Shiny Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Hi all! First off, let me say that I'm a new member here, although I have been a lurker on LoveShack for quite some time. (I read threads in the Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy sub-forum during my first serious relationship, learned about 'No Contact' after our bad breakup, and came here to find out how to chase guys after I developed a new crush. ) Everyone here on LS seems pretty wise and reasonable, so I decided to register for an account because I need perspectives. I am currently dating the guy of my dreams. We were good friends before we started dating, and for a long time I thought he was out of my league, so I feel like the luckiest girl in the world now that we are together. We met in college. We are both 19. The thing is, I am Christian, and as most of you know, the Bible frowns upon sex outside of marriage. Since we haven't been dating that long, this hasn't been an issue yet, but I'm worried that down the road, he won't want to be in a relationship with a girl he can't sleep with. This wasn't a problem with the last two guys I dated, because they were both adamant that anything sexual should be left until after marriage (one wasn't even Christian!). I don't know what my current partner thinks about abstinence. (We haven't had that conversation - bad, I know!) Things have already escalated more than I had originally planned between him and I (but still nowhere near sex). I'm often very tempted to say "to Hell with abstinence!" because my boyfriend is very attractive. I have heard from friends that my current boyfriend is still a virgin, does this make any difference in his likelihood to be willing to wait? (After all, "virgins don't know what they're missing out on"!? ) Guys, would you date a girl who wanted to remain a virgin until marriage? I am considering doing what most of my Christian friends have been doing - that is, "everything except sex". (I'm guessing this means oral, etc.) Christians, do you consider this a cop-out? Guys, would you consider oral sex only an acceptable compromise? (I am laughing at how ridiculous my questions sound ). Is the whole abstinence-before-marriage idea silly and out-dated? To the Christians who have had sex before marriage, what are your current views on abstinence, and what made you decide to have sex? Abstinence is a topic that I have vacillated on for quite some time. On one hand, Christians are taught that sex outside of marriage displeases God. Abstinence also ensures that there are no unplanned pregnancies or STDs. I'm also afraid that if I do engage in sex outside marriage, I will fall in love with a guy who will reject me because of past sexual history. On the other hand, I know that sex outside of marriage is very common, and most people consider it risky to marry someone you have never had sex with. I'm also worried that my libido might decrease by the time I'm married (hopefully not!), so why not have fun now? What are you views and experiences regarding sex outside marriage? Am I being silly and naive? Any input is appreciated! Sorry for this rather odd rant.
Damien Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 First off, I'm not christian so I guess my views would be slightly different to what you're looking for? I would honestly love to date a girl like that, it shows a sign of maturity in my opinion (Others can argue about this of course). However, I can't be as 'honest' myself since I did not wait until marriage. My reasoning is that I was in a relationship with an ex for 3 years until last September and I decided not to wait until marriage, I did wait a year into the relationship though. At that time we were planning on a future together and I even got round to buying an engagement ring so I could propose. Sadly she dumped me a week later for another guy. As for oral an acceptable compromise..hmm, I'm not sure really. I don't think it counts as intercourse in terms of religion, right?
thehead Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I'm not going to speak to your Christian beliefs as I myself am a Jew. Let me just say, I respect them. I can tell you, I would not marry a girl without finding out if we're sexually compatible. Oral alone wouldn't be enough to determine this, no.
BobSacamento Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 If she demanded that I would tell her to go to therapy.
carhill Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Welcome to LS At your age, no problem. BTDT, finally gave up. At my age,
bikinibeach Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 what a cute thread post! you sound like a smart, healthy young lady. i think that the answer to your question will lie in the truth of what you believe for yourself. i was raised catholic my whole life. by the time i was no longer under my parents' roof, i then felt free to express MY religious beliefs and search that out for myself. i am 28 now and through my experience, education and spiritual research, i can still tell you that i haven't quite figured it out yet. while i believe in the bible, i no longer attend church or believe in the spectacle of "marriage" that has come to exist in today's society. if you are saving yourself for marriage because it says so in the bible, keep in mind that under the same "law" you are also not supposed to get divorced. and to be with anyone after you are divorced also makes you an adulterous sinner. if you aren't sure, then don't rush into anything. at your age, your hormones will lead you to believe anything! oh and about your libido, you're actually not supposed to hit your sexual peak as a woman until 30 ps: you can contract stds from oral sex as well as having naked contact with someone without actually "putting it in". just sayin'!!!
rafallus Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Christians, do you consider this a cop-out?Yes, it is totally a cop out to have oral/anal and saying you are a virgin because it wasn't in the vagina. OTOH, in my opinion, if any of you has at least average sex drive, waiting to marriage, completely sexless, is pretty infeasible. I know I wouldn't be able to. But you should be talking to him about the issue and not some internet strangers.
collegeguy_24 Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Well, By definition I am Catholic and my dad used to be Protestant, but I have taken a more athiest viewpoint over the years due to various circumstances I will not go into. Guys, would you date a girl who wanted to remain a virgin until marriage? No I wouldn't. I have a high sex drive so I need sex in a relationship. However, if a woman is willing to wait to have sex for a certain amount of time I can and will respect that. My first GF waited 4 months before we hd sex, and my third waited 2 months and she was a virgin. if a woman is willing to have sex, but wait to see if I am a special enough person to have sex with, then I will respect that and follow it. But I would not wait till marriage. Is the whole abstinence-before-marriage idea silly and out-dated? In my opinion yes it is. It is my personal beleif that you are letting old men from 2000 years ago dictate your sex today. I don't want to bash your religion, so please do not that this as such. But the bible was written by man, not God. God did not come down to earth and write it. Men wrote it. How can you be so sure that God would want you to wait? You can't. Now if you wanted to wait till marriage because your not ready for sex, thats your decision and any man should respect that. But it needs to be your decision, not a decision made by men who have been dead for 2000 years. On one hand, Christians are taught that sex outside of marriage displeases God. Abstinence also ensures that there are no unplanned pregnancies or STDs. I'm also afraid that if I do engage in sex outside marriage, I will fall in love with a guy who will reject me because of past sexual history. Yes, abstinence does prevent unplanned pregnancies and STDs, I won't argue that. But when you have sex, you can also do your best to prevent them as well. Start taking the birth control pill, always use a condom, and if your extra paranoid use spermicide as well. As for rejection, well it can happen. But think of it this way. Would you rather have sex with man now nd find out if you like it and enjoy it and that he is a good lover. Or would you rather have sex when you get married and enjoy, but he has no sex drive or suffers from premature ejaculation? That second option I doubt will make you happy. Thats my opinion, if you have questions because I didn't clarify let me know.
Lovelybird Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Hi all! First off, let me say that I'm a new member here, although I have been a lurker on LoveShack for quite some time. (I read threads in the Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy sub-forum during my first serious relationship, learned about 'No Contact' after our bad breakup, and came here to find out how to chase guys after I developed a new crush. ) Everyone here on LS seems pretty wise and reasonable, so I decided to register for an account because I need perspectives. I am currently dating the guy of my dreams. We were good friends before we started dating, and for a long time I thought he was out of my league, so I feel like the luckiest girl in the world now that we are together. We met in college. We are both 19. The thing is, I am Christian, and as most of you know, the Bible frowns upon sex outside of marriage. Since we haven't been dating that long, this hasn't been an issue yet, but I'm worried that down the road, he won't want to be in a relationship with a girl he can't sleep with. This wasn't a problem with the last two guys I dated, because they were both adamant that anything sexual should be left until after marriage (one wasn't even Christian!). I don't know what my current partner thinks about abstinence. (We haven't had that conversation - bad, I know!) Things have already escalated more than I had originally planned between him and I (but still nowhere near sex). I'm often very tempted to say "to Hell with abstinence!" because my boyfriend is very attractive. I have heard from friends that my current boyfriend is still a virgin, does this make any difference in his likelihood to be willing to wait? (After all, "virgins don't know what they're missing out on"!? ) Guys, would you date a girl who wanted to remain a virgin until marriage? I am considering doing what most of my Christian friends have been doing - that is, "everything except sex". (I'm guessing this means oral, etc.) Christians, do you consider this a cop-out? Guys, would you consider oral sex only an acceptable compromise? (I am laughing at how ridiculous my questions sound ). Is the whole abstinence-before-marriage idea silly and out-dated? To the Christians who have had sex before marriage, what are your current views on abstinence, and what made you decide to have sex? Abstinence is a topic that I have vacillated on for quite some time. On one hand, Christians are taught that sex outside of marriage displeases God. Abstinence also ensures that there are no unplanned pregnancies or STDs. I'm also afraid that if I do engage in sex outside marriage, I will fall in love with a guy who will reject me because of past sexual history. On the other hand, I know that sex outside of marriage is very common, and most people consider it risky to marry someone you have never had sex with. I'm also worried that my libido might decrease by the time I'm married (hopefully not!), so why not have fun now? What are you views and experiences regarding sex outside marriage? Am I being silly and naive? Any input is appreciated! Sorry for this rather odd rant. If you do oral sex, that is not abstinence. How much do you commit to God and your belief? Is your belief just a tradition or a conviction that come from your own heart? What are you views and experiences regarding sex outside marriage? Am I being silly and naive? Judged by who? by people here posting, your peers, or God? because different people will judge differently, according to different living standards. And who do you think love your most? You cannot put your two foot in two different boat, that will sink you. If you commit to God, then you have to endure other's opinions and bias toward you, even your boyfriend's attitude. If you want to follow the practice of this world, you are not following God. It all depends which road you want to go. And Christian road IS a narrow road, but its fruits are love, peace, joy, patience...
pilotDXB Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 If you do oral sex, that is not abstinence. How much do you commit to God and your belief? Is your belief just a tradition or a conviction that come from your own heart? You cannot put your two foot in two different boat, that will sink you. If you commit to God, then you have to endure other's opinions and bias toward you, even your boyfriend's attitude. If you want to follow the practice of this world, you are not following God. It all depends which road you want to go. And Christian road IS a narrow road, but its fruits are love, peace, joy, patience... I would disagree with this based on my personal experience. In my early 20s i dated a girl who was fairly christian. She lost her virginity to me (i started off as a rebound from her ended sexless relationship) and was consistently wild in the bedroom despite being reserved in public. I hold no doubt that she is in God's good graces as she goes to church every sunday (she even managed to convince me a few times...no small feat) and does plenty of volunteer work helping the less fortunate.
Lovelybird Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I would disagree with this based on my personal experience. In my early 20s i dated a girl who was fairly christian. She lost her virginity to me (i started off as a rebound from her ended sexless relationship) and was consistently wild in the bedroom despite being reserved in public. I hold no doubt that she is in God's good graces as she goes to church every sunday (she even managed to convince me a few times...no small feat) and does plenty of volunteer work helping the less fortunate. are you a christian as well?
rafallus Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 In my early 20s i dated a girl who was fairly christian. She lost her virginity to me (i started off as a rebound from her ended sexless relationship) and was consistently wild in the bedroom despite being reserved in public. That means her previous bf was a failure. @Kriss - that's some nice imagination you got there, pal.
Art_Critic Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 (edited) Yes, I would date someone who wanted to wait until marriage to lose their virginity.. and who brought anal sex into this ?.... hahahahaha Edited June 5, 2011 by Art_Critic
TheLawmaker Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 As a virgin who is waiting until marriage, yes I would.
Art_Critic Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Anal sex & blueberry pancakes, to be precise. Om nom nom. ........ I just realized my wording of my last post made me look like I was dating.. I should have worded it a bit differently.. more along the lines of.. back when I was single....
irc333 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I'm not going to speak to your Christian beliefs as I myself am a Jew. Let me just say, I respect them. I can tell you, I would not marry a girl without finding out if we're sexually compatible. Oral alone wouldn't be enough to determine this, no. Wait a min, I thought it was even against the Jewish faith to have pre-marital sex, right?
Dust Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I think waiting until marriage is very stupid. It only becomes more stupid if you do things like oral and anal yet claim they don’t count. Not having sex until marriage means nothing beyond light kissing. No hand jobs. No getting naked together and grinding. No oral of any kind. Pretty much just hand holding and light kissing. You really shouldn’t even put yourself in a situation where sex could happen. Stuff like sleeping over together or getting drinking together alone probably shouldn’t happen. You will probably end up marrying young. Like you could end up engaged and married before this year is through. I would refuse to marry a woman if we hadn’t had sex first. At this point in my life I would dump a person if we weren’t having any kind of sex after regularly dating for a few months and being boyfriend and girlfriend. Remember Jessica Simpson… That’s what I think of waiting till marriage. So dumb and uninformed. No one ever claimed to know Jesus was a virgin.
TheLawmaker Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Wait a min, I thought it was even against the Jewish faith to have pre-marital sex, right? It is. I don't understand what being Jewish has to do with it. My mom is Jewish, and I am familiar with the faith. Bottom line is, virginity doesn't matter. You lose it in 5 seconds. It only has as much importance as you give it. But me being a virgin, or you being a virgin, OP, doesn't make us better than the people who have slept around or had sex in relationships. It just means we haven't had sex yet. Period.
BobSacamento Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 It is. I don't understand what being Jewish has to do with it. My mom is Jewish, and I am familiar with the faith. Bottom line is, virginity doesn't matter. You lose it in 5 seconds. It only has as much importance as you give it. But me being a virgin, or you being a virgin, OP, doesn't make us better than the people who have slept around or had sex in relationships. It just means we haven't had sex yet. Period. If it's not important then why cling to it?
TheLawmaker Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 If it's not important then why cling to it? I'm not clinging to it. I'm through clinging to it. I have a ready made answer for any dating questions. I'm sorry, I don't discuss past relationships. This applies to sex, love, whatever you want to apply it to. As far as I'm concerned, it's nobody's business. Even if I get married to the girl, I will take my secret of virginity to the grave. Yes, some women like virgins. Most don't. I have no way of screening this, without revealing that I'm a virgin. And frankly, I am sick of waiting, so as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter. If it matters to a girl, and she takes me up on it, that's an excuse to drop her. Me, drop her. Not the other way around.
pilotDXB Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 are you a christian as well? Not particularly, i really only go if im with family a t easter/christmas. Living on the arab peninsula doesnt help
heartshaped Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 You know what worries me about you and this guy? You are already willing to compromise your morals/beliefs for him. If he isn't willing to date you because you won't have sex with him, do you know what that means? You move on. As a woman, never ever compromise who you are for someone you probably will spend a year or so out of your entire life with because at the end of the day you have to look yourself in the mirror and face the decisions you've made. The object of dating is not to lose yourself within a person or compromise who are for them. You are supposed to find the person who encourages you to be a better person and supports you in your beliefs, goals, and ambitions. I wish someone had told me that when I was nineteen. And also from a Christian standpoint, of course, sex before marriage isn't 'frowned upon' it's a sin. Yes, we can all repent for our sins, but it isn't so simple as just saying 'I'm sorry' and then continuing to knowingly commit said sin.
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