shook187 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 i'm 22 years old, and my Girlfriend recently left me after 5 years (she's 21) we technically lasted (4 years, 10 months) but she refers to it as 5 years. we lived together after 4 years together, she rented an apartment off my mum, knowing i'd come around and eventually move in too ( she thought this would be the next step ) i suppose we had a very different relationship. i wasn't allowed girl friends, she didn't want guy friends. and this was hard on me, because before she came along i was somewhat very popular. during our time "living" together we had alot of heated arguements, not because of our relationship nesecerally, but financially i am only an apprentice earning very small money, and she was working 2 jobs to pay her side of things, so we were losing each other from distance. our relationship went from being almost perfect to a disaster, we ended up moving back home (financial reasons) but staying together, this girl worshipped the ground i walked on, and by no means did i ever take that for granted, i could go to the toilet and she'd wait outside for me. i noticed a certain drift from her, about 2 weeks before we broke up. we weren't seeing each other often, her parents lived a while away, and she worked nights and i worked days. it sortof turned into some kind of sexual relationship at late hours instead of our loving past. i remember the night she broke up with me, she called and said "you can hook up with whoever you want" this was so unlike her. there were absolutely no signs, and i know for a fact its not because of another guy or because she cheated. because everyone knew how faithful this girl was around here. she just started modelling and such, so i don't know if this is some kind of mid-life cold feet crisis on her part. she tells me we "still have a future" just not right now.. **** that!... i'm looking for some kind of steps to keep busy and occupied, after all some of you have been there and its worked. i'm having terrible trouble with the "No contact" its killing me. ill be okay for 5 days then my brain will say text her, shes forgetting about you. i guess i just want to know that i meant something to her and it wasn't just a waste. she keeps saying "i need space" "i love you but i need to find myself without you" "i want to go away worry free" considering i met this girl at 15, and now she's 21.... i just dont know what to do with myself. i have no trouble getting girls, but it's just not me, i couldn't give 2 ****s about that.. theres no substitute for this one... please give your opinions. regards J.
Spices Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Ever hear this quote? "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were." I say that the best advice for now is to lay low, enjoy life and focus on yourself for the time being.
superchiefs Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Hey man, I feel your pain. I am 31 and my 27 year old girlfriend/fiance of 5.5 years broke things off with me and has said the exact same things about finding herself, needing space and that she still loves me but doesnt know if she is in love with me. I am just glad that this all happened long before the wedding. I used to have a lot of women friends in my life, but after I got in to this relationship, all of those women ended up finding men and I have lost touch with them. After being out of the dating scene for over 5 years, it is really hard to get back in to it. I feel interested in creating new connections, but I currently just lack a little confidence right now. I can understand that you think there are no substitutes for you ex girlfriend. However, I can also tell you that you are wrong. There are a ton of women out there, and there are several that will outrank your ex. The tough part is finding those women. You and I are both on the same mission right now, and nobody has said it will be easy. Stay strong and just start telling yourself everyday that you are going to find a better woman than your ex.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Hey, I'm new to the NC thing altogether. I just started it today. From the sounds of things though, your ex really just wants some space. With mine, I think we're pretty much finished unless something turns around. However with this one, I think you still have a chance to get her back if you give her time to grow and see what she can do on her own. She's not forgetting you trust me, she may be trying to mask her feelings for you or move forward, but affairs of the heart don't disappear as easily as we try to will them away. You know this... otherwise you wouldn't be here. Give her time, let her do whatever it is she needs to do. Keep NC with her. Now when I say that... it means don't initiate contact with her first but if she does contact you don't be mean, and don't ignore her. Just be real with her in all cases.
Author shook187 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 thankyou for your advice. i think in this case she has told me. she loves me but doesn't want to love me anymore. i guess NC is going to spell the end of me. but i deserve better than this after 5 years... it's tough i won't lie.
Exit Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 The only thing that would "spell the end of you" would be to not honor her wishes. It would be one thing if you guys were still in touch and it was mutual, but it sounds like she would rather not be in touch right now. If you want some hope in this relationship getting a second chance try showing her that you love her enough to do the hardest thing that she could ever ask of you, to leave her alone for a while. In the meantime you'll have space from her and be able to reevaluate things as well.
Author shook187 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 thanks exit, thats really good advice. I want to know though, what are your thoughts on asking her out to dinner, sending flowers etc. I have an older person in my ear suggesting these things have worked. but in my case i think i really should grant space.
Recommended Posts