mrtangent Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I been divorsed for 0.5 year now. In 2009, my ex wife told me that the children (twins aged 7) could not be mine.. i suspected when she had them that the timing was wrong but went with it because i loved my children and they are wonderful.. i found out 2 months later she had another affar in the summer of 09, we went through some fragemented emails and i was aggressive to her over email (we lived in a foregin country (its great hey).. we returned to our home now.. i did hack her email as i did not trust her and wondered how many others and what else she was planning.. now she is posting on facebook all the time about this stuff , how bad a hunsband i was.. there is little truth in it except the hacking aggressive email.. but that was in the context of her aggressive behaviour and being totally screwed up about the kids.. i feel like telling people now and getting the tests as it will become clear as to why.. but it would impact my parents, etc.. and the kids.. maybe i'm not their dad.. i doubt now i can have other kids (even if they are mine) and the timing looking back was wrong.. we had one drunkend time when a condom slipped off but she told me she had sex twice in car.. and has been shady about a condom.. at the time swore one was used..but i'm doubtfull.
Art_Critic Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 If the looks of the children favor you then you already know they are yours.. If they don't and you have doubts then you could ask the courts for a test.. If the test came back they were someone else's kids..would you still raise those kids as your own ? if you would then why go thru all this ? Tough decisions...
carhill Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 For all intents and purposes you are their father; their role model. Wouldn't it be nice, in light of the female role model they have been brought into this world by, if you could, without prejudice, provide them with some modicum of stability and health for the rest of their childhood? You stated you had your doubts (as to paternity) back when they were born. If so, that was the time for challenges and tests, not now. You made a choice. Now make another one. Your kids (regardless of whose sperm made them) are counting on you. Your exW will get what's coming to her in life.
Steen719 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 This is one of the hardest questions to answer. Is there a chance the other man might want to know that he has children? How do you feel about raising the children if they are not yours? I have no idea if this is the right way to look at it, so take my advice with a grain of salt...but, I think if these children are not yours, then some other man does not have the choice whether to be involved with his children. He may not be interested in them and in that case, you can remain their adoptive father. I can't see a way that not knowing the truth is the best thing to do, so I would go forward seeking the truth. A side story which may or may not help...my husband got a call from a woman about 5 years ago saying she might be his daughter from when he was 17 years old. The woman's mother was not sure if it was him or the boyfriend who enlisted in the service when he found out she was pregnant. My H never knew she was pregnant. It turned out that my H was not the father, but we were prepared to accept her into our lives. It certainly was not her fault and the circumstances were different than yours as she is an adult. If they are biologically another man's children, you do not know what he might feel about that and never will if he does not know. What an awful position she has put you in. You must follow your heart and head to do the right thing for you. I hope which ever way you go brings you peace.
fltc Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I been divorsed for 0.5 year now. In 2009, my ex wife told me that the children (twins aged 7) could not be mine.. You MUST get the tests for medical reasons, it's important that any doctor have the full medical history of a patient and that includes medical history of both parents.
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