lilpocky Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I started dating a guy I met about a year after his having a divorce. We've been dating for a few months now. Things seem to really match up well between us. Amazingly, well, actually. I'm wondering what I should do I do, since it's not so much that I fear it won't work, but that he seems to get the feeling that he's not good enough for me. I also believe he thinks that I will end up just breaking his heart again, like his ex. I have never done anything to him that should have allowed him to feel that way, but I believe he still has trust issues in terms of being hurt and I'm not sure how to handle it. I know his ex was nasty to him, and used to be very controlling and nasty. He still has a guard up. How can I deal with this and still keep my sanity? I really love him and honestly think it could work. I try very hard. Thanks!
EasyHeart Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 You can't fix him, so there's really nothing you can do. I've never been divorced, but his reaction sounds pretty typical and normal. Some guys work through it, some guys hang onto it forever, and there is no way for you to know in advance which kind of guy he's going to be. If he's using you as a rebound to get over his ex, then conventional wisdom says he will move on from you after he feels better about himself. You have to decide if you are willing to put up with his damage and stick around, but I think most people would tell you to leave him alone until he heals himself.
thatone Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I really love him and honestly think it could work. I try very hard. Thanks! so tell him that. and see what he does.
Art_Critic Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 It's only been a few months.. give it time and those walls will come down with all the love you show him. A year is long enough for him to process the divorce.. so it isn't a recent divorce that you are feeling but a a past heartbreak/thrashing that he doesn't want to repeat.. Give it time and do as the other poster suggested.. tell him you love him and reaffirm to him your commitment to making it work
LittleTiger Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 If you love him then do just that - love him. Show him and tell him on a regular basis how wonderful you think he is and that you can't believe how lucky you are to have found him. That way he will eventually start to believe he deserves you. Be good to him, be kind to him, be honest with him and don't let him down. He needs to know that you are not like his ex and that he can trust you with his heart. Treat him with the respect he deserves and eventually his guard will come down. Good luck - I hope it works out for you.
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