dontcontacther Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I am in desperate need of help. I want to know why you think she wants to be friends with me? I am so hurt and having a hard time getting over this whole break up in which she broke up with me last weekend. I have been trying to practice no contact after this text convo however I am confused as to why she is so adamant about being my friend. Please any advice/opinions is greatly appreciated. Me: Enjoy ur weekend. We r cool always baby. And I will let u move on fully with ur life baby. We both need the space and to separate each others life completeIy.I will call u in a few months or so to say hello catch up and maybe do lunch or something. I hope in the meantime u find ms. Right baby. I will miss u and remember I love u always. Xoxo. Her: I havent been trying to ignore u just really busy but The feeling is mutual! If u dont want to see me for awhile I get it. I will miss u. Me (and no Baby I don't feel that u r trying to ignore me) ( knew u were busy) Xoxo Her: Ok good. Me: Again, I will miss u also. Me (Next morning): I was thinking about what u said to me Teresa. About the feeling being mutual etc to give each other space and refrain from contacting each other. I hope I didn't upset you baby, I am only trying to respect what you have expressed you want and do so the safest way. I love you enough to want you happy and I know this will make you happy. I still will miss you always I just want to give u the space you need, we both need. Please don't be mad, I promise I will contact you again to check on you and chat in the future and like I said maybe do lunch or something quick, NO LATER THAN than 1 year from now. I will always be civil with you should we run into each other during the interim as I will always love you, respect you and have only the best things to say and think about u. Take care of yourself gorgeous and please don't be mad at me. Talk to you in the future baby Me: If you really need me you can reach me as there will never be an absolute strict closed line of communication baby. When I call you in a year or so we I promise we will catch up, laugh and I will fill you in all my good business news. Til' then, take care lady and don't be working too hard and don't be flirting with them old men lol ;-) Me: Teresa me and Laka r chatting. She texted me. I want to kno something do u really like hanging out with me and wish to or were u just saying so because u felt bad or guilty? I don't wanna decide to not hang out with u because I think you really don't to when u actually do. Can u text back which one it is. Be honest. Me: This question is going to help me meet ur needs better. Me: If it's pure guilt. I will be okay. If it's purely because u like being around me then I will let u. Me: Which one is it so we can move on with life as either friends or not. Me: She got me thinking bout this lol. Me: If u dont feel like letting me know and never respond its okay. I will just assume it's guilt and will move on and let u have ur space baby. No hard feelings. We both do need space. Me: I do want to kno tho if u can find the time in ur day to let me kno which one it is so I can kno that if we do have a friendship it is based on a real one. And not guilt. It's okay I agree that should be have this space I just want u to know that I am okay and totally agree with u and u don't have to feel bad about anything sweetie. Me: I agree with everything you have said, no guilty feelings at all, just want u to know that sweetie. I just want u to know that I am ok. So if u wanna be friend it don't have to be because u feel bad for me I am strong and I can move on and enjoy my life easy. Everything is going to be okay sweetie far as I'm concerned Laka told me u felt bad. Don't ma. Me: That's where I am coming from. We don't even have to talk about a relationship anymore ever sweetie. And if u really don't want any contact I agree with that as well too. U let me know. In the mean time I will contact u in the future. And u kno where to find me should u need me. Me: And when u don't reply I don't think u are doing it on purpose. So please don't think that I just want to hear ur side of why u want to be friends going forward. I do think it would be a great thing to have in actuality. Hopefully u understand why I ask. Me: As long it's not based on u just feeling guilty or trying to help me out etc. I will if it's because you really want one with me I'll take advantage of it then cause it will be genuine sweetie. Me: So have we gone to a point where u r ignoring me now or r u busy? Cause I just want to kno sweetie. I don't want anything else from u in relationship sense so whats the problem? Me: Do u want me to leave u alone? About this. Or r u just busy. I have no problem doing so baby I really just wanted to kno cause I am trying to do the friend thing. Strictly friends. Her: I dont want to be friends out of guilt. I want to be friends because I think it would be nice if we could be. Its up to u sweetie. Me: And u wanna still be really good friends and hang out right? Yes Yes Me: Ok cause I just want to make sure u kno that if we ran into each other that I would be civil and cool. Before u decide. Her: I wouldnt expect u not to be cool. u know how I feel. the ball is in ur court sweetie. Me: Ok. Have a great weekend ma. Before all of this with respects to some questions that I had asked pertaining to her offer and request to be friends and the future: Me: Do u wish i would be distracted? Her: I havent thought about it. Me: Gosh baby. I miss the intimate and passionate moments we shared each weekend laughing together. I hope you enjoy your weekend. I sure will miss you all mines! Have a good morning baby and good day...XOXO. Her: Good morning sweetie! I miss u to! Have a good day. Me: I feel like I shouldn't contact u anymore so I wonder how? Her: We will play it by ear and I dont mind u contacting me. Me: What kind of friends do you want to be? How often do you want to see each other? Her: Really good friends. Me: And when u say u want to be really good friends does that include chillin at my apt too? Her: I really havent thought about all that . We will just go with the flow. Me: Do you ever see yourself hooking back up with me in the future ever again? Be honest. It won't hurt me. Ill be okay with ur answer love? Her: I don't know what the future holds. Me: Would you never not be intimate with me. Her: I would never say never. Can you forgive me if I touch you while we are hanging out. I may not be able to control myself? LOL? I can't lie I love you and will using the time to try to in you back. Her: We are both adults. I think we will be fine. Me: What does that mean? Her: I am just not worried. SORRY I WROTE A NOVEL...PLEASE ANY HELP IS GREATLY APPRECIATED.:(
Nohbody Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 If you are satisfied with being friends, cool. If not, I'd recommend going NC and try to move on. Maybe it'll work out in the long run, maybe not. It's impossible to tell, but it's up to the other person at this stage to decide whether or not they ultimately want to be with you, and there just isn't much you can do.
Author dontcontacther Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 Thank you Nohbody....preciate your fast reply....
M22 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I think that you need to look at your text thread again. It starts off: me, her, me, her....but then it seems to become pretty one sided: me, me, me, me, with a random "her" thrown in. I can't say for sure, but my experience is that break ups are hard no matter what. It doesn't matter if you are the dumper or dumpee. They suck for both people involved. I think that saying lets be "friends" is just a way to take a little of sting out of a break up as opposed to a genuine desire to be friends. Hope things work out.
Author dontcontacther Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 Yes M22. That is because she replied to my texts only that many times. It is in chronological order in the non bold print. I was slipping up and texting her back to back.
Art_Critic Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 And I will let u move on fully with ur life baby. We both need the space and to separate each others life completeIy. By continuing the contact you are not being good to your own words to her... Breakups suck... Take time for yourself and please.. don't contact her anymore and if she does contact you don't reply back till you are good and healed from this hurt.
Author dontcontacther Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 Thank you again for the advice M22.
Art_Critic Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 By the way.. she wants to remain friends so it doesn't hurt as much to her.. She can move on and not feel any guilt.. Just practice NC and go find another girl at this point..
Author dontcontacther Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 Thank you Art Critic. I am now in my No Contact stage. She seems to want to be friends tho. I do want to be taken advantage of or to ruin the chance of sparking her interest in me again. But I dont mind being friends if I didnt want her back. But I do. Do you still think I should go in to the NO contact stage or try to be friends and see what blossoms?
Author dontcontacther Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 OH shoot read that after. Yes, it does seem like even tho she says she doesnt want to be friends out of guilt when i asked her it seems she still does subconsciously. I think it is safe to just see if no contact will cause her to miss me or not. either way i am mature enough to and strong enough to move on. thanks so much. preciate you guys.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Her: I wouldnt expect u not to be cool. u know how I feel. the ball is in ur court sweetie. I AM SOOOOOO BEGINNING TO HATE THAT LINE!! Wtf does it mean anyways?! It's like if YOU dumped ME, you ultimately decided that YOU don't want there to be a YOU an ME anymore. So after taking all of these shots... you pass me the ball now and what?! WTF are we (the dumpees) supposed to do with it. Grrrr... (sorry venting) Going through some things here myself. ANYWAYS THOUGH! I would say she's playing it cool and trying to string you along. The part about being intimate and hanging on as friends really disturbed me. That's like playing with fire. I mean if it's what you WANT, I guess that's your choice. But if it's something you'll ACCEPT, but you WANT more... then I think you should re-evaluate your approach to her. It seems like there are too many mindgames in this convo. If it sounds like i'm being harsh I'm very sorry. I spent like the last 30 minutes crying and then being angry and I feel like we deserve so much better than the games. We deserve effective communication, honesty, trust and true undying, unyielding, unrelenting, love. It just seems like at this point although there's some belief in it... lots are not willing to participate in it. Sorry for the novel myself.
Author dontcontacther Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 You are absolutely right!!!!!!! I have been crying all week long. I am so confused over her. Its almost like I feel angry enough over the confusion alone to just let it go and if she comes back she comes back. I do love her and never play games but it sure seems she is playing games with me. YOu put it best! I appreciate your novel!!!! Thanks so much. What are you going through? And I think we do deserve much more. I can tell you right now she doesnt have a car, I do, she has no family or friends, I do. She told me after the break up that she will truly miss hanging with me and i must have thought she was lying when she said i am truly fun to be with. She also said that it was for her own selfish reasons. She is so adamant about being my friends to a point where she almost got upset when I said no. But I feel like why have the benefit of me without being with me. We were only together for two months and she told me she loved me everyday and damn near worshipped our relationship. I am so confused. I really believed her and opened to her. She even asked me to open my heart to her because she promised she wouldnt hurt it ever or leave ever unless i cheated etc. That in which i didnt do. She is highly attracted to me physically according to her so I am so confused. Chemistry is a mystery. So are women.
Author dontcontacther Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 I AM SOOOOOO BEGINNING TO HATE THAT LINE!! Wtf does it mean anyways?! It's like if YOU dumped ME, you ultimately decided that YOU don't want there to be a YOU an ME anymore. So after taking all of these shots... you pass me the ball now and what?! WTF are we (the dumpees) supposed to do with it. Grrrr... (sorry venting) Going through some things here myself. ANYWAYS THOUGH! I would say she's playing it cool and trying to string you along. The part about being intimate and hanging on as friends really disturbed me. That's like playing with fire. I mean if it's what you WANT, I guess that's your choice. But if it's something you'll ACCEPT, but you WANT more... then I think you should re-evaluate your approach to her. It seems like there are too many mindgames in this convo. If it sounds like i'm being harsh I'm very sorry. I spent like the last 30 minutes crying and then being angry and I feel like we deserve so much better than the games. We deserve effective communication, honesty, trust and true undying, unyielding, unrelenting, love. It just seems like at this point although there's some belief in it... lots are not willing to participate in it. Sorry for the novel myself. sorry forgot to quote my replies. last reply was for teary eyed pride. i am so sorry to hear u r going thru this too. it feels like a dagger.
Fedor Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Bro, you have to cut this crap out. Stop contacting her. You want more out of the relationship and she's basically stringing you along with the whole intimacy stuff. From these messages, it seems like she is at peace with the situation. The ball is in your court to be friends. My advice is to throw out of bounds and leave the game. Her responses dont even have any emotion to them. That should telll you something.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 My issue is a tad bit different. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t281127/ I think you're making the right decision by going NC though. I guess when we read other's posts it's like "DUH! No Brainer" but when we're in our own situation, it's hard to step outside of the emotions we have and focus on actually making good decisions for ourselves inside the relationship but even more so when we want to be back in the relationship. Idk. Heartbreak sucks soooo badly. They say after the storm comes the calm... Hopefully. We have to get back to the people we were before the relationship, taking the experiences we've learned from it. So essentially becoming a newer model of the person we were before. I can feel myself growing and learning already. Keep at it.
Author dontcontacther Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 It is so very hard to deal with. And its amazing how you actually feel it in the midsection of your chest, physical pain. I am going to read your story now....thanks again for your help and talk it helps....
RuinedLife Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I feel for you. Try and stay no contact if you can. I'm in a truly horrible situation now because I broke no contact as my ex wants to keep in contact with me as a friend and every time I hear from him it breaks my heart.
Author dontcontacther Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 Thank you Ruined Life. And I am so sorry that you are going thru this as well. I feel for you. It hurts so badly. I wish that we could have the pain removed from our hearts while time tells what will happen.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 And its amazing how you actually feel it in the midsection of your chest, physical pain. I know right!!! Right in the center it's an ache that lingers and hurts. It's not a psychosomatic feeling. It's real. Sooooo very real. But always feel free to talk to me.
Fedor Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Thank you Ruined Life. And I am so sorry that you are going thru this as well. I feel for you. It hurts so badly. I wish that we could have the pain removed from our hearts while time tells what will happen. I know that pain. I'm feeling it right now. It hurts:(
Layzie89 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Bro, you have to cut this crap out. Stop contacting her. You want more out of the relationship and she's basically stringing you along with the whole intimacy stuff. From these messages, it seems like she is at peace with the situation. The ball is in your court to be friends. My advice is to throw out of bounds and leave the game. Her responses dont even have any emotion to them. That should telll you something. Completely agree. I'm surprised it took 8 or so responses by others before somebody came and told you that you need to CUT THIS CRAP OUT. You text her saying you'll let her go, you'll let her do her thing and that you're okay with it but the way you're texting her tells her the complete opposite. I don't know you personally but judging by the texts I can tell you are somewhat insecure and extremely needy. If I can pick that up, you're ex girlfriend most definitely can too. Stop texting her saying 'baby'. She's not you're girlfriend anymore so stop treating her like one. All in all, just cut the texting out man, if you want her back you have to come off as attractive to her. Texting her 5-10 times to get 1 text in response from her is evidence she's not feeling it. Stop contacting her. Turn the tables. If anything, make it so you text once, she texts back 5-10 times. =P Good luck
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