Author TearyEyedPride Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 this is what you said in your origional thread: He said he's not happy because he no longer has the enthusiasm for the relationship because of the distance and our busy schedules if this is true, you guys would need to either find new ways to cope with the distance /schedules or figure something else out. If the reasons why the individual wasn't happy or the reasons why the relationship wasn't working are not addressed, they will resurface once the relationship reconciles. Cali! I missed you too! Funny you pointed that out though lol. I actually had written down all the reasons why he said we wouldn't work... and everytime I thought about him or wanted to reach out, or missed him... I'd quote them to myself or read them aloud and then tell myself that's why it was over. It hurt like a b*tch but it helped me mentally release. I'm not going to be able to reconcile without something changing. I can't walk back into the same situation again.
Mack05 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Keep us updated Teary. Hopefully this works out for you
wilsonx Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Cali! I missed you too! Funny you pointed that out though lol. I actually had written down all the reasons why he said we wouldn't work... and everytime I thought about him or wanted to reach out, or missed him... I'd quote them to myself or read them aloud and then tell myself that's why it was over. It hurt like a b*tch but it helped me mentally release. I'm not going to be able to reconcile without something changing. I can't walk back into the same situation again. I do not think this is the best way to release. These are his thoughts not yours. You have to come up with your own reasons why the relationship did not work. It has to be personal to you. If you are still doing this, it means he's still on his pedestal. My ex told me a lot of things but they were not true at all. She was just saying them outloud to me to validate the breakup to herself. All of the things were pety and minor. She even told me "You are a good boyfriend, not a great one" (I actually use this as a pick up line now at bars and every girl laughs at it, every single one of them and they call her a crazy bitch). For a while, I thought the breakup was my fault. It was not my fault, I did not change at all in the relationship, my ex did.
Author TearyEyedPride Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 I do not think this is the best way to release. These are his thoughts not yours. You have to come up with your own reasons why the relationship did not work. It has to be personal to you. If you are still doing this, it means he's still on his pedestal. My ex told me a lot of things but they were not true at all. She was just saying them outloud to me to validate the breakup to herself. All of the things were pety and minor. She even told me "You are a good boyfriend, not a great one" (I actually use this as a pick up line now at bars and every girl laughs at it, every single one of them and they call her a crazy bitch). For a while, I thought the breakup was my fault. It was not my fault, I did not change at all in the relationship, my ex did. Hmmm. Good point. I used his lines to help me keep from contacting him, but honestly they did make alot of sense. Of course I formulated my own opinions down the line but coupled with his it just made me want to embrace letting go even more. You're right though... when we first talked... he said that pretty much everything he said was out of fear and just to help me accept the breakup. So apparently those last words really don't mean anything to the dumper (at least in my case)... it's a mind blow. Smh. I think I'm about ready to make a decision though. I feel like a new person, with a new perspective on love. So we'll see.
Exit Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Keep us updated I'm really interested in finding out where your story goes from here.
Author TearyEyedPride Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 So after deliberating, I've decided to give it another shot. I'm not diving head first back into it at all. I'm just dipping my toe in the water, and i'll ease into from there. I'm treating this time like a new experience, with the experience i've gained from our failed attempt. We discussed the issues in our relationship, and we're making plans on how to tackle or eliminate them should they arise again. That was one of my biggest concerns. He's been trying to reassure me and gain my trust back but I still feel like it's very important for me to take things slow and find out if he's worth opening my heart to again. I guess ultimately I know I have a different perspective on our relationship now. I don't NEED him to make it. I don't really NEED a relationship to be happy either. Ultimately I'm happy and secure with me, and what I've learned about myself and how I've grown. I don't mind him being a part of my life as long as we're both able to build a new foundation for something positive and healthy, and as long as we both WANT it. If not... then it's not worth it, and I'm not afraid of letting go or being let go this time. And since realistically second chances have a very slim chance of working out... I may find myself needing to recooperate again, or maybe just maybe... we might be able to work through our issues together this time. I guess time will tell.
Kuite09 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 So after deliberating, I've decided to give it another shot. I'm not diving head first back into it at all. I'm just dipping my toe in the water, and i'll ease into from there. I'm treating this time like a new experience, with the experience i've gained from our failed attempt. We discussed the issues in our relationship, and we're making plans on how to tackle or eliminate them should they arise again. That was one of my biggest concerns. He's been trying to reassure me and gain my trust back but I still feel like it's very important for me to take things slow and find out if he's worth opening my heart to again. I guess ultimately I know I have a different perspective on our relationship now. I don't NEED him to make it. I don't really NEED a relationship to be happy either. Ultimately I'm happy and secure with me, and what I've learned about myself and how I've grown. I don't mind him being a part of my life as long as we're both able to build a new foundation for something positive and healthy, and as long as we both WANT it. If not... then it's not worth it, and I'm not afraid of letting go or being let go this time. And since realistically second chances have a very slim chance of working out... I may find myself needing to recooperate again, or maybe just maybe... we might be able to work through our issues together this time. I guess time will tell. Girl, I wish you the best of luck. I hope it works out for you. I just read your complete story and in some way you give me hope for my situation. Be strong and take your time, remember...your worth it!
Author TearyEyedPride Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Girl, I wish you the best of luck. I hope it works out for you. I just read your complete story and in some way you give me hope for my situation. Be strong and take your time, remember...your worth it! Thanks. Trust me... baby steps lol. It really took letting go mentally for this to even be possible. It was more mind over matter, and my emotions were slowly falling in line. To all the new broken hearts out there or some of us who may be holding on to a failed relationship more than we should, I don't want you to read this and and use it as a reason to hold out hope for your break up. If anything, please use it as a tale of really letting go, loving and respecting yourself beyond all else and making those determined strides to move on with your life with or without someone by your side. It's true that you have to know, accept and love you before someone else can, so if you're still focusing on that someone else... maybe you aren't ready for love to walk into your life again or for the very first time. Just enjoy the process of rediscovering and reconstructing who you are WITHOUT the other person in your life, once that happens... you'll be surprised at who wants to spend time getting to know and being with that new person.
mithunislam Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 http://www.cupid.com/aff.php?a_aid=8b6c51b0&a_bid=1e197281
Exit Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Thanks for the update Teary. I hope things go well for you.
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