Karala Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Don't know how long it'll last lol... But just now I'm feeling a lot better, all of sudden thinking about the fact that my ex clearly is the one with a problem to be in love with me but still not be willing to work on our issues... I'm thinking about little things like how he told me a few days ago that the first month after we separated 3 months ago, when we had our first NC period, he was down in the dumps and going to bed every night clutching to a bottle of rum named after me - yeah I know that sounds weird, lol, long story short, rum-based cocktails are part of the history between my ex and I, especially since that vacation we took in the Carribeans last year... and then once, we found out that there was this rum brand named after the nickname he gave me and we just thought it was so funny... And then just recently, just after we broke up, he happened to grab hold of one of those rum brand bottles and go home with it, and then every night he would drink some of it to help numb the pain and he would go to sleep with this bottle of rum next to him with my name on it... When he told me this story lately after we reconnected, I just thought it was so sad and sweet and it helped me realize that I'm not the only one suffering through this breakup... I'm also feeling so relieved now to know that I won't hear from him anymore and nothing will come revive the pain. I'm thinking of all the sweet things he did for me. The guy bought me a freaking piano for my 30th birthday (actually raised up the money from our friends and families to buy one). He's the one with issues, saying he loves me so much but he just doesn't want to stay in the relationship anymore. One of my biggest fears is that he will realize that he let go the love of his life and come back to me, but it will be too soon. Still, I realize that I'm lucky compared to all the people that have been dumped heartlessly and treated badly. Knowing that he still loves me and hurts too makes my misery over losing him a bit more tolerable. He's the one who made it final that we were not going back to work on things, but he still has to suffer through the consequences. Sorry, ex, but suck it.
RuinedLife Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I'm glad that you are feeling a little better I really hope that feeling lasts for you and you get a little better each day That you stop blaming yourself in anyway, because sounds like you are clearly not at all responsible for your break up. Clearly your ex has a lot of issues to work through himself and I guess everyone does in some way after a break up? Just some more than others maybe? I wish I could stop blaming myself for my break up too, but I still feel so responsible for my relationship break down and I love my ex so much still. Its like I've got both the guilty conscience of a dumper and the horrible heartache and feeling of rejection typically experienced by a dumpee. I'm sorry if it seems I've high-jacking your thread in anyway. I don't mean to, I'm just really struggling to cope at the moment and reaching out to people on this forum is all I really have at the moment to help me cope with the agony of this despair inside me, as my family is so sick of me. I keep searching youtube for more self-help videos etc so I don't feel so alone and hear some encouraging words from others.. but I've watched nearly all the good break up and depression ones I can find, most of them multiple times.. As distracting myself with other things isn't really working for me today. Also I broke my NC and contacted my ex. Its terrible but I felt too guilty just ignoring him.
Author Karala Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 Hi RuinedLife, I'm sorry to hear that you can't get the support you would like from your family at the moment, please feel free to let it out on any threads I might start if it's any relief to your pain, I will be very happy if that can help you even just a little bit! From what you're saying, it seems you are very active in trying to find ways to relieve the pain so you probably heard already about EFT, but just in case, I found this video to be very helpful to me when in my weakest moments of these last months. I knew about EFT before but this video helped me much more than what I had tried before, and I used it quite a few times. It's weird, sometimes following the routine didn't help at all, but most times it made me feel so much better I was actually amazed. It's weird -_- Maybe some of all this pain you just have to go through, to process it and move on from it, and that's why the EFT routine or nothing else will work on those moments - but maybe some of the pain is just, I don't know, residual, habitual pain that's really not "necessary" and that's when the emotional resolution process of EFT is effective. What I've noticed is the times when EFT worked, I felt various little things in my body like wanting to yawn, sigh or scratch myself. And when it didn't work, I knew from the first "round" that it was not working this time because I was not feeling those little "symptoms". By the way, don't let it get to you when he says feeling bad after a breakup is maybe one of those "right" times to feel bad, lol, that's no reason for seeking relief. Can't hurt to try, I guess, and at the very least, it will distract you somewhat for 18 minutes ^^
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