some guys pics I've seen are just repulsive even when the person isn't actually. You may think you're being funny, but women dont have that same sense of humour
Arikel Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 and like PhillyDude says, use the right dating service. Don't use a free site. Too many weirdos just messing around. I personally have more respect for someone who's willing to pay for a subscription because it shows they are serious. If you can't afford 20 bucks, yikes.
Arikel Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 And one VERY IMPORTANT thing, please don't be negative. Dont put yourself down. Don't put other people down either. Its a turnoff.. Eg: I was chatting to this guy before, and when introducing himself, he immediately put down women on that website eg 'Most girls here are looking for xxx type guy. Its very hard to find a girl interested in yyy type guys like me'. And sounding way too eager 'Oh you're perfect for me, youre perfectly my type, you're just the type of person I'm looking for'. zzzz. A smart woman wants a guy who will want her even after she grows old/gains weight/gets a couple of wrinkles. That guy usually loves her for her personality, which can't be fully obtained from a first impression You probably know all that, but nothing like reinforcing a message
OliveOyl Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 For every woman who succeeded in OD, theres a guy there who did as well Excellent point. In fact, one can boldly state that men and women succeed in equal numbers in online dating. Okay yes, true, not equal percentages .
TheLawmaker Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I think some just get lucky. And the importance of profile pics and a good, well written profile can't be denied. You have to have an exciting profile, and exciting pics to back it up.
Red Arremer Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 The absolute best part of online dating when you're a guy is that moment when you realize you've already messaged every woman in the area you're even remotely attracted to and now your only choices are to completely redefine what you're after, lower your standards to below any sort of attraction whatsoever, or give up.
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