RuinedLife Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 As I'm struggling so much with my break up, I'm wondering if I find some inner strength and regain my self esteem whether I should try to maintain a friendship with my ex in hopes that maybe one day we'll be able to re-establish a relationship or just go NC forever once we've exchanged all our stuff? Why would an ex want to maintain a friendship (especially long distance) via emails if they really never wanted a relationship again? Just to ease their guilt I suppose? Or keep you as a emergency back-up?
carhill Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 What will the basis for this friendship be? Intimacy/attraction apparently failed. Does admiration and respect continue? What are your common interests? Does he like sewing and you like working on cars (gross examples) and enjoy conversing and doing similar things? Most people are 'friends' with ex'es because they're still emotionally attached to them. As I often repeat on these forums, if my exW and I were friends, we'd still be married, and I enjoy and have had many female friends in life; the key is those friendships had a *basis*. Yes, some ex'es string people along for selfish reasons. Just another reason to erase them. Good luck
pd8mxq Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Its difficult to say as you know your ex the best. If you only recently brokeup, you are very emotion and it is almost impossible to stay at friends at the beginning. You just want her/ him back so much and you will become desparate at times. And this is not what your ex wants to see. If you truly want to be with your ex again, you need to move on and think of yourself for now. YOu cannot show the needy side which is a weakness to your ex. Once you work on yourself, you will be able to re-attract your ex but this will take a few months. It is better off in taking a few months off your ex and the best way is NC fully. This is because there's a possibility that your ex will soon date someone else. And if you are still in contact, the chance of you finding that out will be much higher than when u r NC. It is killing in finding out your ex is dating someone new. because you will feel your ex will never take interest in you again and all your effort of moving on will be gone and you will be brought back down to where you began. SO NC is the best solution for yourself. In terms of you two, only time will tell, if you two had so much attached, the chance of you two is higher than if you two were just merely a 'few months' relationship. NC is hard but I think it helps. When you contact, you most likely want to beg for another chance. BUt it should not be like this. If you are meant to be, there will come a time when you two establish that connection again.... For now, not much you can do apart from do good for yourself. Please do this. Ignore your ex, he/she will become more mysterious in why you r ignoring them. And this creates more of that chasing feeling in them to wonder why you can move on. By doing this, it does not mean your ex wont thik of you, they will.
Author RuinedLife Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Its difficult to say as you know your ex the best. If you only recently brokeup, you are very emotion and it is almost impossible to stay at friends at the beginning. You just want her/ him back so much and you will become desparate at times. And this is not what your ex wants to see. If you truly want to be with your ex again, you need to move on and think of yourself for now. YOu cannot show the needy side which is a weakness to your ex. Once you work on yourself, you will be able to re-attract your ex but this will take a few months. It is better off in taking a few months off your ex and the best way is NC fully. This is because there's a possibility that your ex will soon date someone else. And if you are still in contact, the chance of you finding that out will be much higher than when u r NC. It is killing in finding out your ex is dating someone new. because you will feel your ex will never take interest in you again and all your effort of moving on will be gone and you will be brought back down to where you began. SO NC is the best solution for yourself. In terms of you two, only time will tell, if you two had so much attached, the chance of you two is higher than if you two were just merely a 'few months' relationship. NC is hard but I think it helps. When you contact, you most likely want to beg for another chance. BUt it should not be like this. If you are meant to be, there will come a time when you two establish that connection again.... For now, not much you can do apart from do good for yourself. Please do this. Ignore your ex, he/she will become more mysterious in why you r ignoring them. And this creates more of that chasing feeling in them to wonder why you can move on. By doing this, it does not mean your ex wont thik of you, they will. I sent a crazy email over a week ago and now I'm trying to stay NC for as long as possible. I'm terrified to check my emails though. In case he's not replied or replied in a negative way.
pd8mxq Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 dont send a crazy email again. If he is mature, he will understand why you are being like this. But if you cannot hold it, write it here and express yr feeling instead of hassling your ex. You will just push yr ex away.
Ladyfuzz Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I always find its too hard to be friends with an ex, because there is feelings there that one or the other may start to develope again, my recent ex the one im all down and gloom about asked to be friends, i tried for i think maybe 1 day -if that, it didnt go very well. I dont think i should give him my friendship, he cant finish with me and still have me around, i think its unfair, and i couldnt be friends with someone i have feelings for. For me if i dont get back with an ex its no contact forever.
Nantucket1984 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 hi ruined, a few years ago I was in a LDR and I really did not enjoy it. as much as we liked eachother it didnt work out because we never got to see eachother. she ended up finding someone else. I thought I was never going to get over it but I did. It took a while but I did get over it. unless there is a plan for you two to be in the same city/state in the near future it is best to let it go for now. I feel your pain though because my gf left me a couple months ago because I hid my pill addiction from her. I could really use your advice/thoughts on my story since you are a female. Please let me know your thoughts when you read my story. here it is. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t281767/
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