Dabbles Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I just need a little advice LSers... I am dealing with a recent fallout of a guy I have been involved with for almost 2 years, on and off. This is not the first fall out of its kind, but it is the first time I am evaluating things from a different perspective. About three days ago, I randomly get a text from my guy that states he wants to be just friends with no real explanation. Of course, this text message comes at 1am. I deal with anxiety as it is, and it set off pretty badly to the point I was in tears trying to understand what was going on. There were no problems. Nothing. We hadn't had an argument in over a month! I fought him on it (stupid me, I know). Cried, blubbered and begged. He said, we'll work something out. Of course, I am not happy. I got myself together though and started to pick through somethings and I did lightly, as that is the best way to approach him when dealing with emotional issues, ask him was he scared about hurting me and was he scared about being vulnerable around me. In which he said yes to both. I then decided that, as much as I don't want it, I needed to not be selfish and take a step back and give him the space he was asking for. I told him today, while it is not what I wanted, we would attempt to be friends (I told him before, for me, the emotional bond and everything we've been through -we'd never be able to just be friends). But I realized, he needed that. I asked him why he thought being friends would help us and how did he truly feel about me. He claimed that he cared about me a lot and he was afraid that he'd turn around and do something that would completely hurt me and scar me for life, which is why he believes we'd be better off as friends. Has anyone else dealt with something or someone like this? That is, if their partner gets emotionally overloaded, they disengage? He is a very logical person, 100%. Always sees things from a logical point of view and honestly, he has a very hard time processing things emotionally (in the past month since our last argument and even before then, we were getting closer and there was more intimacy occurring between us). Now, I know from lurking on LS for a long time, many people say being friends is settling, which it is. I know that, I learned a long time ago as well not to lie to myself. Yet, for once in a very long time... I don't feel like I'm the problem I know there is nothing that I can do besides back off because the more I cling, the more he'll try to run away. In the meantime... I am doing all of the post-break up things (even though it's only been 3 days, due to my anxiety and past emotional issues, I need to act fast)... trying to get out more with friends, volunteering, remembering to take care of myself, handling my own life in general, etc, etc. But I will still be spending some time with him (he said he'd like that and would not mind) and still chatting with him on occasion. I am just looking for similar stories or advice and maybe even how things ended... at this point, while I'd love to be back together with him, I am trying to take things one step at a time and one day at a time.
wilsonx Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Like many other people will say, walk away. Don't talk to him. You will realize its not worth it but as the dumpee I will tell you it sucks. Im there right now and I feel the pain and confusion Dont be just friends with someone you have an emotional attachment with. I am now Day 1 of NC with my ex that dumped me because she has GIGS. I feel sad but at the same time I have had time to think about it, I am relieved a bit. She has been my best friend for YEARS! and its tough. Work on you not him
sunshine suki Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Ok girl, you have to WAKE UP. Don't go for breadcrumbs, PLEASE. Do not allow this to happen, you HAVE to be selfish. Don't forget yourself for another person. Just don't, you'll regret it and the person might loose his respect for you. Show your limits, and you'll show the world you have SELF-RESPECT. Believe me, I've been through this. Also, I'm suggesting this great post for you to read: http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/33917 You can do it!
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