P&R Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Just wondering. I would like to spend time with my girlfriend more but I get shotdown a lot when I want to hang out. Would this be a bad move? I just want to know if I'm being too needy for her.
vsmini Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 What about your needs? You want to spend more time with your girlfriend...how much time do you spend with her already?
pureinheart Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Just wondering. I would like to spend time with my girlfriend more but I get shotdown a lot when I want to hang out. Would this be a bad move? I just want to know if I'm being too needy for her. No, I don't think so because things could be going on with her that are unrelated to you, although have been taking up a lot of her time. If it becomes a major issue with you and you are feeling "shot down" too much...ask her straight up what the deal is and tell her what YOU want...if she cannot comply and it is a deal breaker, then you might need to roll... I really hope this works out the way you want:)
Author P&R Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 (edited) Usually I spend two days a week with her. Usually it isn't quality time though. She has a new 9-6:30 job but with her commute she usually gets back at 8:00. It's her first time working a full time job. She lives with her parents so I usually spend a good hour talking with them. I finally get to spend time alone with her at 10:00 but by 11:00 she starts saying it's time for me to go. Usually I can draw it out about 30 minutes. I also get shot down a lot when I ask her out and she defers to another day or says she'll raincheck me. When I do get to spend time with her she just uses me as a human teddy bear. I feel I'm not getting to know who she is as a person or her life. This recent rejection has me a bit frusterated. My girlfriend has two best friends. I haven't met one of them because she moved out of state 4 years ago. She is coming to visit all of her friends she left behind in this state. I'm going to hang out with my girlfriend and her two best friends on Sunday. It's going to be later at night and to be honest I'm very nervous, because I'm a shy person. I asked my girlfriend if I could hang out with her on Sunday before we meet with her friends because it would make me a lot less nervous. She hesitated and said it will probably be late at night. I made it clear to her that I missed her and I wanted to spend time with her but she still was hung up on "but I don't know when we'll be hanging out, it will probably be later at night"... She's not ruling it out but it seems that she is hesitant to hang out on Sunday for whatever reason before we see her friends. This latest episode makes me wonder whether or not I should ask if I'm being too needy. I understand my girlfriend is in a transition period with this new job. I know on Saturday she's going to be hanging out with her girlfriends (FYI I can't hang out on Sunday because of another obligation) and will be again on Sunday with me in tow. My girlfriend can be extremely introverted sometimes, but other times she is a social butterfly... I just want to know if I'm being too needy for her. Edited June 4, 2011 by P&R
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I don't understand the Sunday thing. In one breath you asked to spend time with her on Sunday, and in the next you say you can't see her on Sunday because of other obligations....?
zengirl Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Never ask if you're too needy. Even if you weren't, you automatically become too needy when you ask.
robdrm32 Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I'm going through a similar situation, I spend little "quality" time with my g/f but i spend probably just as much time with her and her family as we do alone. How long have you been together? She may just be taking it VERY slow and not investing alot of time/emotion into it because she is shy/scared. Granted its not the best for a relationship but if its a new thing for her she may just be feeling you out slowly. Ask her what the relationship means to her, how much of a priority you are for her. If she is making it clear you are on the same level as the rest of her friends, you need to decide if thats good enough for you. Try turning it around, be too busy for her. Plan your week out without involving her and see if she takes the lead and says "I want to see you" Just because she isn't making you a top priority doesn't mean she is a bad person or less faithful, it's just how she is approaching things and she has her reasons for it.
NoReallyThatHappened Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I may have missed this in other threads, but how long have you been seeing each other? Have you been progressively seeing each other more often or have things been stuck this way for a while? It's so important to speak up about your needs in a relationship. Make it very clear that you want to spend quality time with her.
Author P&R Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 I may have missed this in other threads, but how long have you been seeing each other? Have you been progressively seeing each other more often or have things been stuck this way for a while? It's so important to speak up about your needs in a relationship. Make it very clear that you want to spend quality time with her. Now it's been seven months. The time we seen each other actually has decreased. She just got a full time job maybe a month and a half ago. Before it was two days but we spent 14 hours together, now it's 1-2 days 3-4 hours. Since she's gotten this job I feel the relationship hasn't really progressed.
Author P&R Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 (edited) I don't understand the Sunday thing. In one breath you asked to spend time with her on Sunday, and in the next you say you can't see her on Sunday because of other obligations....? No... I can't see her on Saturday... it's Sunday that I'm going to be hanging out with her friend. My problem is that she doesn't have any plans on Sunday before we hit the town with her friends and she seems to not want to spend time with me before hand... Edited June 4, 2011 by P&R
Author P&R Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 I'm gonna say dump. Something fishy here. OP there are many women who work fulltime or even longer hours who will gladly make time to spend with you and will welcome a man who likes to be around her in contrast to being aloof and unavailable. She's not aloof but she is unavalible. The problem is I can't break up with her like that. I love her and I've never clicked with somebody this well.
Nexus One Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 P&R, I've been following your threads for some time now and 3-4 hours per week is really too little. I'm having the feeling that there's something wrong with the relationship on her side. It isn't normal that a girl who sees you only 3 to 4 hours per week shoots down any other opportunities to see you. You mention you are shy, but if she spends more time with her other male friends that with you(her boyfriend), then she has the situation skewed. This is where you as a man need to let your testosterone flow and put your foot down. You need to demand an answer from her why the situation has become so skewed. There's nothing needy about wanting to spend more than 4 hours a week with your SO. You don't need to ask her whether you are too needy or not, you need to tell her that you feel that the situation is skewed and that you feel she f*cking around with you. You're not a toy, yet she seems to treat you like one. She doesn't have her priorities in order. There's not enough love coming from her side, love also means spending time together, she's not delivering, instead she's spending that time with other male friends. F*ck everything about that.
Art_Critic Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Is it a good idea to ask if you're to needy? It's a needy thing to do
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