Girls who keep texting even in dates: Mentally ill?

[quietGuy13]

Seems to me like they feel lonely or something....Sometimes i even see girls with friends or with BF in a restaurant and instead of being attentive and being in the conversation enjoying the company of them, they are texting.

WTF?

 

I really think this is some kind of mental illness. It's not just Women, many highschool students are doing it everywhere. They can't stop texting or Playing with their smart phones surfing the internet or whatever even though they're with their friends.

 

What do you think of this ?

[Lucky_One]

I wouldn't call it mentally ill. I do think that we, as a society, have programmed ourselves that we are incapable of being without our phones or without being able to instantly connect with others, and that our brains are now wired to need that constant change in cognitive function.

 

I hate it.

 

And I am sometimes guilty of it. I sometimes need to talk with my son, and I can simply text him from the table and still carry on a conversation with my H or friends, or I can even answer work emails while I am having lunch with a casual client. I TRY not to, but sometimes it is urgent or just convenient.

 

But yes, it is pretty rude, and I do make a point not to do so if the conversation or activity has turned personal or important. And i do try to apologize for it.

[vsmini]

I'm 28 - part of the first wave of texting/internet/tech generation and I can say I think it's totally F*cked up when I see this.

 

Since when is texting someone more important than having actual face-to-face relationships. Texting someone to tell them you'll be late or call them later? Sure - texting someone about how your day went while at dinner with a friend? HELL NO. My 23 year-old cousin has ongoing "fights" with her boyfriend over text. She's an adult! So stupid.

 

Just last night I was walking by a restaurant and I saw a mother and her little boy (5 or 6) at the table. He had his earphones in watching a movie on a portable DVD player propped on the table and his mom was texting.

 

Kids growing up on this stuff will think this is how proper communication is done and when they grow up they'll wonder why they're so frustrated in their relationships.

[Fugu]

If I were in the dating game and if I were out on a first date or even a second, and a girl were texting incessantly, that would be it. And I agree that the generation of Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube has become ultra narcissistic. I feel for those who court in the years to come -- both young men and young women.

[Lucky_One]

Oh. PS. It's not just women or high school students (as you said in your original post).

 

The other night, I was at a younger neighbor's house to watch a hockey match, and only 1 out of the other 7 in the room (aged 25-35) didn't constantly have their phone in their hand. The women, on the other hand, were mostly standing around in the kitchen talking and eating and laughing with each other.

[zengirl]

If it's during an early date or incessant, it's rude. But not a mental illness.

 

And it's not limited to women. Or high schoolers. (I'm 26, and my friends are 24-35.) There are many times, in co-ed circles, I'll walk into a room these days and see EVERYONE in the room on their phone. I am less attached to my phone than most of my friends (and people tend to get antsy with me because I don't immediately answer texts/FB messages/emails/even phone calls all the time, because I only check my phone every-so-often), and I'll often tease people for their phone habits.

 

My friend and I were making fun of two guys at the bar last night who were sitting across from each other, eating dinner, and on their phones. We were joking they were texting each other. So, guys do it too. A lot of guys I know will randomly start playing video games on their phones. (Not on dates!) My ex did that sometimes.

 

That said, everyone with an ounce of politeness should know to turn their phone of on a date (assuming it's not a relationship---if you spend that much time together, you have to check your phone in front of the person; different story).

[vsmini]

That said, everyone with an ounce of politeness should know to turn their phone of on a date (assuming it's not a relationship---if you spend that much time together, you have to check your phone in front of the person; different story).

Heck no - If my BF and I are out on date night our phones are on silent and out of the way.

 

I agree that it's men and women - in my experience I see it more common in women but....it's not a slam to my gender.

 

I think if someone is healthy and balanced and has good communication/social skills then texting is not an issue. But for those that don't - fights come about from texting, serious conversations are happening on text because people don't feel comfortable having it face to face. NOT GOOD.

 

It will be interesting with those people that are young - that need to learn these core communication skills - may miss out on some essential things because "texting is so much easier." They may not have that balance.

[zengirl]

Heck no - If my BF and I are out on date night our phones are on silent and out of the way.

 

I suppose this depends how much time you spend with your BF. I refuse to neglect the rest of my life, so with I'm with a BF who I spend the whole weekend with (which is something I've normally done in relationships if not EVERY weekend, then close to), I'm not going to turn my phone off all weekend. That's more what I mean. I wouldn't check it during a candle-lit dinner or anything, but it all depends.

[welikeincrowds]

To be honest, most of the ideas and replies in this thread strike me as alarmist. Texting doesn't have an analogue to any behaviors from 10 years ago; that form of communication simply didn't exist. It does now, and it's new and noticeable -- but where's the proof that it necessarily replaces other forms of communication? In fact i would argue that it doesnt, because it can't. Rather, it just shows up in places where nothing did before. That may be surprising, but why is it wrong?

 

There are opportunities for people to be rude, naive, or immature in any communication form; it just manifests in different ways, ones shaped by the medium. As to the medium itself: there is nothing inherently bad to it, as there is nothing inherently bad to social "connectedness". Which is also not to say there is nothing bad to not wanting it or liking it. We all have our preferences.

 

In the case of friends or lovers texting while with each other -- if neither is offended, then it's not rude; further, who is to say that this is not how they express their love for each other? "Ridiculous", you may think, but I know that feeling well; the warmest, fullest waves of love and appreciation have washed over me when in complete silence with my SO, side by side or couch by couch with our own books, or otherwise occupied; "even when neither of us has attention to spare, the simple act of being near one another makes me feel protected, desired, understood"; this, to me, is the kind of love I cherish.

 

I would just rather that everyone put these technological changes into perspective. They are fast -- faster than society, social and legal, can comfortably keep up with. That makes them at times weird or offensive or scary or stupid or otherwise poorly understood, but if we can simply accept that we cannot know these things as quickly and immediately as they come to us and affect our lives, then we can agree to hold on judgment, until our social protocol is more established, and our feelings more stable. These devices are magic, and we still treat them that way. But 300 years ago we might have been burned at the stake for even considering the possibility of something like this existing. We've come a long way, and we should continue to allow that growth, without inviting opportunities for social panics that embarrass us in the history books.

[vsmini]

I think most people that might have struck you as alarmists actually did say things like "I wonder" or "it will be interesting to see where this goes" I don't think people are quite literally saying this is the end of all things good.

 

Rather, it just shows up in places where nothing did before. That may be surprising, but why is it wrong?

These technologies are meant to enhance - not substitute and I've seen a number of people that have in fact used it as a substantial substitute.

 

I'm not willing to write it all off because I've seen a bunch of immature jackasses take it so seriously that they cry over it.

 

IE - girls and guys using it to talk about serious things because they're too afraid to talk about it in person.

It's kind of like cyber bullying - sure bullying has ALWAYS been around but now kids feel free and more disconnected so it's easy to tell their school mate to kill himself via facebook or text than say it in person. When kids grow UP with these walls to hide behind it makes it easier to avoid the tough lessons of learning to communicate properly.

[Cee]

Welikeincrowds gave a thoughtful answer. There is something about our society that needs to be horrified and alarmed by technology. You probably aren't old enough to remember this, but there were these alarmists saying that video games would turn young people into serial killers.

 

Also, keep in mind that the phone has a lot of capability, and someone looking at their phone may be many things other than texting. My boyfriend rarely texts, but he does a lot of reading on it. Sometimes we hang out quietly on our phones, which is akin to the days when couples shared a newspaper.

 

Although I admit I have texted people when on a date, but not a long conversation. If somebody invites me somewhere, I feel like it's polite to respond and say that I'm out and will catch up with them later.

[welikeincrowds]

I think most people that might have struck you as alarmists actually did say things like "I wonder" or "it will be interesting to see where this goes" I don't think people are quite literally saying this is the end of all things good.

 

 

These technologies are meant to enhance - not substitute and I've seen a number of people that have in fact used it as a substantial substitute.

 

I'm not willing to write it all off because I've seen a bunch of immature jackasses take it so seriously that they cry over it.

 

IE - girls and guys using it to talk about serious things because they're too afraid to talk about it in person.

It's kind of like cyber bullying - sure bullying has ALWAYS been around but now kids feel free and more disconnected so it's easy to tell their school mate to kill himself via facebook or text than say it in person. When kids grow UP with these walls to hide behind it makes it easier to avoid the tough lessons of learning to communicate properly.

 

On the one hand, I don't love the idea that a technology gets to be judged by the maturity of the people who use it.

 

On the other hand, I recognize that there is a reason for this, and it's the same reason we give kindergarteners safety scissors. You made a good point with your cyberbullying example. I suppose society has to mature along with these people who abuse their tools.

[vsmini]

On the one hand, I don't love the idea that a technology gets to be judged by the maturity of the people who use it.

 

That's true too....

 

I don't know. Having kids one day is going to scare the absolute crap out of me.

[OliveOyl]

The main thing that bothers me about seeing people with their phones or smartphones glued to their palms is the lack of being in the present moment & location.

[vsmini]

Sometimes we hang out quietly on our phones, which is akin to the days when couples shared a newspaper.

 

I'll often bring this up to my BF when we're in bed for the night and we're both on our kindles or both on our laptops at the same time. It's the new, more modern couple instead of the mister and misus reading the paper or their paperbacks

[zengirl]

The main thing that bothers me about seeing people with their phones or smartphones glued to their palms is the lack of being in the present moment & location.

 

This is why I'm not a fan of being glued to my phone.

 

With one group of my close friends, if they get lost in their phones or anything else that's very not here and now, we have a little game where we go, "Attention! Attention!" (like the mynah birds in the book Island) to each other 'cause it's a group of hippie Buddhist/Taoist/New Age/Zen-leaning folks like me.

 

It all depends on context, though. If I'm with others, I will normally say, "Let me check such-and-such" or whatever if I get on my phone, and I don't get lost in it. If I want to do alone-stuff, I'd rather do it alone. Exceptions are a SO, a family member, or a roommate, who might be around a lot more, but I'd still make time for them where they had my full attention sometimes.