Change2 Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Try to keep it short and sweet. Been together 11 years. I am sick of living this life with him. Pretending that I am some stong woman who can stomach his affair and get on with my life. But, im not. I can't do this. Its too freaking hard. It hurts. Things weren't changed to help heal ( ie, his email address, phone number) that maybe would have made things different. who knows. I decided to come out of denial for the last 3 years. Things aren't going to get better or change for us. Ontop of the affair is of course other issues. Whats really helped push me is we had a trip to colorado without the kids. We had alot of fun. I fell in love. Talked about moving there. I told him to please not let this be one of his times that he says we are going to do it and not. That we don't even need to talk about it if it won't happen. So, we came home and started packing. Then, he had to go and say he can't move without his grandmas blessing. Of course she didn't. I am so devistated about that. I want to be out there. I was so excited. I felt at such peace out there with myself. So, we aren't moving. Grandpa passed in december, but its not like we are leaving her alone. Her son and two other grandkids live here. But, that didn't matter she told him that you promised grandpa you would take care of me. What about your promises to me???? where do i fit in??? He might as well live with her, that is where he is all the time. we never see him. he works 12 plus hour days then usually straight to her house to help her then home to go to bed. weekends he is there. I know she needs us but we need him too. Im tired of asking to balance that. Im tired. I have nothing left to give. I told him i want a divorce, wrote a note of my thoughts on how we could start this process. he went crazy and left. I am a sahm. I haven't worked in 8 years. this is very scary. but i don't see how i can be happy and married. He said i did this. i know i didn't want this for my kids. i tried i really have. Im sobing wishing i was strong enough for them to make it until they are 18 but i can't. should i just keep pushing through. that maybe there is still chance and im being to emotional? when do you know its the last straw, nothing can be fixed?
willowthewisp Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 So your reasons for wanting out are 1. Affair 2. He does not make you a part of decisions about your lives i.e. where you live 3. He priorities his grandmother over time with his family and wroks excessive hours ? Marriage counselling may be a good place to start. All of these problems can be addressed if both of you are willing, with some help from a trained relationship counsellor. The affair? Well that is only a personal choice you can make, if you are willing to work through the issues in your marriage you may decide that you can forgive, but that choice is yours and yours only, no one would expect you to do that. You asked when you know it can't be fixed? The answer is when you ahve exhausted all options. An MC is a good place to start.
YellowShark Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 His "grandma's blessing?" Seriously? That's hilarious! Sorry but that's such a cop out. He cheated on you, and didn't do what he needed to do to repair that damage. To add insult to injury he is now using his grandmother as an excuse to not move to try and get a fresh start. Seems he is not really committed to "move mountains" to win you back. I recommend you speak to a therapist and an attorney and see what professional advice they would give you. If you're a SAHM then he will have to provide support, eventually if you split you will have to go out into the world and find a job. Try not to be scared, (it's simply the fear of the unknown), instead try to realize that where you are is unhealthy, and making you feel terrible. It's time for a change. If he want's to change with you then great, if he doesn't then take control of your life and evolve without him. Good luck.
Shane Jimison Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Marriage counceling may be a great place to start. Since there has been an affair, counceling may not be enough. If this is true, it may be time to discuss divorce. Forum groups, friends and family are the best place to turn to discuss your issues and find a peaceful, legal resolution.
Recommended Posts