I did it! I initiated NC!!

[TearyEyedPride]

Here's some of my history:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3439655&posted=1#post3439655

 

Thanks to numerous posts by kodo, dontcontact, cali and numerous others. You guys were very supportive and helpful to me in ultimately making my decision to enter NC.

 

 

Why I decided to do it:

• I really needed it for me. I was broken, tired and had no resiliency left to fight anymore for the love in which I ultimately put my all into.
  
• I had to accept that I had been fired/terminated/laid off from my girlfriend job and it was no longer about "US"
  
• In order for me to ever be ok, I need to get back to the person I was before I fell in love with this man, but taking the experiences I had from this relationship with me.
  

Since this morning:

 

I talked to my ex in a very respectful and open manner. I just told him how I really felt.

 

Some things I covered were:

• How I respected his decision and had ultimately decided to honor it.
  
• How I really did love him, but I didn't go into detail. It just needed to be said.
  
• How much the breakup had hurt, and how keeping busy and pretending everything would be ok was a mask for how hurt I really am.
  
• How being friends would ultimately stop us from being able to move on because neither one of us would be able to be ok with watching the other move on through tweets, fb or any method of contact especially if it pertained to someone new. It just wouldn't be ok if we both were still in love with each other.
  
• I let him know I had packed up the stuff he gave me, deleted his number, and was removing him from my facebook and twitter until I felt I could be just a friend.
  
• I also let him know that he could delete me from his faves, and that I wouldn't be calling, texting or intruding at this point.
  

Some things he covered were:

• How he had been suffering as well.
  
• How he didn't want me to disappear, but that ultimately he understood and respected what I had to do to heal.
  
• How he loves me too.
  
• How he felt guilty that he couldn't deliver on everything he promised in our relationship.
  

Some things I noted:

• He never once asked me to come back in his life, and at this point I feel like HE dumped ME. When we first had a breakup, I fought like crazy begging, crying, pleading and doing my all to help him understand that he was all I wanted and needed. I'm worth fighting for too though... If he wanted to he would. I guess right now he doesn't Maybe that'll come to him later? Or maybe he just needs time to regenerate and get that feeling.
  
• We were both very emotional and kept telling each other we loved one another. He's a great guy, and i'd never once wish anything bad on him.
  
• He did say he felt less stressed since we broke up.
  

I asked if it was ok to contact him again once I was over him, and he said yes. I also let him know that I wasn't changing my numbers or my email and that if he really needed to... he could contact me that way. Then we said our "I love yous" and goodbyes.

 

He sent a followup text afterwards that said:

"This may be the last time we talk because who knows when the Lord will call us home, but i want you to know you will always be in my heart. I love you. Goodbye." Tear Jerker right? Well for me it was. I'm not sure if this was the LAST I'd here from him ever... was he saying he wouldn't talk to me anymore? I was afraid it sounded a little morbid too, but I replied with my resolve anyways.

 

"Well to a certain extent tomorrow is never promised to anyone. However, if both of us are around whenever I bounce back and am able to be just a friend. I will contact you again. I promise. Thanks for everything. I love you too. Bye"

 

Reflection:

 

It was bittersweet. I miss him, I'm still thinking about him, I love him, but I have to love me too. I have to get back to being a whole individual so that I have my all to give to another if that time ever comes again. I have to accept it, and I have to let go in order to gain anything. 1 day at a time right? My journey begins here! NC... less than a day!

 

Here's an awesome quote that I loved.

 

"But I think it's important to take care of yourself. It's very important -- you have to be good for all of these people -- Always take time that you feel good about yourself by looking good, feeling good, eating right, dressing up doing all the things that give you that self esteem." -Jennifer Lopez (J.Lo) And it's my time to do just that.

[Nohbody]

Sounds like you guys managed to leave it on very good terms, so that's pretty awesome. Good luck to you, this won't be easy - so try to make the best of the time you have.

[TearyEyedPride]

Thanks for your honesty. I certainly will try.

[Trovador]

You now have a definite starting point and a place where to arrive... many of us didn't know what exactly are we doing or what we want...

 

I couldn't but notice that you still hold some hope, I guess it's only natural but I am pretty sure that the only way to advance with a healthy spirit is never thinking of going back... never...

 

You'll be fine...!

[TearyEyedPride]

Thanks for your reply.

 

Yeah. I think for me it's about regenerating and getting me back. I do love him dearly and I miss him alot as well.

 

Like I said he's a great guy, maybe one day he'll find "the one", or maybe one day if our paths cross again we'll be together again.

 

For us, although we're young... We do love, care and respect each other a hell of alot. We just have alot going on with colleges, and our lifestyles right now.

 

I do hold out hope because it's what keeps me going. Hope for myself more than anything, and in the back of my mind for now... hope that maybe he'll come around. With time though, I understand that will be slowly squelched and I'd rather it be done that way naturally and slowly alleviated; than me forceably trying to stamp it out.

[Billie The Puppet]

I fail to see where you initiated NC. You replied to his contacts that is limited contact.

 

I really think warning the ex of your intentions of going NC is counter productive not to mention it's an oxymoron as the contact in warning them is instantaneously breaking NC.

 

I do think you had a respectful post break up parting of ways but now you really need to initiate true NC.

 

I wish you the best and let your healing begin!

[TearyEyedPride]

I'm sorry, that was just my process of of how I started. I haven't talked to him since and I don't plan on it until I feel it's okay for ME to do so.

 

So I have started, but for me communication is fair. I had to let him know it hurt me and that this was going to be how it was. I didn't want to risk him texting me, calling me, trying to reach me and being friendly only for me to ignore him and then post about how that was hurting me later.

 

For me communication is the key. My ex and I were extremely close, this definitely hurts to lose him, but I didn't want to make it anymore painful by ignoring him. Who wants to be treated like that? I was just honest with him. Very honest. Now he'll understand my reasons for not contacting him, and if indeed something happens within him, maybe he'll reach out to me. More likely... he may not.

 

Either way... my point of NC was not to punish my ex for dumping me. It's not for me wanting to never speak to him again. It's not even really to move on to another relationship either... because i can't even fathom another one at this point. It's simply to reclaim who I am, who I was and to find out who I want to be.

[california15]

hey girl Just saying that I'm happy for you... knew you could do it.

 

you'll have your good days and bad days, so come here in your moments of weakness when you feel like talking to him, because we have all experienced good days / bad days and can help.

 

I think its good that you got 'closure' so to speak and ended on good terms, because that can be a battle in itself for those who never got it. Like Nohbody said, make the best of this time. Work on you and don't worry so much about him. Love yourself.

 

you'll make it.

 

bottom line STAY STRONG.

[TearyEyedPride]

So... it's officially been two weeks since I've been in NC with my ex. I went back and read my original posts and i've pretty much done a huge turnaround lol.

 

Right now I'm feeling betrayed by my ex. So i'm angry. I clealy had this guy on a pedistal when I first started. I've began to question alot of his behaviors, things that he said, promises he made, and looking back... He wasn't a horrible boyfriend to me, but he definitely doesn't deserve to be idolized.

 

I've still thought about him alot. I've been able to sleep through nights now, although I still get up a it earlier and look at my phone. I don't expect him to have texted me now though, so that's good. At first I had a huge problem being able to eat. I seriously lost 10 lbs in one week. This week though, I managed to get my appetite back slowly although it hasn't returned completely yet.

 

The block on fb and twitter remains, something I was struggling with initially, but it's really helped knowing that I can express whatever I want to without taking his feelings into consideration. NC is about me... so I'm trying to keep that in mind.

 

I can't say what the future holds... but I seriously doubt that there will ever be a chance at reconciliation. The only thing I'm learning about him from this time apart is that he doesn't care, and wasn't worthy of all the love and effort put into him. His stock is losing value with me. I'm not even sure if I want to be friends with him futuristically anymore. I mean yeah, he was a part of my life for about 3 years... but we didn't have kids, many if any real mutual friends... he lives halfway across the country... and he opted not to be a part of my life anymore. I don't see a reason to attempt to be chums. I mean what does being a friend with an ex do for anyone anyways?

 

So maybe the last goodbye was goodbye forever. *shrugs* We'll see.

 

As far as focusing on myself. I realize who my true friends are and they've been supportive. I've reconnected with family I thought I hated, and built bridges leaving communication lines open. I'll be back in school in the fall. I've worked out, hung out with friends and met new people. Life is moving along with or without me, so I'm choosing to be a part of mine.

 

Posting here helps me, whether it's sharing or giving advice I appreciate LS for being an outlet when I don't wanna talk about "that guy" to my friends again lol.

 

14 days... going strong. I've set a few mini goals, but I don't wanna jinx them. Hope everything is proceeding well with you guys also.

[Trovador]

Fine! Congratulations! From now on everything will be better and easier... although there will be some few bad days, but don't despair, it's only natural... like the first morning I didn't think of my ex and I realized it a couple of hours later... it was sad, despite I don't love her anymore... I guess it was just a human gesture, nothing to get crazy about...

 

Now, to work hard on your goals!

[TearyEyedPride]

Thanks! 2 weeks & I just battled another thought of breaking NC lol. Yep it's only gonna get harder from here, but I think I'm strong enough to withstand it.

[california15]

Teary! 2 weeks is great:) I know our b/u happened around the same time (I'm basically at 3 weeks now) but I agree with you: Your posts now are in a different place than 2 weeks ago, and you're doing great. I've been reading your replies to other threads and they've helped me tremendously. And in helping other people on here, I've been helping myself too. Ah LS is great.

 

Do you get PM?

[RN2011]

 

Why I decided to do it:

• I really needed it for me. I was broken, tired and had no resiliency left to fight anymore for the love in which I ultimately put my all into.
  
• I had to accept that I had been fired/terminated/laid off from my girlfriend job and it was no longer about "US"
  
• In order for me to ever be ok, I need to get back to the person I was before I fell in love with this man, but taking the experiences I had from this relationship with me.
  

Since this morning:

 

I talked to my ex in a very respectful and open manner. I just told him how I really felt.

 

Some things I covered were:

• How I respected his decision and had ultimately decided to honor it.
  
• How I really did love him, but I didn't go into detail. It just needed to be said.
  
• How much the breakup had hurt, and how keeping busy and pretending everything would be ok was a mask for how hurt I really am.
  
• How being friends would ultimately stop us from being able to move on because neither one of us would be able to be ok with watching the other move on through tweets, fb or any method of contact especially if it pertained to someone new. It just wouldn't be ok if we both were still in love with each other.
  
• I let him know I had packed up the stuff he gave me, deleted his number, and was removing him from my facebook and twitter until I felt I could be just a friend.
  
• I also let him know that he could delete me from his faves, and that I wouldn't be calling, texting or intruding at this point.
  

Some things he covered were:

• How he had been suffering as well.
  
• How he didn't want me to disappear, but that ultimately he understood and respected what I had to do to heal.
  
• How he loves me too.
  
• How he felt guilty that he couldn't deliver on everything he promised in our relationship.
  

Some things I noted:

• He never once asked me to come back in his life, and at this point I feel like HE dumped ME. When we first had a breakup, I fought like crazy begging, crying, pleading and doing my all to help him understand that he was all I wanted and needed. I'm worth fighting for too though... If he wanted to he would. I guess right now he doesn't Maybe that'll come to him later? Or maybe he just needs time to regenerate and get that feeling.
  
• We were both very emotional and kept telling each other we loved one another. He's a great guy, and i'd never once wish anything bad on him.
  
• He did say he felt less stressed since we broke up.
  

I asked if it was ok to contact him again once I was over him, and he said yes. I also let him know that I wasn't changing my numbers or my email and that if he really needed to... he could contact me that way. Then we said our "I love yous" and goodbyes.

 

He sent a followup text afterwards that said:

"This may be the last time we talk because who knows when the Lord will call us home, but i want you to know you will always be in my heart. I love you. Goodbye." Tear Jerker right? Well for me it was. I'm not sure if this was the LAST I'd here from him ever... was he saying he wouldn't talk to me anymore? I was afraid it sounded a little morbid too, but I replied with my resolve anyways.

 

"Well to a certain extent tomorrow is never promised to anyone. However, if both of us are around whenever I bounce back and am able to be just a friend. I will contact you again. I promise. Thanks for everything. I love you too. Bye"

 

Reflection:

 

It was bittersweet. I miss him, I'm still thinking about him, I love him, but I have to love me too. I have to get back to being a whole individual so that I have my all to give to another if that time ever comes again. I have to accept it, and I have to let go in order to gain anything. 1 day at a time right? My journey begins here! NC... less than a day!

 

Here's an awesome quote that I loved.

 

 

 

Wow....your story is so very similar to mine. And I am very impressed that you have stayed NC for two weeks. I stayed NC for two weeks after the breakup but managed to convince myself to text him my true feelings.

 

Although, my heart tells me to keep trying, I am emotionally exhausted and initiated NC again. The worst part about all this is feeling like your okay one minute, but then question everything the next. Some days I sit there and think maybe we aren't right for eachother, but then I wake up the next day and think to myself "what can I do to get him back?" I absolutely hate that I am such a worrier and can't stop thinking about everything. Ughhhh....

 

I will keep reading your feeds, because I need to take some advice from you!! And stay NO CONTACT. I mean why should we, the dumpee, continue to try and chase the dumper. We should be special enough to be chased!!!

 

If you have a second can you read my thread?

Edited June 20, 2011 by RN2011

[TearyEyedPride]

Teary! 2 weeks is great:) I know our b/u happened around the same time (I'm basically at 3 weeks now) but I agree with you: Your posts now are in a different place than 2 weeks ago, and you're doing great. I've been reading your replies to other threads and they've helped me tremendously. And in helping other people on here, I've been helping myself too. Ah LS is great.

 

Do you get PM?

 

Hmmm I think so, honestly I'm not sure but I can check. But yeah we're definitely like breakup buddie lol. It's amazing how time and good advice can change your perceptions though.

[TearyEyedPride]

Wow....your story is so very similar to mine. And I am very impressed that you have stayed NC for two weeks. I stayed NC for two weeks after the breakup but managed to convince myself to text him my true feelings.

 

Although, my heart tells me to keep trying, I am emotionally exhausted and initiated NC again. The worst part about all this is feeling like your okay one minute, but then question everything the next. Some days I sit there and think maybe we aren't right for eachother, but then I wake up the next day and think to myself "what can I do to get him back?" I absolutely hate that I am such a worrier and can't stop thinking about everything. Ughhhh....

 

I will keep reading your feeds, because I need to take some advice from you!! And stay NO CONTACT. I mean why should we, the dumpee, continue to try and chase the dumper. We should be special enough to be chased!!!

 

If you have a second can you read my thread?

 

Thanks so much. That's the good thing about LS, it seems like everywhere here has been in your situation, yet we all have such profound and different experiences and advice to share. It really does help.

 

I'll definitely read your thread.

[california15]

ahh no PM i think - it just came back to me

[TearyEyedPride]

june 24th: 1 full month of being single

june 26th: 1 full month of NC

june 27th: My ex comes to the conclusion that he'd like to reconcile.

june 28th: would've been the 3yr anniversary

(june 29th - current state): conflicted emotions...

 

 

I wish I knew what to say or tell to you guys how I feel. NC helped me see alot of things... crack the pedestal, cope with my feelings of grief without judgement, and realize that my relationship wasn't what I thought it was. I had gotten to a point where I was focusing on me, I took a break from posting on LS for awhile to get back in the swing of reclaiming or creating a new perspective on life. I did read a few posts here and there, but I mainly spent time hanging out with friends I had lost contact with while making new ones, exercising and doing whatever the hell I wanted too simply because I could. My confidence and independence was growing by leaps and bounds.

 

I was just starting to feel my anger diminish a bit although I was still quite angry. I was slowly kicking heartbreak's ass! And being single was starting to feel like a welcomed and relieving break from the hardwork I had put into my failed relationship. Although the hollow ache in my chest would feel a twinge from time to time... the sharp stabbing crippling pain was gone. I wrestled myself constantly no to be the one to break NC, and i would be proud of myself everytime I successfully won the battle. I made a whole month... and then he reached out to me.

 

It wasn't breadcrumbs... He wasn't reeling me in with the "how are you?" or vague messages to check and see if i was ok. His first text stated that he blew it, made a mistake, and was sorry. I told him it was ok, and dismissed it saying I hoped everything was going fine. He went on to apologize for bothering me if had moved on, but he told me he was suffering, that he wasn't over me, that he missed me and that he wanted me to give us another shot. Smh... For some that's all they'd need is that one chance and they'd go running back... but it's not the same anymore.

 

I'm very conflicted... I'm an avid communicator so of course I told him that. Sadly, I don't trust that he knows what he wants, or whether he's sure how he feels. I feel very insecure. He said he understands that and that he's willing to work and rebuild the trust he broke... and understands how it's going to be extremely hard with me. I don't understand how he could want to fight so hard for me now... i'm just at a loss for words... a loss for any serious action... I let him know I needed time to think about it, and he's been very supportive taking small steps just being cordial and courteous without being pushy. I feel very torn because a part of me still loves him deeply and doesn't mind trying again, but the other part that was healing doesn't understand why I won't let go and why I'd try to trust in something that's failed already.

 

So that's my update... once again... I'm in a situation I'm trying to wrap my head and feelings around. The struggle continues...

[wilsonx]

this is a tough spot for you teary =( this is your life and your choice but after a month of no contact you are starting to see the relationship for what it really was. you have to ask yourself, is it worth you being this hurt again. can you really i mean really trust this guy.

 

i thought i could trust my ex not to break my heart. she did over a year ago. gave her a second chance, this time the pain was 15xs worse then the first time. one month of no contact is not good enough for him to honestly change and realize what he truly did

[TearyEyedPride]

this is a tough spot for you teary =( this is your life and your choice but after a month of no contact you are starting to see the relationship for what it really was. you have to ask yourself, is it worth you being this hurt again. can you really i mean really trust this guy.

 

i thought i could trust my ex not to break my heart. she did over a year ago. gave her a second chance, this time the pain was 15xs worse then the first time. one month of no contact is not good enough for him to honestly change and realize what he truly did

 

 

Thanks Wilson,

 

The trust struggle I'm not sure I can win either, and he's willing to work to earn it back... I'm very torn on that one.

 

And yeah I'm scared of that too, just like with your ex... I don't wanna waste our times trying to piece together something only to end up more hurt down the line, and then feel this huge loss of time spent.

[Mack05]

Tearyeyedpride. Firstly, let me say I think people like you are why I love this site. People that react to adversity with dignity and class. I've have learnt a lot from various posters on this site and your definitely one of them.

 

I think you need to thread with serious caution here. What tends to happen sometimes after a sudden breakup is that the dumper starts to miss the dumpee and gets into a confused phase where one day he/she believes they can't live without you and the next day he/she feels they made the right choice in letting you go. The longer NC goes the more he/she starts to believe they made the wrong choice in letting go of the dumpee, because in their pain they remember the good times. Remember Dumpers have hearts too!

 

What tends to happen is that the couple get back together, have an amazing honeymoon period when feelings are heightened and your both saying to yourselves NEVER again, we ain't ever breaking up again. Only for the honeymoon period to end and the relationship to be hit by the same problems or unforseen problems.

 

I am sure your ex misses you and in his mind he wants you back, but it's not that long since he broke your heart. My point is he is still confused as you must be. I would stay NC for another while and try think things through. The success rate of couples getting back together is not high in general (no matter what excuses we make for our ex's). Sometimes couples get back together because they didn't like facing the world alone. That is a recipe for disaster, but you are still young so I don't think this is relevant to you. Trust is obviously going to take awhile to re-establish but I think the biggest problem here is that your relationship would still be LDR?

 

Will there be a change here if you get back together? I think this is key to the relationships future success. Going back to where you were before will probably lead to more heartbreak. Firstly, you will need to re-establish trust and that will take time. Then one of you will have to commit to moving, if realistically this going to work. There is a lot to think about. That is why if I were you, I would remain NC until I was 100% sure what I wanted to do. If you follow your heart then you will get back together and that is not always the best move. That is why NC is so helpful. It gives us time and space to look at the relantionship from a far thus giving us the best chance to make the correct decision. The toughest decisions are the battle between the heart and the mind.

 

It's a huge decision. We normally have 2-3 of these in our lives. The decisions we make here determine what path we end up on. It's really important now to weigh up everything. The Pro's, The Con's and everything inbetween. You are still very young. Maybe you might want to live your life a bit and enjoy your youth. Maybe this is the man you want to spend the rest of you life with. It's a lot to think about and it's best to have space when thinking all this through. Either way I hope it works out for you..

Edited July 5, 2011 by Mack05

[Exit]

Wow.... what a story here.

 

Teary, I wish I could find an "Avid communicator" like you, all of my problems are caused by someone who has no idea how to speak their mind!

 

But wow... like I said, what a story. You were obviously hurt, you mustered up the courage to go NC, made it a month, and bam, contact. I'm still at the point in my breakup where this frankly sounds like a dream come true.

 

Your questions stuck out to me. "Why now. Why does he want to fight so hard for me now". I've found myself picturing the same scenario, my ex can only give me "no" or "i dont know" when we talk about maybe trying again during this limited contact period we're having, so I think okay, go NC soon, and then if she said yes eventually... would it be too late? Would I tell her "all those days I wanted you, I asked you to work with me to fix this, you said no, so why now?". BUT, isn't that exactly the point? Love can not be forced. Would it even actually feel good for someone to come back if you had to talk them into it? Wouldn't we feel better knowing it came from them, on their own? So I mean, in some small way, this seems like a total victory for going NC and reestablishing your own life. The ex realized what they're missing on their own, and initiated contact on their own, and didn't even start with breadcrumbs, he laid it all out.

 

But, the flip side of this coin which others have addressed above is yes, what are his real motivations? Has he truly realized that you are the love of his life? Or has he just had no luck finding someone else, had a boring month without you, miss the companionship, or whatever other less than stellar reasons?

 

Going to be very hard to figure out the truth of the matter, IF you even still want to. It sounds like you were really starting to get over him, and you certainly didn't go running back at the first sign of contact, so are you past the point of no return? Is it going to take more effort to turn around and come back than it would to just finish your journey forward?

 

I agree with Mack, maybe the best thing right now is still just a bit more space apart. Frankly it's quite an easy way to tell if he is serious or not. If he changes his mind three days later or you never hear from him again, obviously it was just an impulsive reach-out to you.

 

I'm sure this situation doesn't feel like paradise to you, but do me a favor today, and find time to put a big smile on your face, because some of us would give an arm or a leg just to get the satisfaction of the situation you've found yourself in lol.

[california15]

teary! I've missed you! But I understand why you took a LS break and took it as you were probably doing wonderful and making strides in your recovery process.

 

I'm glad you didn't go running back at the first reach out from the ex. That shows much much you've learned about yourself this past month. You said it yourself, its not the same anymore. you're a wonderfully strong individual who respects and loves herself first. Thats huge.

 

I think its smart that you're being cautious about this, and taking time to think about it. Mack's right, he may be confused as to what he wants and thinks this is what he wants - and you seem a little torn too (as you should be) So I think taking more time to think about this and the relationship would behoove you before any decisions are made.

 

you'll see how much he wants to be with you again by how hard he is willing to win your trust back and wait for you to become comfortable again. Action talks. bulls**t walks. You're not that easy to win back. However,That being said, you can't drag him on forever trying to earn your trust back and you'd have to let the past be the past if the relationship reconciles.

 

Just don't forget how far you've come and the progress you made through NC.

 

I support you and I want to see you happy.

[california15]

this is what you said in your origional thread:

 

He said he's not happy because he no longer has the enthusiasm for the relationship because of the distance and our busy schedules

 

if this is true, you guys would need to either find new ways to cope with the distance /schedules or figure something else out. If the reasons why the individual wasn't happy or the reasons why the relationship wasn't working are not addressed, they will resurface once the relationship reconciles.

[TearyEyedPride]

I think you need to thread with serious caution here. What tends to happen sometimes after a sudden breakup is that the dumper starts to miss the dumpee and gets into a confused phase where one day he/she believes they can't live without you and the next day he/she feels they made the right choice in letting you go. The longer NC goes the more he/she starts to believe they made the wrong choice in letting go of the dumpee, because in their pain they remember the good times. Remember Dumpers have hearts too!

 

What tends to happen is that the couple get back together, have an amazing honeymoon period when feelings are heightened and your both saying to yourselves NEVER again, we ain't ever breaking up again. Only for the honeymoon period to end and the relationship to be hit by the same problems or unforseen problems.

 

I am sure your ex misses you and in his mind he wants you back, but it's not that long since he broke your heart. My point is he is still confused as you must be. I would stay NC for another while and try think things through. The success rate of couples getting back together is not high in general (no matter what excuses we make for our ex's). Sometimes couples get back together because they didn't like facing the world alone. That is a recipe for disaster, but you are still young so I don't think this is relevant to you. Trust is obviously going to take awhile to re-establish but I think the biggest problem here is that your relationship would still be LDR?

 

Will there be a change here if you get back together? I think this is key to the relationships future success. Going back to where you were before will probably lead to more heartbreak. Firstly, you will need to re-establish trust and that will take time. Then one of you will have to commit to moving, if realistically this going to work. There is a lot to think about. That is why if I were you, I would remain NC until I was 100% sure what I wanted to do. If you follow your heart then you will get back together and that is not always the best move. That is why NC is so helpful. It gives us time and space to look at the relantionship from a far thus giving us the best chance to make the correct decision. The toughest decisions are the battle between the heart and the mind.

 

 

Thanks so much Mack.

 

Your post is so truthful. It's what i've been racking my brain trying to figure out recently lol. You made so many good points to keep in mind. Trust me... I'm really really taking it slowly here and trying not to rush a decision at all. I've learned a lot through NC and I don't wanna jeopardize the valueable things I've gained from this journey just to give a relationship that obviously failed once... another chance. My ex realizes my hesistation... and he's willing to work through it. I just have to find out if I am I guess.

[TearyEyedPride]

Wow.... what a story here.

 

Teary, I wish I could find an "Avid communicator" like you, all of my problems are caused by someone who has no idea how to speak their mind!

 

But wow... like I said, what a story. You were obviously hurt, you mustered up the courage to go NC, made it a month, and bam, contact. I'm still at the point in my breakup where this frankly sounds like a dream come true.

 

Your questions stuck out to me. "Why now. Why does he want to fight so hard for me now". I've found myself picturing the same scenario, my ex can only give me "no" or "i dont know" when we talk about maybe trying again during this limited contact period we're having, so I think okay, go NC soon, and then if she said yes eventually... would it be too late? Would I tell her "all those days I wanted you, I asked you to work with me to fix this, you said no, so why now?". BUT, isn't that exactly the point? Love can not be forced. Would it even actually feel good for someone to come back if you had to talk them into it? Wouldn't we feel better knowing it came from them, on their own? So I mean, in some small way, this seems like a total victory for going NC and reestablishing your own life. The ex realized what they're missing on their own, and initiated contact on their own, and didn't even start with breadcrumbs, he laid it all out.

 

But, the flip side of this coin which others have addressed above is yes, what are his real motivations? Has he truly realized that you are the love of his life? Or has he just had no luck finding someone else, had a boring month without you, miss the companionship, or whatever other less than stellar reasons?

 

Going to be very hard to figure out the truth of the matter, IF you even still want to. It sounds like you were really starting to get over him, and you certainly didn't go running back at the first sign of contact, so are you past the point of no return? Is it going to take more effort to turn around and come back than it would to just finish your journey forward?

 

I agree with Mack, maybe the best thing right now is still just a bit more space apart. Frankly it's quite an easy way to tell if he is serious or not. If he changes his mind three days later or you never hear from him again, obviously it was just an impulsive reach-out to you.

 

I'm sure this situation doesn't feel like paradise to you, but do me a favor today, and find time to put a big smile on your face, because some of us would give an arm or a leg just to get the satisfaction of the situation you've found yourself in lol.

 

 

Hey Exit!!

 

Thanks for your insight. I love to read your posts as well because you offer alot of good advice, and I'm still trying to see what happens with your ex as well. And lol, I guess I could smile, but honestly... the mind/heart battle is really just as tough and tiring as fighting with yourself to keep NC without all of the self-boosting rewards. It really is a struggle. I'm trying to approach this decision slowly and with my eyes wide open.