hurley21 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I've been single for a month now. I had been in that relationship for almost 5 years. Things didn't end bitterly or anything, in fact, we have remained good friends. I already feel the pang of being single. The loneliness and general sorrow that comes when you don't have someone. I have a friend of the family who is ideal for me in every way. I feel reluctant to pursue it because it seems too soon. However, I don't want to wait a few months and then find that someone scooped him up either. So, whats the best thing to do?
stepka Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Be friends with him and find other things to fill the holes in your life. I thought I was ready to date too soon too, but the time was all wrong and I made mistakes. Better to wait and find hobbies--mine is dancing. But really, no reason you can't be friends first--better that way anyway.
carhill Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 So, OP, have you experienced him (ex) with another lady on his arm? If so, how did that feel? Also, in any given day, how often is he in your thoughts? You can start dating tonight, right now. Whether or not you're healthy to be a dating partner remains to be seen. If you and your ex are 'friends' and he's dating and you're indifferent to him being with another woman, I'd say give it a whirl. For me, after being married about ten years, that took about a year of being alone. I was able to go out on a date, even to a place I used to take my exW, and not think of her or be reminded of her. I could focus entirely on the deserving lady in front of me. I think that's only fair. I missed out on an otherwise good potential lady because we weren't legally divorced yet. I wasn't going to ask her out on a date unless I was legally available and could answer than question honestly. Mistake? No. Unfortunate timing? Sure. That's life. If this man you have eyes for is interested and knows your status, he'll approach you. Make sure he becomes aware of your status and then leave it alone and continue along your path. Learning to be alone in life is an important life skill. Alone time is an important time for reflection, self-improvement and growth as a person. It also creates emotional space between relationships. If this is difficult for you, now is a great time to start working on that. Good luck
ConfusedGuy28 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 You should be single for sometime. 5 years is a long time and jumping into something too soon just isn't a good idea. For one thing, you'll probably transfer all of your old good feelings onto this guy - instead of having these feelings be created naturally. Also - he'll likely just end up being a rebound and it won't last much time anyways.
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