mmiller5373 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I don't know if it's just me, but online dating is beginning to piss me off. Are people just creating profiles for the fun of it? I put my profile up because I'm serious about finding someone. It just seems like there are way too many issues with online dating: 1) No replies. There are 1000's and 1000's of profiles on there, but you send out messages and never get a reply. You can see that they read your message, and that they looked at your profile, but they're too lazy to send a reply? Awesome. Thanks, for the effort, hun (and no I'm not sending "hey, what up sexy?" messages. I read their profiles and put time into my emails). 2) They reply. In my experience, for the ones that do reply, we send a few messages back and forth, they show interest, so I grab get their number and try to set up a meet-up. This is where 1 of three things happen. 2a) We meetup and they look nothing like their picture. 2b) We setup a date to meetup, but they flake on the day of the meetup. 2c) We exchange messages back and forth... and they eventually stop replying. Is it just me?
ConfusedGuy28 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Nope - sounds about right. The thing is - people think "online dating" is exactly that - talking to a bunch of people online. They fail to realize it gives two people the ability to meet and connect BEFORE meeting up. Thereby creating chemistry which would normally be created say, by meeting someone at work who you talk to 8 hours a day for a couple of weeks and then go for coffee. People think online dating is the following: I can post up my profile and check out all these hot people I normally wouldn't meet. Flirt with a few hotties. Meet hotties. If there's chemistry and we're both attracted to each other - then we can start dating and hooking up. Very few people use it to create a real relationship - and that's really what its best for. It seems like it is used by people who don't want to put the effort into going to a bar to hook up with people, but instead want to just sit back and pick and choose who they want - like they're ordering something from amazon or something
oaks Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 (and no I'm not sending "hey, what up sexy?" messages. I read their profiles and put time into my emails). It's not just you... I have to send lots of messages before getting positive replies, but sometimes it works and I think I have 3 dates this week. You're right not to start with such a short message, but try not to spend too much time on it... partly because it just takes up so much time (since you have to send lots of messages to get replies) and partly because you'll probably write better messages if they are spontaneous rather than something you've spent ages thinking about. I'm finding that the messages don't even have to be unique - three of my last 4 dates started from essentially the same message - but it still helps to show that you actually read their profile. Each time you send a message, just imagine that this is going to be the last contact you have with the woman (since most of the time it will be!) and then you won't be so bothered that they never reply.
good_vibes Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 From a woman's perspective, I have, and have also heard from other women, that you get inundated with replies from men so it's impossible to reply to all. I used to reply to people personally saying thanks for the email but I don't think we match, or similar. Many would use that as an in that because you replied, you really WERE interested, and then again reply to my email to keep things going. It was taking up way too much time. After a while I even with the "I'm not interested" button was not working. I tried using that for a while but then I would get some really nasty replies from men after using it. If I don't use it, I don't get the nasty replies. For me if the guys email too much then I lose interest. I'm busy and don't have a lot of time for it. And, I'm pretty selective at this point, so I don't meet that many guys from online, in person is better because you see them face to face and know from the start. As for the poster who talked about bars, I'm 38 and don't drink or smoke so at this point in my life hope I wouldn't ever meet a guy in a bar again. I don't hang out in bars so wouldn't want to meet someone who does. I'm a marathon runner and a nature lover so would rather meet someone out on a nature trail than in a bar... but admittedly that's a bit hard when you're speeding by with a 50 lb dog.
KOH Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 online dating sucks anyway, you'll know each other way too much before the actual date which would make the date boring, if you're looking for something casual then its a different story.
Disillusioned Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Just more proof that the dating scene in this country is broken and we want it to stay that way.
bac Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I don't know if it's just me, but online dating is beginning to piss me off. Are people just creating profiles for the fun of it? I put my profile up because I'm serious about finding someone. It just seems like there are way too many issues with online dating: 1) No replies. There are 1000's and 1000's of profiles on there, but you send out messages and never get a reply. You can see that they read your message, and that they looked at your profile, but they're too lazy to send a reply? Awesome. Thanks, for the effort, hun (and no I'm not sending "hey, what up sexy?" messages. I read their profiles and put time into my emails). 2) They reply. In my experience, for the ones that do reply, we send a few messages back and forth, they show interest, so I grab get their number and try to set up a meet-up. This is where 1 of three things happen. 2a) We meetup and they look nothing like their picture. 2b) We setup a date to meetup, but they flake on the day of the meetup. 2c) We exchange messages back and forth... and they eventually stop replying. Is it just me? IMO it is because you are shallow and you care only about their looks. Women who put fake/old pics are very desperate that is why they are readily available to meet everyone right now including yourself. You do not care for their interests, things in common and personalities. That is why they flake because they do not see any potential for intellectual/emotional connection.
Author mmiller5373 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 IMO it is because you are shallow and you care only about their looks. Women who put fake/old pics are very desperate that is why they are readily available to meet everyone right now including yourself. You do not care for their interests, things in common and personalities. That is why they flake because they do not see any potential for intellectual/emotional connection. Hahaha. Wow, you're an idiot. And women can sense that I'm shallow before they meet me? Why would I want anything to do with a desperate woman who puts up fake/old pictures? Just because they lied... I'm the shallow one?
TheLawmaker Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Hahaha. Wow, you're an idiot. And women can sense that I'm shallow before they meet me? Why would I want anything to do with a desperate woman who puts up fake/old pictures? Just because they lied... I'm the shallow one? I have to agree with this. Look, men are attracted to physical beauty. We're shallow, every single one of us. However, we're all attracted to different things. I like brunettes. Some guys like blondes. Some like redheads. Some are chubby chasers. Some like skinny girls. Some like tall girls. Some like short girls. And some just don't care, if all the rest of the criteria is there. I am a face person. I love pretty looking faces. I don't care much about the body, except for it to be sexy and there not to be obesity involved. Does that make me any less credible than someone who's a butt person, or a boob person, or...whatever? I also like pretty feet. A girl with pretty feet makes me want to go talk to her. This means that, in the summer, I am much more attracted to girls than in the winter. Does that somehow make me weird? No, I just have a foot fetish. To be human is to be shallow, in different ways. Bac, I'm sure you are shallow in some ways, too.
marigold7 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I don't know if it's just me, but online dating is beginning to piss me off. Are people just creating profiles for the fun of it? I put my profile up because I'm serious about finding someone. It just seems like there are way too many issues with online dating: 1) No replies. There are 1000's and 1000's of profiles on there, but you send out messages and never get a reply. You can see that they read your message, and that they looked at your profile, but they're too lazy to send a reply? Awesome. Thanks, for the effort, hun (and no I'm not sending "hey, what up sexy?" messages. I read their profiles and put time into my emails). 2) They reply. In my experience, for the ones that do reply, we send a few messages back and forth, they show interest, so I grab get their number and try to set up a meet-up. This is where 1 of three things happen. 2a) We meetup and they look nothing like their picture. 2b) We setup a date to meetup, but they flake on the day of the meetup. 2c) We exchange messages back and forth... and they eventually stop replying. Is it just me? No, it's not just you. One of my guy friends has been on OKC for months now and he's a really funny, nice guy. I, however, was able to start a relationship with someone off OKC, maybe because I'm a girl? Haha. My boyfriend who I met off OKC had been on there for a few months before we met...and I actually met a criminal off of hotornot. That was interesting. What ConfusedGuy, oaks and Goodvibes said makes a lot of sense to me. I think KOH is kinda right - that CAN happen, but it's pretty avoidable. and Lorgic..well I hope you aren't speaking for ALL women. I would agree that SOME women are like that, however. I think online dating has to be supplemented with "real life" dating. There are a lot of people who use dating websites dishonestly...so I guess you "just" have to be patient.
Author mmiller5373 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 I work weird hours. Friday through Tuesday, 2pm-11pm. So it's really tough for me to get out to meet people. I heard some good things about online dating, so I got a profile up on OKCupid and eHarmony. I've been out of the dating world for about 4 years, so I don't know if it's just women today or if it's an online dating thing. Here are some examples: 1) I play the messaging game with this chick for a month, where she keeps rescheduling our meetup. We finally meetup, have a second, and third date. She tells me she has a great time and can't wait to see me again... Then she just ignores me. No call backs or responds to texts. 2) I message a girl and get her number that day. We meetup that night. Things seem good, she even says she has a great time. She doesn't answer calls or texts. 3) I message another girl a few times and we finally meetup. She seems awesome, though after a few dates I realize she's wicked insecure and a bit of a psycho. 4) Woah, a girl messages me!!! Seems like that never happens. We chat back and forth, I score her number. We setup a date. Day of the date, she doesn't pick up or answer to my texts. Never heard from her again. 5) I message a girl... She responds. We go back and forth for days. I score the number, she says she wants to meet. An hour before our meetup, she flakes due to work. She says she'll call me tomorrow. Never hear from her. A few days later, I ask her when she's free, she replies with a "I don't know. Good question" I reply with a day. She doesn't respond. Is it common for women to say they had a good time, but not mean it? I just don't get it. Lol. Also, WTF is the point of messaging back and forth, and wasting time, if you don't intend on doing anything? It just seems like people expect their 100% match to show up, do all the work for them, and they ride off into the sunset together.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 What are you looking for? Casual dating with multiple people, or a girlfriend? I met my boyfriend online. Both he and I had a couple of years, at least, at it, and also had times when we got discouraged and quit for months. Challenges may be generally different for men and women in that arena, but believe me, they exist in droves for both. If you want to ever have "success" with online dating, you have to just move through the disappointments, flakes, psychos, misrepresentations, etc. without getting mad or downtrodden about them, and just carry on. If a girl "looks nothing like her picture," so what. It was just a half hour coffee meeting (I hope). You can still be polite and move on. As someone said in another thread recently, you are probably in contact with a lot more women than you would be without online dating. That's a positive.
Ouroboros Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 For men seeking women it isn't a good way to go about it especially with the overwhelming number of males to females. Last time I looked it was 3 to 1 or 2 to 1 in my area. For one site it was like 50 to 1 but it was a hobbyist dating site of sorts. I hear many tales of women giving up prematurely as well. For women seeking men it is better but if you aren't the kind who had it easy offline then online won't be much better. You also should keep in mind these sites are dominated by those with difficulty socializing. This is the source of some issues that arise with messaging you could experience.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 For men seeking women it isn't a good way to go about it especially with the overwhelming number of males to females. Last time I looked it was 3 to 1 or 2 to 1 in my area. For one site it was like 50 to 1 but it was a hobbyist dating site of sorts. I hear many tales of women giving up prematurely as well. For women seeking men it is better but if you aren't the kind who had it easy offline then online won't be much better. I basically agree with you, but even if women have an easier time of online dating than men do generally ... if they are having success, that means that there are men also having success WITH them. So, though the odds may not be equal, both genders are having "success." Whatever that means. In my case, a man and I met and are now past the two year mark of a good relationship. Success for both of us, according to what we each wanted to find. You also should keep in mind these sites are dominated by those with difficulty socializing. This is the source of some issues that arise with messaging you could experience. This is changing fast. Many single people are using it since it's so widely available now and the negative stigma seems to have dwindled - even those who are also out in clubs, etc., to meet potential dates. Online dating sites are also a playground for callous players of all types.
somedude81 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 If you're a man doing online dating. You are nothing more than a face in a catalog. You better be extremely good looking and/or have an amazing profile or you might as well not try.
good_vibes Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I forgot to mention that my best friend who introduced me to online dating met her husband online. They have been married now for just over seven years and just had a baby. So it can turn out OK. Also women aren't the only ones who put up fake/old pictures. Men do the same, I had a couple bad experiences with that early on. I would just make sure they have multiple pictures up, different scenarios are preferable too, like I have one of me finishing a half marathon, traveling with family, a self-portrait, etc - because I have nothing to hide. Be careful with the copy/paste emails, whoever posted that. One time someone emailed me with the same introductory email two different times and that was highly unimpressive. Both times I've recently "seriously" dated I've dated both online and offline and ended up with someone I met offline. I do agree too with the person that said many people online have communication problems, at least many of the men I meet online do, sometimes I wonder if that's why they hide behind the wall of online dating. I don't know why women would flake, except that it seems harder to get genuinely interested or invested in someone you've only meet online and have not met in person yet.
Author mmiller5373 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 What are you looking for? Casual dating with multiple people, or a girlfriend? I met my boyfriend online. Both he and I had a couple of years, at least, at it, and also had times when we got discouraged and quit for months. Challenges may be generally different for men and women in that arena, but believe me, they exist in droves for both. If you want to ever have "success" with online dating, you have to just move through the disappointments, flakes, psychos, misrepresentations, etc. without getting mad or downtrodden about them, and just carry on. If a girl "looks nothing like her picture," so what. It was just a half hour coffee meeting (I hope). You can still be polite and move on. As someone said in another thread recently, you are probably in contact with a lot more women than you would be without online dating. That's a positive. I'm looking for a girlfriend.
Author mmiller5373 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 If you're a man doing online dating. You are nothing more than a face in a catalog. You better be extremely good looking and/or have an amazing profile or you might as well not try. I'm a really good looking guy with what I think is a pretty good profile. I put time/effort into my profile, and I think it comes off as really funny. I've sent messages to REALLY attractive women and I get no reply. I've sent messages to attractive women and all I get is a few messages back and forth. I've sent messages to decent-looking women and the same thing happens. I just don't get it.
mortensorchid Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I think we fail to see a few things in the online world: 1) You can be anyone you want to be, which includes (if you are that kind of person) lying. 2) There are people out there who are looking to get their egos stroked by leading someone on thinking that they will meet. I have encountered people who will have a correspondence going on for weeks sometimes months and they will never meet. 3) There are people who actually do meet at some point and then they never see or speak to each other again. Why is this the case? I guess the world is full of lonely people. No other reason.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 (edited) What are you looking for? Casual dating with multiple people, or a girlfriend? I met my boyfriend online. Both he and I had a couple of years, at least, at it, and also had times when we got discouraged and quit for months. Challenges may be generally different for men and women in that arena, but believe me, they exist in droves for both. If you want to ever have "success" with online dating, you have to just move through the disappointments, flakes, psychos, misrepresentations, etc. without getting mad or downtrodden about them, and just carry on. If a girl "looks nothing like her picture," so what. It was just a half hour coffee meeting (I hope). You can still be polite and move on. As someone said in another thread recently, you are probably in contact with a lot more women than you would be without online dating. That's a positive. I did it for two years, got around 20 dates with women in that time, and only 1 lead to a relationship. I gave it more than it's fair chance and I say it sucks. If anything it'll make you less confident in the real world. You are much more likely to hone your social skills in public and meet women that way than trying to put effort into writing a creative email for a woman who has the pick of the litter. Let someone else cater to these women. If they're online dating its because they're having a hard time finding a date and men aren't hitting on them in public, or guys in their social circles are avoiding them. There's a reason for this. I've heard great stories from online dating, but I gave it my shot and it's not worth the time or effort for me. I've actually lost respect for most of the women that I know online date. I'm a really good looking guy with what I think is a pretty good profile. I put time/effort into my profile, and I think it comes off as really funny. I've sent messages to REALLY attractive women and I get no reply. I've sent messages to attractive women and all I get is a few messages back and forth. I've sent messages to decent-looking women and the same thing happens. I just don't get it. It's just numbers man, don't take it personally. There is nothing wrong with you. Think about it this way: you're a great dude and I'm sure there's a ton of women who wish they had a guy like you, and every girl that struggles with meeting douchebags online is a moron for not even giving you a chance. They shot themselves in the foot, they missed their chance to meet a guy that could possibly make them the happiest woman on Earth. Work on going out to parties, approaching women in public, coffee shops, book stores, sporting events, learn to mingle and banter with random people. It's a lot less effort to say "hey, how's it going?" and have her walk away. You don't feel bad about it because you didn't have to read some stupid self proclamation and she knows nothing about you to make a fair rejection, and she's either taken, stupid, rude, or blind for not saying "going well, how about you?" Life's too short to waste a minute's thought on these women online. They are so particular and choosy (not entirely their fault, the system enables this for them) that you don't have a chance, not because there's anything wrong with you, but because so many other men are willing to cater to them. Don't be one of those guys. Let the online women drown in their own frustration over "where are all the great men??" And laugh as you walk away from online dating as it's a big effing joke. Edited June 6, 2011 by GivenUp0083
Ross MwcFan Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Dude, most women on online dating sites will be getting a LOT of messages all the time. You can't expect them to reply to every single one. Plus even if they weren't getting loads of messages, it can feel awkward to message someone back and say no thanks I'm not interested in you.
Bertram Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 - Bob joins a dating website - Bob sends messages to a few girls he finds attractive - Those girls have 1000 messages in their inbox and so they don't reply - Bob starts messaging girls that he finds borderline attractive - Every other guy on the website had the same idea so those girls have 100 messages in their inbox and they don't reply either - Bob is starting to freak out, he messages girls that he doesn't find very attractive - Finally Bob gets a response and sets up a date with Jane - When they meet, Bob realizes that he is not very attracted to Jane and so he doesn't ask for a follow up date - Bob goes on Loveshack to complain that girls doing OD are too picky - Jane goes on Loveshack to complain that boys doing OD are too shallow
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 - Bob joins a dating website - Bob sends messages to a few girls he finds attractive - Those girls have 1000 messages in their inbox and so they don't reply - Bob starts messaging girls that he finds borderline attractive - Every other guy on the website had the same idea so those girls have 100 messages in their inbox and they don't reply either - Bob is starting to freak out, he messages girls that he doesn't find very attractive - Finally Bob gets a response and sets up a date with Jane - When they meet, Bob realizes that he is not very attracted to Jane and so he doesn't ask for a follow up date - Bob goes on Loveshack to complain that girls doing OD are too picky - Jane goes on Loveshack to complain that boys doing OD are too shallow That about sums it up!
surfrider4284 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 FWIW, I created a profile and have received 17 emails and another 20 some odd winks in the first week. im not trying to look like a bragging douche, just want to give you some perspective.
ascendotum Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 - Bob joins a dating website - Bob sends messages to a few girls he finds attractive - Those girls have 1000 messages in their inbox and so they don't reply - Bob starts messaging girls that he finds borderline attractive - Every other guy on the website had the same idea so those girls have 100 messages in their inbox and they don't reply either - Bob is starting to freak out, he messages girls that he doesn't find very attractive - Finally Bob gets a response and sets up a date with Jane - When they meet, Bob realizes that he is not very attracted to Jane and so he doesn't ask for a follow up date - Bob goes on Loveshack to complain that girls doing OD are too picky - Jane goes on Loveshack to complain that boys doing OD are too shallow There is an humorous undertone to this, but in reality this is reality for hundreds of thousands of OLD uers. I can relate to it. I did it for two years, got around 20 dates with women in that time, and only 1 lead to a relationship. I gave it more than it's fair chance and I say it sucks. If anything it'll make you less confident in the real world. You are much more likely to hone your social skills in public and meet women that way than trying to put effort into writing a creative email for a woman who has the pick of the litter. Thats why guys have to keep themselves in check and see things from the perspective of the first quote, otherwise for some it can do a number on your self confidence.
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