He won't acknowledge that we got married in secret

[keepcalmandcarryon]

Hello. Hoping someone can shed some light on my problem...

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years this September. We've lived together overseas and have recently returned to Australia, currently living together and saving to buy a house. Whilst living overseas we got married to enable him to stay and get a visa. That was 4 years ago.

 

Anyway my dilemma is that he has never acknowledged the fact we are married. He didn't want to tell people so we decided to keep it "secret" which at the time I was OK with. I assumed that he would understand that it was a pretty big deal for me and propose at some stage.

 

My problem now is that he never speaks about marriage. I didn't think I was the type of girl that would ever been hung up on a guy proposing to me or not, but I feel really hurt that he doesn't at least acknowledge it.

 

I have told him how I feel and that I want to discuss this more openly but he has never bought it up. Unfortunately the only time we discuss it is when I get really upset and we argue instead.

 

I think he loves me. I love him too, but this issue clouds how I feel about him. I feel hurt and used. I figure he should know if he wants to be with me or not by now? Maybe I'm just hung up on everyone around me getting engaged/ married? Or maybe I'm selling myself short?

 

He'll be 31 this year, and I'm turning 30. Maybe I'm worried about turning the big 3-0?

 

Please help. This issue is destined to ruin me as a person if not our relationship first.

[ShatteredReality]

Maybe you can tell him that you want to talk to him about something - do it when you two are not arguing. Then tell him that you have been married for four years and you would like to go ahead and make that official with friends and family as well...that if he doesn't want a wedding that maybe you two can just tell everyone that you eloped. You've been together 9 years...it's not like it would be completely unexpected by others that you two would make things official. It's important that he acknowledges that you are his wife...