anniedo Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I have dated with my bf for 6 months. He helps me somehow with my life: buying me little stuffs that I needed, hanging out with me every sunday, trying to see me almost everyday, sometimes I do feel love him too much that I can't think about loving s.o else, and worry about how would we buy a house after we marry... however, at all, I think my bf is not reliable: he doesn't care for my school life (he quit college long time ago and have two labor jobs), so that he always wants to stay with me every night and never remember that I have to go to school in the morning (I reminded him but sometimes I just can't resist being with him), and the worst, sometimes he's so rude, stupid, cheap, and... sex-addicted, and he has too many obligation with his family (he's on the name of his parents' house, his father's car, his car, his sister's tv, and he spends money for luxury things but he doesn't make good money), so I don't think we would be able to save money for marriage, buying a house. I wanted to break up with him so many times, but then being lonely keeps us together again... there are many occasions that we hanged out with one of his best friend (this guy works at the same place with him too, but higher position and more socialized). I like many things about this guy: cute, friendly, modest,smart, and he's so great with kids (he doesn't have kids or marry but he's sweet and warm-hearted with other people's kids)... I don't even have his phone number, and never talk to him privately, but I feel attached to him, and I have feeling that he likes me too (there are times when he makes eyes contact with me, but i was so shy to talk to him). But, he's 11 years older than me, and i guess he would want to marry and have kids, he just haven't found a soul mate yet (I also wonder how a great person like him haven't found anyone for his life... and he's 33...) for me, I just wanna finish school, find a good job, buy a house, take care of my mom, and everything may take at least two years... I don't know if he would care much about me as my bf does, and also worry if my bf will be hurt if i wanted to break up and get to know the other guy... I hope this is just a crush and I should not break up with s.o who i know 6 months for s.o i barely know, but recently I keep thinking about that guy and want to have more chances to see him... but if i do successfully date that guy, will he and my bf still get along at work, at basketball league, and hang out eating with other friends?
Cracker Jack Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 You're creating a fantasy in your mind about this guy--believing that he'll be a better man than your bf is, since everything on the outside looks good. While being unhappy in a relationship is normal, looking at his best friend is....well, asking for trouble. I've known quite a few women who've went after their man's best friend when things were rough in the relationship, and all they did was hurt themselves in the end. You might be able to get over it, but there's a chance that your fantasy will continue to build on its own, too. Maybe you just need a break from your relationship, or perhaps don't need to be in a relationship at all.
thatone Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 you have to get rid of your boyfriend while knowing that there's a very good chance that the 33 year old wants nothing to do with a 22 year old. there's no way you will swap one for the other without causing huge amounts of drama between them.
Author anniedo Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 i agreed with both of u, and out of surprised, i told my bf that i had a crush on his best friend (now I found out that's not his best friend, but close friend), and he even said that I should tried dating that guy for a month and let him know what I choose @_@'... I think of 2 things: first, my bf doesn't love me much, second, he doesn't want to commit (and he admitted that he doesn't wanna marry soon, but yet he still wants to be with me) i want to call his friend to ask him out... but find myself nervous and worry if he says no... then my bf calls again, say sorry and hope i dont go out with the other guy... i found myself nervous enough to not call that guy (though I have the feeling he also likes me), and feel sorry for my bf... that he still thinks he's the best guy for me ?!
thatone Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 see, that's your problem with this. if you contact the other guy and he accepts, he's an as*hole, because he is dating his friend's girl. if he would treat his friend like that, how will he treat you?
Feelsgoodman Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 You want to be in the middle? Try going for a threesome.
Sivok Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 You're asking for alot of trouble here. Either drop this fantasy off your mind, or leave your boyfriend. If he doesn't want to commit and you want commitment, why are you with him anyway? Your doubts are clearly making you unhappy and looking elsewhere. If that isn't a sign to break off, I don't know what is.
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