Arrangrl Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Hello there everyone Thanks so much for all your support re my decision to give M an ultimatum last week. I have not been able to come onto the site, as I have been so upset. The thing about giving anyone an ultimatum is this, you have to stick with it no matter what the decision is. I have stuck to my decision to end it with M. Let me tell you how it went last week, maybe this will help someone else who is considering doing what I did. I gave M a date , (which was last Sunday) to let me know if he was going to leave his marriage, if he said he couldn't, he then knew it would be over between us. He came round to my house and said at this point in time, he couldn't leave his marriage. I sat and quietly listened to him. He was distraught, said that he did love me and that it was never between having to choose between me or his wife. He went on to expalin that, yes his relationship had gone downhill in the past few years, with both of them burying their heads in the sand and not dealing with their problems. His wife is a gamer, so I'm guessing that was her way of avoiding thir issues. Along came me, he told me that our subsequent involvement, assisted him in putting up with the problems at home and he would now have to address them, as there would be no distractions in his life, to help him avoid their problems.He said that I had gave him the catalyst to go and sort himself out. He asked me if I would do one thing for him. He would not contact me at all in any way, but if he decides that he is going to leave, could he contact me in the future? I said that yes he could do that BUT the only time I ever wanted to see a txt msg from him, was to let me know he had left and had legally seperated( a UK term) Then we would have a conversation. I am gutted about it all and very sad but determined to be strong and get on with my life without him. I believe that if he loves me as much as he said he did, I will get the txt from him at some point, but in the mean time, I am going on and living my life as a single woman and being thanful that I had a fantastic loving time with M, while it lasted. I wish him all the best in the world. Thanks to EVERYONE here Arran x
Spark1111 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 You should be very, very proud of yourself! An ultimatum and one, simple conversation removed all of the uncertainty and anxiety out of your life and your future. You can always hope for the best while expecting the worst: He may never send that text mg that he has left his marriage and only you can decide how long you will want to wait for it! I know that as you grieve the relationship and the joy it brought you, the temptation to re-initiate contact, for both you and him, will be very great. I hope you find the strength to RESIST it if you truly want to enact positive changes in your life. Only he and she can fix there marriage, and only if they both re-commit to each other: that meeans they give up their diversions. He has to give up you and she has to give up gaming, I would assume. But if he ever does return to you, you can proceed with the assurance that YOU did not interfere with his efforts. That means staying NC. Don't allow yourself to become his Plan B when his marriage, his wife, and their relationship become difficult to fix and he wants your shoulder to cry on. It is time for him to man up, to either fix his marriage or to walk away. I wish you peace and kudos for taking a tough stance for yourself!
greengoddess Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 You did the right thing. The pain of the breakup will fade and you will eventually feel so relieved and free. You can not have gone on indefinitely, you had to do this. Nice!
BB07 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Wow.......You so did the right thing for yourself and everyone else. I know it hurts and it's hard right now but you will come out on the other side a better, stronger, wiser woman and if someday he does send that text to you then you'll be an even better woman than he walked away from now. Hugs hon and stay strong.........and remember if he is a man worth having that he will do what it takes to get there and by being strong and not letting your principals slide you will be a woman that the right man (him or someone else) will love and respect and cherish.
YellowShark Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 You did good Arrangrl. You stood up and drew a line in the sand. And your ultimatum was ethical and moral. You should be proud of yourself and the fact that your former married man didn't come through when push came to shove only exposes him for what he really is. (A guy using you for sex outside his marriage.)
MissBee Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Hello there everyone Thanks so much for all your support re my decision to give M an ultimatum last week. I have not been able to come onto the site, as I have been so upset. The thing about giving anyone an ultimatum is this, you have to stick with it no matter what the decision is. I have stuck to my decision to end it with M. Let me tell you how it went last week, maybe this will help someone else who is considering doing what I did. I gave M a date , (which was last Sunday) to let me know if he was going to leave his marriage, if he said he couldn't, he then knew it would be over between us. He came round to my house and said at this point in time, he couldn't leave his marriage. I sat and quietly listened to him. He was distraught, said that he did love me and that it was never between having to choose between me or his wife. He went on to expalin that, yes his relationship had gone downhill in the past few years, with both of them burying their heads in the sand and not dealing with their problems. His wife is a gamer, so I'm guessing that was her way of avoiding thir issues. Along came me, he told me that our subsequent involvement, assisted him in putting up with the problems at home and he would now have to address them, as there would be no distractions in his life, to help him avoid their problems.He said that I had gave him the catalyst to go and sort himself out. He asked me if I would do one thing for him. He would not contact me at all in any way, but if he decides that he is going to leave, could he contact me in the future? I said that yes he could do that BUT the only time I ever wanted to see a txt msg from him, was to let me know he had left and had legally seperated( a UK term) Then we would have a conversation. I am gutted about it all and very sad but determined to be strong and get on with my life without him. I believe that if he loves me as much as he said he did, I will get the txt from him at some point, but in the mean time, I am going on and living my life as a single woman and being thanful that I had a fantastic loving time with M, while it lasted. I wish him all the best in the world. Thanks to EVERYONE here Arran x Aww congrats on setting healthy boundaries for your life! I applaud and respect your decision.
Mimolicious Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Kudos for standing up! I wish you well and I hope that you don't let the thought of MM eventually texting you, stop you from opening to opportunities of another R. Remember, when something leaves your life it makes room for the new things that may come. GOOD LUCK!
waytogo Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Kudos for standing up! I wish you well and I hope that you don't let the thought of MM eventually texting you, stop you from opening to opportunities of another R. Remember, when something leaves your life it makes room for the new things that may come. GOOD LUCK! That's what I was thinking. Hopefully, you will be open to new doors while the xMM door may or may not ever happen. It's possible you will be involved elsewhere if he comes back around; and it won't make a difference for him at that point. It's healthy that you wish him well even though you didn't get the answer you wanted. Good for you!
White Flower Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 He went on to expalin that, yes his relationship had gone downhill in the past few years, with both of them burying their heads in the sand and not dealing with their problems. His wife is a gamer, so I'm guessing that was her way of avoiding thir issues. Along came me, he told me that our subsequent involvement, assisted him in putting up with the problems at home and he would now have to address them, as there would be no distractions in his life, to help him avoid their problems. Arrangrl, it is often stated that MM use the OW to make their M happy so it would appear that, by your MM's admission, that this was the case even though he fell in love with you along the way. You have broken the fog for him, and now he'll have to deal with it. I wanted to be the first OW (I think) t0 congratulate you. We're not all the same, nor do we all believe in taking them back over and over just because. I had my reasons for taking him back while you have yours for not doing so. Be strong.
Breezy Trousers Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Thanks for being open to everyone here at LS, Arran. You sound like a very strong woman. Many cheers & best wishes to you.
fooled once Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 You did good Arrangrl. You stood up and drew a line in the sand. And your ultimatum was ethical and moral. You should be proud of yourself and the fact that your former married man didn't come through when push came to shove only exposes him for what he really is. (A guy using you for sex outside his marriage.) I agree with yellow. You will need to grieve this ending, but also celebrate your new journey in life! Put the past to rest and embrace the future. I truly hope you don't allow yourself to "wait" for him. You have done a very good thing for YOU!
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