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if you are a smiley chatty person is it ok to be that way to friend's bfs?

angel_tenniser

By angel_tenniser
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angel_tenniser Established Member

angel_tenniser

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my friend has a boyfriend and one of my other friends said i was flirting with that boyfriend. but i only was doing my normal personality and being MYself so is there like a way you must change to to avoid flirting with a friend's bf or is it ok to be MYself even if its like flirty the way other people see it? thank you

bikinibeach Established Member

bikinibeach

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i would reccommend:

 

a) being AWARE of the clothing you wear when going out with a friend and her boyf. nothing too sexy.

 

b) you shouldn't have to change your personality but while you are chatting with her boyfriend, your friend should be included in the conversation. to make it clear that you are NOT flirting and are supportive of their relationship, why don't you happily chat about how much she talks about him, how good of a couple they are- talk about her to him. all positive.

 

also, i am wary of people who write things like this because, for example, my guy introduces me to girl who he warns me are perceived as flirty BUT they are like that with EVERYONE.....then i meet them and i get a snide half smile and a bit of awkward conversation while when talking with my bf, it's all hair flipping and blinking eyelashes and giggling.

 

take an honest look at yourself and your intentions!

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
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So, be your normal bubbly and chatty self with your female friend, both singularly and whilst her BF is around, so there is complete equality. I'll presume your friendship with her is the priority. Take steps for it to always appear so.

 

There's nothing unhealthy about being an outgoing person. It's a great gift. Everyone should experience it equally.

BobSacamento Established Member

BobSacamento

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In girl world there is no such thing as Girl Code. However, there is the "I'm just being myself" defense and that is heavily used...so watch out.

Futuregirl Member

Futuregirl

Posted
Posted

Hmm... there are a lot of people who cause misery and complications for their friends and partners by being very friendly and then saying they're just being themselves. I don't ever want to be one of them. I don't think you want to cause misery or complications either.

 

I figure it's a respect thing. I am intentionally neutral with friends' boyfriends, a boyfriend's guy friends, or guy friends of mine who have a girlfriend.

 

I show respect for everyone involved by doing the things that bikinibeach suggested. Mainly, I try to make sure my main focus is the woman.

 

good luck ! ;)

dangerstranger Established Member

dangerstranger

Posted
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It might be a good idea to ask for insight into why your friend felt that way.

What specifically did she think you were doing that gave her the impression you were flirting?

 

I'm always careful around my friend's partners never to cross boundaries. I'm aware of what it feels like to have that one particular female friend that is overly flirtatious.

 

You can be a bubbly charismatic person without coming across as flirtatious. I'd find out what specifically she found offensive so you can be aware of it in the future. At least you'll have the heads up for the future.

vsmini Established Member

vsmini

Posted
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my guy introduces me to girl who he warns me are perceived as flirty BUT they are like that with EVERYONE.....then i meet them and i get a snide half smile and a bit of awkward conversation while when talking with my bf, it's all hair flipping and blinking eyelashes and giggling.

 

I hate this - and then if your bf asks your opinion of her at the end of the night and it's anything less than favorable then you're just looked at as a jealous and insecure b*tch. It sucks.

My ex's best friend (who was a girl) did the snide smiles and would ignore me and give me short answers when I tried to engage her in conversation and just be sickly sweet to my boyfriend. What am I going to say to him "Sadie doesn't like me!" no way...then it just looks bad. I just had to shut my mouth and deal with it.

GG3 Established Member

GG3

Posted
Posted

I grew up with brothers and running with the boys. I have always gotten along better with guys than girls and always got along with my gf's boyfriends. I have learned over the years, it's best to back off and leave that personality trait behind when hanging out with your gf and her bf. I make sure I pay most of the attention to my girlfriend. I talk to everyone there of course, but my focus is on her. No flirting, no making a connection with him, etc.

 

I made a few girlfriends uncomfortable when I was younger and of course if you are ever in the reverse situation, you see how it makes you feel.

Sabali Established Member

Sabali

Posted
Posted

Personally, I try to adjust in situations like that in order to avoid misunderstandings. I started doing this after visiting a friend a couple of years ago to stand up in his wedding.

 

The groom's best man was a cool guy and we became distant friends through our mutual friend but he had a wife that seem to be fond of me in a harmless way. She was following me around a lot that weekend and I really believe it was because I was making her laugh and stuff but the best man had made a couple of comments about her coming up to talk to me so much. He said it in a joking manner but it felt like a bit of it was coming from his heart so I spent the rest of the weekend trying to avoid his wife. It kind of felt ridiculous.

 

It's funny how I used to just dismiss it as silly jealousy when an ex of mine Used to make such claims but now I consider the claim a bit more.

 

I am more aware of those situations now and wouldn't want my friends to get the wrong idea so I try to be a bit more reserved when it comes to situations like that.

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angel_tenniser Established Member

angel_tenniser

Posted
  • Author
Posted
i would reccommend:

 

a) being AWARE of the clothing you wear when going out with a friend and her boyf. nothing too sexy.

 

b) you shouldn't have to change your personality but while you are chatting with her boyfriend, your friend should be included in the conversation. to make it clear that you are NOT flirting and are supportive of their relationship, why don't you happily chat about how much she talks about him, how good of a couple they are- talk about her to him. all positive.

 

also, i am wary of people who write things like this because, for example, my guy introduces me to girl who he warns me are perceived as flirty BUT they are like that with EVERYONE.....then i meet them and i get a snide half smile and a bit of awkward conversation while when talking with my bf, it's all hair flipping and blinking eyelashes and giggling.

 

take an honest look at yourself and your intentions!

 

my best friend had her boyfriend at tennis so that's the time when i should watch for the right clothes.

but at least at school everybody has the same clothes on so its non-issue at school :)

 

thanks i'm doing that a not from now on , say good things about her to him, cool :D

 

yep , intentions the key.

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angel_tenniser Established Member

angel_tenniser

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
It might be a good idea to ask for insight into why your friend felt that way.

What specifically did she think you were doing that gave her the impression you were flirting?

 

I'm always careful around my friend's partners never to cross boundaries. I'm aware of what it feels like to have that one particular female friend that is overly flirtatious.

 

You can be a bubbly charismatic person without coming across as flirtatious. I'd find out what specifically she found offensive so you can be aware of it in the future. At least you'll have the heads up for the future.

 

my friend said it looked like i flirted because tipptoed up and down to make me shake and the overall really happy mood.

 

Personally, I try to adjust in situations like that in order to avoid misunderstandings. I started doing this after visiting a friend a couple of years ago to stand up in his wedding.

 

The groom's best man was a cool guy and we became distant friends through our mutual friend but he had a wife that seem to be fond of me in a harmless way. She was following me around a lot that weekend and I really believe it was because I was making her laugh and stuff but the best man had made a couple of comments about her coming up to talk to me so much. He said it in a joking manner but it felt like a bit of it was coming from his heart so I spent the rest of the weekend trying to avoid his wife. It kind of felt ridiculous.

 

It's funny how I used to just dismiss it as silly jealousy when an ex of mine Used to make such claims but now I consider the claim a bit more.

 

I am more aware of those situations now and wouldn't want my friends to get the wrong idea so I try to be a bit more reserved when it comes to situations like that.

 

yep i probably just havnt had it happen enough to learn from. i usually just go with my friends and not have their boyfriends. but now im playing tennis with them and guys are with us too.

 

So, be your normal bubbly and chatty self with your female friend, both singularly and whilst her BF is around, so there is complete equality. I'll presume your friendship with her is the priority. Take steps for it to always appear so.

 

There's nothing unhealthy about being an outgoing person. It's a great gift. Everyone should experience it equally.

 

Yep make sure to be consistent no matter whom is talking with me :)

Edited by angel_tenniser
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