bml929 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Hey guys, I just had sex last night with a girl at our 8th dates (in 7 weeks of dating) The next day, should I text her saying that I enjoy making love to her? Does that too needy? thanks
mr.dream merchant Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Alot of people here will say that you're obligated to reach out to her after she's had sex with you. Me personally? It was her choice as much it was yours. Do you feel like reaching out to her? Do you want to spend the whole day to yourself and not be bothered by anybody? I say do what you want to do bro. You are not obligated to this woman because you had sex with her. So you are free to do whatever it is you please. Enjoy.
vsmini Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Alot of people here will say that you're obligated to reach out to her after she's had sex with you. Me personally? It was her choice as much it was yours. Do you feel like reaching out to her? Do you want to spend the whole day to yourself and not be bothered by anybody? I say do what you want to do bro. You are not obligated to this woman because you had sex with her. So you are free to do whatever it is you please. Enjoy. As a woman - and it feels weird to be saying this - I agree with Merchant. OF course now comes the song and dance and never ending power struggle. Who knows what the girl is thinking if you don't call her. It might piss her off but that's not really your problem. Do what feels natural and what you want.
Lucky_One Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 No, it's not needy. Your mama probably taught you to write thank-you notes for gifts, anyway. You obviously like her and she likes you, or you wouldn't have gone out on 8 dates. If you read posts by some guys, you will begin to understand why a woman can be so nervous or worried about having sex with men they like. They worry that a man will lose respect for them, or will call them sluts, or that they didn't please the man in bed. A call goes a long way to making women more confident in their sexuality, which is nothing but a win-win for you as her boyfriend. I hope that your relationship continues to grow and flourish!
Jazzari Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Some interesting responses here. You are worried about neediness. Some people are concerned with obligation. Others are concerned with power struggles. Forget the games and over analysis. Do you like her? Do you want to put a smile on her face? If yes, then call her and tell her you enjoyed making love to her. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. (I liked Lucky One's response)
thatone Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 playing games and keeping up false appearances should be over with. so be done with them.
somedude81 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I've heard that guys should call a girl after they've had sex. But I really don't see the point. What are you supposed to say to her? "Thank you, come again"
Saxis Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 The next day, should I text her saying that I enjoy making love to her? I wouldn't text to say that specifically. If I liked her (and obviously I do if I had sex with her), I would contact her though, even if I didn't enjoy it that much. I'd probably try to schedule the next date! It can take a couple tries to learn to enjoy someone new. You're staying in contact, she'll get the idea that you enjoyed it...
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Whenever you have first sex with a new woman, you want to have witnesses who saw you two together and can testify as to her demeanor towards you and cognizance. Interesting perspective! Do you recommend that all guys install a one way mirror in their boudoirs, and/ or invest in video surveillance equipment before embarking upon any sexual adventures? To the OP: I don't know where the idea that you are going to "thank" her for having sex with you comes from. I don't particularly like the choice of words or the plan of texting those words. I do think it would be a great idea to call her today if you like her and would like to experience more sex with her. It does not have to be a "bother" or an "obligation." I also think it's very good etiquette for a man to make some type of contact after having sex with a woman, though if he's not interested in any further interactions with her this could be tricky and potentially give her the wrong idea. Still, I believe that if people are close enough to have sex, they are certainly close enough to observe common basic good social behavior with one another.
Lucky_One Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 You gave her a "gift" every bit as much as she gave you one, no "thank you" needed. I actually need to rethink my post. No, she didn't give you a gift, but you DID gift one another with something that is (in my eyes anyway) special. With that being said, mutual thank-you's aren't a bad idea. And with THAT being said, I still believe that it is a good idea for you, as a man, to make the first move and contact her after sex. There is so much plain-old-BS-crap-fear-ugliness-namecalling-blaming-gaming going on in the dating world today that it astounds me that anyone makes a transition from first date into a respectful, healthy, growing long-term R. Just look at the "slut" threads going on on this forum alone. You can get ******* men who think nothing of a NSA, ONS, tap-it-and-run encounter with a woman, and then they turn around and call her a whore or a slut; they get what they want (sex with no commitment even if they know the woman wants one), and they turn around and denigrate the woman for the sex. (And yes - there are plenty of women in the world who say they LIKE the NSA/FWB situation, but in my heart I believe that many of them think that it will turn into something 'real', and they end up being disillusioned, distrustful, and hurt, all through their own actions and their own inability to stand up for what they truly want instead of bowing to some ridiculous societal behaviors that are prevalent today.) Whew. Rant over. OP, there is nothing wrong, in my eyes, in letting yourself be a bit vulnerable. Yes, you might get hurt, but you also may find yourself affirmed and loved for your openness. Go on - call and set up that next date, so that you both get past that scary feeling of shyness and vulnerability and fear that you disappointed the other one in some way.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 If you like her and want to have sex with her again, don't text -- call her. Tell her it was great. And make plans for your next date.
Knittress Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Absolutely not, because then once falsely accused, that you have that stuff makes you into a perv or freak. Men are already guilty until proven innocent enough without making false claims easier to stick. I know you were joking and also that you could care less if men are victimized, it's plain that men's concerns and rights are of no importance in your myopic worldview whatsoever. Seriously??? Call me flabbergasted. I've got to wonder what sort of person you are and the character of the people you associate with that would even create such a mindset...
thatone Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Seriously??? Call me flabbergasted. I've got to wonder what sort of person you are and the character of the people you associate with that would even create such a mindset... the kind that doesn't get burned by manipulative people?
oaks Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 If yes, then call her and tell her you enjoyed making love to her. If it was any good then it was with, not to.
EasyHeart Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I wouldn't send a "thank you" text/note/call/bouquet or anything like that. Seems kind of cheesy. Personally, I always make a point of setting up our next date before she leaves. That makes it clear through my actions, not my words, that I like her.
Star Gazer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Absolutely not, because then once falsely accused, that you have that stuff makes you into a perv or freak. Men are already guilty until proven innocent enough without making false claims easier to stick. I know you were joking and also that you could care less if men are victimized, it's plain that men's concerns and rights are of no importance in your myopic worldview whatsoever. But there are some other things that men can do to safeguard themselves against lying women, most are also good common sense anyway: 1. Carry a cheap "penlike" digital recorder. This is smart anyway, especially if ever pulled over by cops. Get in the habit of clicking it on whenever you are having any kind of social interaction where a lie by the other party could hurt you later. Sex with new woman or ONS? have it in your sports coat pocket and click it on before taking the jacket off and putting it in the bedroom. Phones today have this feature, but aren't nearly as good, and recorders that cost hundreds of dollars in the past are dirt cheap today. A big college lacrosse team false rape claim scandal was completely defused relatively recently when one of the guys had a camera phone recording of the supposed "rape." Several innocent men would likely be in jail and lives completely ruined without that recording. Caveat: recording others without their knowlege is a matter of the law in your jurisdiction, the above may not be good advice in certain jurisdictions. Be aware of the laws in your area. 2. Even as an adult, when going out with a woman and first sex is likely, tell friends or family where you are going and with whom. Telling people whenever you are going out other than to the corner pub is a good idea generally anyway, especially if out of town. This is an ideal use of texts, "Sally has invited me to stay over at her place, it's at XXX Blvd." 3. Carry a small pad, even stickies, and make notes of any significant thing that happens to you while out, "guy tried to start something up because he was drunk and wanted my seat, Chuck the bartender was witness." "10 PM Woman named Sarah bought me drink at XXX and asked if I wanted to do some blow, I declined." Add date and time. This is only a journal of out of the ordinary things that happen, not some weird obsessive timekeeping thing. These are smart for women too, but especially for men when dealing with unknown women. Please tell me you're kidding about all of this...
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Please tell me you're kidding about all of this... I KNOW!!! Being with a person who comes from such a place must be an absolute buzz kill for any woman ... and how could a guy even get a boner with all that paranoia going on? Really, sex just doesn't sound worth it if it carries so much horrible weight. It's bad enough to be concerned about possible STD's, pregnancy, or getting hurt.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Carrying a small recorder and a notepad, texting people where you are going, yeah that's tin hat paranoia all right... Be honest: would you not find it ... odd ... if you were on a date and the woman kept pulling out her notepad to chronicle potential witnesses, times and places because she thought it likely that you would be falsely accusing her of something? And then she switched on her recorder for the making out and sex parts? Or is the recording supposed to be made surreptitiously? Is that legal?
Star Gazer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Not in the least, was falsely accused (not of rape or any sexual thing or serious crime) back in the Fall... Then why go to such extremes???
OliveOyl Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 But there are some other things that men can do to safeguard themselves against lying women, most are also good common sense anyway: 1. Carry a cheap "penlike" digital recorder. This is smart anyway, especially if ever pulled over by cops. Get in the habit of clicking it on whenever you are having any kind of social interaction where a lie by the other party could hurt you later. Sex with new woman or ONS? have it in your sports coat pocket and click it on before taking the jacket off and putting it in the bedroom. Phones today have this feature, but aren't nearly as good, and recorders that cost hundreds of dollars in the past are dirt cheap today. A big college lacrosse team false rape claim scandal was completely defused relatively recently when one of the guys had a camera phone recording of the supposed "rape." Several innocent men would likely be in jail and lives completely ruined without that recording. Caveat: recording others without their knowlege is a matter of the law in your jurisdiction, the above may not be good advice in certain jurisdictions. Be aware of the laws in your area. 2. Even as an adult, when going out with a woman and first sex is likely, tell friends or family where you are going and with whom. Telling people whenever you are going out other than to the corner pub is a good idea generally anyway, especially if out of town. This is an ideal use of texts, "Sally has invited me to stay over at her place, it's at XXX Blvd." 3. Carry a small pad, even stickies, and make notes of any significant thing that happens to you while out, "guy tried to start something up because he was drunk and wanted my seat, Chuck the bartender was witness." "10 PM Woman named Sarah bought me drink at XXX and asked if I wanted to do some blow, I declined." Add date and time. This is only a journal of out of the ordinary things that happen, not some weird obsessive timekeeping thing. These are smart for women too, but especially for men when dealing with unknown women. This is one of the strangest suggestions I've seen. I'm sorry you've dealt with such a situation that would cause you to be so guarded. And I mean that seriously.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Really? Honestly? When's the last time you even went on a date or even out on the town at night? Last night, in fact. Why do you ask? Hell you could actually use the note function on your phone (using a small sticky pad is faster and even less noticeable, or just write on a bar napkin, matchbook, or business cards, never ever seen anyone doing that kind of thing out ).The recorder is the size of a pen, some even look like pens, and takes a single second to turn on. In my state recording someone without their knowledge is perfectly legal and admissible in court. They also have these private places in bars, clubs and restaurants where you can go to take a quick note called bathrooms... ?? I did not ask you HOW one would carry out your suggestions. I asked you how YOU would react to a woman on a date with you who you were aware was doing this stuff. http://falserapesociety.blogspot.com/2011/05/girl-has-five-men-arrested-on-false.html#more Not that you will actually read the link, but it describes yet another instance of how a recording and some CCTV cameras saved several innocent men... last week. This stuff happens -constantly-. Lots of bad things happen constantly. People are sexually harassed at work. Should they be recording every interaction on the job in case this happens one day? If an environment is inherently dangerous, I think it would be wise to stay out of it. Dating is fairly benign, in the big picture. Totally understand why the average thoroughly inconsistent woman today would bristle at being recorded. Sanskrit ... it's not a question of "bristling." What you propose is just plain sad, and also creepy. Good luck, to you and any of your dates. I'm pretty sure that if you actually do go on dates, make sticky notes and record your sexual activities, you will never actually be called upon to use your "proof" that you didn't rape a woman. Also, that your mindset going in will probably be so negative that you won't be going on more than one date with a woman on the receiving end of something so weird. As for myself and almost all the men I know, I got nothing to hide and I don't change skins like a chameleon, record away! People who don't want their intimate moments preserved on a recording are not likely to be "chameleons" with something to hide. They are probably ... normal.
lino Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I would never thank a girl for sex. I wouldn't even mention it. All that sort of stuff makes you come across as a nice guy... I've learnt that the hard way! Next time you're with her and doing some heavy petting and/or about to f*ck again, mention how you enjoyed the last time. Don't thank her for it though! I think all that recording stuff seems a bit over the top but then again the USA seems like a pretty crazy place regarding these types of scenarios. Every now and then a case of falsely accused rape in America airs on our news. Luckily you never hear of it happening here. Either that or it doesn't get reported. But then again you'd have to be the most desperate, of desperate fools to want to rape a woman in such an easy country as this!
Knittress Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 A good piece of dating advice would be: If you think she's the type of person with whom you'd need an airtight alibi or a recording device, DON'T DATE HER. This means either a) you are crazy b) you suspect she has poor character - neither of which are pleasant dating scenarios. Honestly...
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