joejoe Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Ok so since the break-up 4 weeks ago initiated by her she has been constantly been posting new photos of herself and her friends on facebook and is always saying how she is having so much fun. Her close friends are always putting up photos of her too. she changed her status but were still friends. I recently stopped looking at her profile but to be honest its hard! I may be reading way to much into it but does anyone else think this is weird as she probably knows id be looking at her profile? As i said she broke up with me after 4 years but she said she still loved me.She said she thought we shoudn't talk for a while and that it would take her time to be ok with me.
sinnister Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 You think this is bad? Her fakin it to either making it or she isn't fakin but with her "friends". Imagine those pictures being of her new lover n how that'll blow your mind (ftr, my ex, even as she says she loves him and cheated with him out of rs, hasn't posted one profile pic of them together). Perspective please, and b/f posting sometimes..research post-breakup behaviors through "the google ".
WTRanger Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 The bigger question is why are you looking at her Facebook? Delete and block her from your friends list. It's the simplest and most effective solution. Remove the source of the pain, remove the pain.
sinnister Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Unless you share children and know your ex is putting them in dangerous environments...there is no healthy reason to look at your exe'x FB, making sure cause I know I'm a hypocrite w/this..but an honest one.
Author joejoe Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 Hey I know your all right:) its like you know you dont gain anything from looking at the profile and that if you do look at it you'll only get hurt, and then you go ahead and look at it anyway. Stupid!!!!! Well the reason I didnt delete her completely is that their seems to mixed info out there on this one. Some say just delete them as friend and be done with it while others say dont as its comes across as being petty while it also give her the chance to see that your managing fine without her if she is viewing your profile
geegirl Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 It doesnt matter what others say or some say, the fact is that it hurts you. It doesn't affect them. So, do what helps you heal. They and others are not in your shoes. Stop torturing yourself.
Good Arms Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 (edited) Hi joejoe. So many wise people posting in this thread I can only tell you they're all right. Please do as I say, not as I did (well, until far too late): DELETE HER FROM FACEBOOK AND BLOCK HER!!! I know it's a hard step to take, but it's essential for you. You're not ready to be friends - you may never be. It doesn't even matter right now. If you still harbour feelings for her, then you have to cut her out of her life. And that definitely includes Facebook. Believe me, I've learned from my own mistakes! She probably realises you still want more than a friendship, so take her advice and leave her be. It clearly hurts to read that she's having fun when you've been blindsided by being dumped - I know exactly how that feels. My ex did the same. In reality a lot of this is probably her trying to convince herself she made the right decision, trying to project to the world that she's happy, trying to make herself feel better about any guilt she may have. Inside, who knows? It's a cliche, but people only post the good stuff on Facebook, so you don't get the whole picture. And if you can't handle seeing her having fun on her own, imagine the jealousy when you see mentions of other guys, or that she's in a relationship. I've been there, done that You'll feel like your heart's been broken all over again. Well the reason I didnt delete her completely is that their seems to mixed info out there on this one. Some say just delete them as friend and be done with it while others say dont as its comes across as being petty while it also give her the chance to see that your managing fine without her if she is viewing your profile Ignore any crazy advice from people who say it's "petty". It really isn't, and playing games like trying to give them the impression you're managing fine is pointless (though I was also considering doing that in the early stages before I woke up to reality). You have to think about yourself now. Honestly, even deletion isn't near enough. You have to block. If you don't, you risk seeing things you don't want to see on others' FB, appearing on your news feed etc, plus it's much, much easier to give into temptation. At the very least delete & block, or if you can face it get off Facebook altogether (deactivate, or delete). Do a simple search for Facebook in the forum titles, and you'll see endless threads about it, and the pain it causes. I can only warn you not to leave it too late, like I did. Now I know in future (though hopefully won't go through this again) I MUST cut any FB ties the moment a relationship is over for good. You have a great chance to do that before you see anything more, so please, for your own sake, do it! Good luck, and keep posting here for support Edited June 4, 2011 by Good Arms
MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 she's living her life. she wants you and everyone else to see that she is happy. now that doesnt mean she actually is happy. it just means that shes doing what she can to be happy. what you need to do...and yes you need to is block her. just block oall of her posts and that way you wont look at them. she's out there living and youre in here dying..does that sound good to you? so forget about what shes doing and posting cause thats just what people do. she may be happy she may not be but what she isn't is WITH YOU...so dont torture yourself by looking at her pics and wondering...just try to have your own fun.
Legacy1 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I just want to say thanks as I was asking myself the same question on what to do about this. Someone else posted on another post Facebook is Satan's tool to hurt you even more....I plan on it by Monday...thanks again everyone for the advice!
Beeotch Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Almost everyone's ex who uses social networking uses it to present a front of being overly fine, dandy and happy once their relationship is over. When my ex and I were together, he did not use Facebook frequently but after we broke up I coined the name "The Facebook King" for him ...he went from using it every now and again to DAILY, HOURLY, AND MINUTELY being on it with status updates and pictures of every single thing and of course, it was all about how happy and marvelous he was. I too probably exaggerated through Facebook that I was "so over it" and my life was great, but not to that point. I think a lot of people do this and it really doesn't matter why....it is often to convince yourself, your ex and the world that you're fine. You do what you must *shrug*. Don't look at it....what your ex does on their FB doesn't change that they've broken it off and people spend an inordinate amount of time "investigating" and analyzing EVERY move their ex makes, looking for some clue that it is somehow related to them, when the fact is, even if it is, that doesn't change any fact about the relationship being over and I view it as a normal part of the breakup phase and you need to not pay attention to it and get on with life.
guccimane99 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Good arms is right. i would know it kills so much the last thing u want to see is a picture of ur ex and some new guy. There is something i will never do after what i saw i will make sure my ex and her ex are truly gone and there is nothing there. I know how it feels to see ur ex with someone else it sucks. I'll tell u something i have never had this problem until i met this girl fell head over heals for her. Then A FRIEND messaged me to look at her facebook because she was dating i wasnt her friend but i didnt block her and there she was kissing the guy on the cheek and i flipped. So take it from me delete and block them out there not worth it.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I know your struggle. This is my first major breakup as well. My ex used to have his FB page deactivated... but it seems like after we broke up he reactivated it. idk wtf was going on there. Honestly, I think that if we're going to try and be friends at some point I don't want to delete it. A part of me is holding out hope that we'll get back together though. I've disciplined myself though so that I haven't looked at it in awhile. It may be the hard way, but it's the way I think I'll take until I'm ready to change something. I've already deleted his number from my phone, deleted all the pics he's ever sent to my phone, all the digital camera photos, packed up all the gift and reminders of him around my room and put them in a box that's tucked away. I think i'm moving at a safe pace. One thing I did do though was take him off of my phone alerts. So I no longer get his tweets sent to my phone anymore, and like I said I stopped looking at his FB profile. Being in this state and feeling it from the hurting perspective, I can only say that you need to do what's best for you at this time. If you feel like you would be better off not seeing what's going on and not knowing so that you can move on... then I say delete her because it may cause you more pain to see that she is going on about her life. In my case however, I guess I need to learn the hard way. Idk.
Kodo Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I don't believe deleting ALL of Facebook is a good idea. We're social creatures and having that social network, especially now for support, is very important. But delete her off Facebook. You're going to see things you don't want to, even small things that will give you the WRONG impression (which you still won't like). If she needs you, she has your phone number right? She can text you.
Lindamayes Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
Lindamayes Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Glad I discoverd this thread..Blocking someone on FB is the bst piece of advice I got. My best friend (a guy) got engaged and his fiance was so so jealous of me (I am happily married and a mom but I do not look like a mum at all.I have an awesome figure which I work hard to maintan and she is fat sadly) that she made him unfriend me on Facebook..He could have tried to convince her, but he wasn't man enough. I was shattered, devastated as this guy meant a lot to me and has always been there for me. I could not stop looking at his profile on FB...would keep checking even though I could not see any photos.. Wanted to desperately stop and move on. Blocking on FB ensures that even if I search for him by name now, his profile does not show up (unless I go to settings and undo which is too much trouble and I will not be doing it). So i have removed the 'easy access' to his profile.. It is best to do this to continue to heal. If you get hurt in the morning, you cannot expect the wound to be gone by evening. Keeping on looking at FB profiles is just raking up wounds and it will be easier when you delete AND block (not just delete). Thank you for soem sane sensible advice! I do hope to get over this guy soon.
shook187 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 my gf (ex) of 5 years deactivated hers after our breakup. i'm not sure why. i continued using it for 3 weeks and because we have mutual friends they were posting new photos of her all the time, this hurt me too much. i deactivated mine, and i'm not going on for a month until im healed. i've never felt so broken in my life. but i'm coping.
dreamscape123 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 The information i have read above is good advice to delete her... but i know that is hard, and i know how hard it is not to look at her profile... Having NC is very hard, as you just want to know what they are upto, and when you dont know, you always start thinking of the worst case situations... Personaly I would delete her, but then you need to concider about mutual friends too... in my case my g/f , well ex deleted me... but only a couple of days ago one of my friends who is hers too asked if i had seen her new bf that she has already started seeing... this was all through facebook... and was and still is a truley sickening and gutt wrenching experience... Facebook is a great way of keeping in touch with people, but can also be a painful way of finding out things... What ever you do, i hope it all works out ok for you , as i know just how you feel right now....
Surf Rider Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I have analysised your situation... Cause: Looking at your Ex's Facebook Effect: Painful Based on the above information and using my deductive reasoning skills, I have come to the following conclusion: Stop looking at her Facebook. If you are unable to do that... I would advise you to do the following instead: Anytime you feel like looking at her Facebook, get a hammer and hit yourself in the head as hard as you can. I know... It sounds a little crazy and drastic! However, even though this will knock you out and when you come back too, it is still quite painful... I promise you that it will hurt far less than if you had looked at her facebook. I agree 100%. Because the more you look at it, the more you will want to look at it. When my ex broke up with me, I never once looked at her profile. It made me feel better not knowing what was going on in her life. Trust me, if you stop looking at it you will feel more at ease about the situation.
Treble Clef Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Well if you don't want to defriend her outright: Newsfeed Click the little X Hide all posts by ______ Done! =)
radiodarcy Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 no need to ask why. just delete/block her. problem solved
Kathyy28 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I went through the exact same thing with my ex. We broke up almost 3 weeks ago and after the break up he kept on updating his status every 5 mins to brag about how much fun and a life he is having without him. I decided to delete him off facebook so I won't lose any respect for him as a person since before our relationship we were best friends for 10 years and known each other for 12. After I deleted him he stopped updating his status so frequently, but just recently he deleted every single one of our pics together :-/. For now it back fired on me but I think this will help me get over him much faster than seeing his face every 5 minutes on FB. Unfortunately he lives one street over so it still makes it hard to not think of him so often.
dreamscape123 Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Hi joejoe. So many wise people posting in this thread I can only tell you they're all right. Please do as I say, not as I did (well, until far too late): DELETE HER FROM FACEBOOK AND BLOCK HER!!! I know it's a hard step to take, but it's essential for you. You're not ready to be friends - you may never be. It doesn't even matter right now. If you still harbour feelings for her, then you have to cut her out of her life. And that definitely includes Facebook. Believe me, I've learned from my own mistakes! She probably realises you still want more than a friendship, so take her advice and leave her be. It clearly hurts to read that she's having fun when you've been blindsided by being dumped - I know exactly how that feels. My ex did the same. In reality a lot of this is probably her trying to convince herself she made the right decision, trying to project to the world that she's happy, trying to make herself feel better about any guilt she may have. Inside, who knows? It's a cliche, but people only post the good stuff on Facebook, so you don't get the whole picture. And if you can't handle seeing her having fun on her own, imagine the jealousy when you see mentions of other guys, or that she's in a relationship. I've been there, done that You'll feel like your heart's been broken all over again. Ignore any crazy advice from people who say it's "petty". It really isn't, and playing games like trying to give them the impression you're managing fine is pointless (though I was also considering doing that in the early stages before I woke up to reality). You have to think about yourself now. Honestly, even deletion isn't near enough. You have to block. If you don't, you risk seeing things you don't want to see on others' FB, appearing on your news feed etc, plus it's much, much easier to give into temptation. At the very least delete & block, or if you can face it get off Facebook altogether (deactivate, or delete). Do a simple search for Facebook in the forum titles, and you'll see endless threads about it, and the pain it causes. I can only warn you not to leave it too late, like I did. Now I know in future (though hopefully won't go through this again) I MUST cut any FB ties the moment a relationship is over for good. You have a great chance to do that before you see anything more, so please, for your own sake, do it! Good luck, and keep posting here for support That is some seriously good advice. I also know exactly how it feels. My ex started seeing a new guy a week or so after she ended it.. How did i find out... Facebook... Complete kick in the groin.... She had infact deleted me already, and a mutual friend decided to ask if i had seen her new BF.. then sent me the link.... Hurts real bad......
Good Arms Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Thanks, dreamscape123! I've mainly absorbed that wisdom (if it can be so called) from reading the advice and support of the hugely helpful LS community. But from bitter experience I know it all rings true. Well if you don't want to defriend her outright: Newsfeed Click the little X Hide all posts by ______ Done! =) I thought that would be enough myself at first, but be careful... really careful. Curiosity can be a horrible thing, and you want to create at least some barriers to being able to snoop on their profile in a moment of madness, or when you're so upset you feel it won't really matter to torture yourself any more. And if you have any mutual friends, you run the risk of your ex still popping up in your feed, when they comment on someone else's posts, or someone tags them in a photo. Even a tiny bit of news about their life that catches you unaware can prey on your mind for days or weeks. It's not worth it - if it's too painful to be 'friends' in real life, then there's nothing to gain by remaining virtual friends on Facebook. Delete and block.
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