Putting the kabashes on husbands 'vacation' with his mistresses

[bruiseviolet]

We are engaged, not married, but have 3 children and have been together for 6 years now- so I feel like responses from those who are married are more fitting and understanding of the situation vs. someone who has been dating someone for a year with no children. Anyways...

 

I'm not going to get into details in this thread- but basically I have given him chance after chance to stop lying and cheating (he has a major porn/sex addiction and all he's seen to have done is get better at hiding it from me). I have seriously given him 6 or 7 chances to change things and get help. I am finally at the end of my rope and realize that things need to end soon.

 

He is living about 14 hours away from his family/friends/hometown and has only been back one time in the past 6 years to visit (because his mom had a heart attack- and guess what- he even managed to cheat on me during this time there).

 

So obviously I was more than happy when he said he was going back home to visit for a weekend. =P It's so hard to not get into the complexities here- let me try and stick to the basics.

 

He reconnected with Miss A and Miss B via Facebook (both old girlfriends from high school). Miss A is single- but lives in another country. Miss B is married with children. He has been talking to both of them for the better part of 2 or 3 years now. Basically having emotional affairs with them- he tells them the same crap he told me- (when we met he was still with his wife but told me they were seperated and divorcing- i didnt learn until 3 years into our relationship that they were in fact still together and not seperated) so they think we are 'seperated' i'm sure- and he tells each of them how he really only has loved them and he thinks about them everyday blah blah blah.

 

Anyways to the point of my story. He has no clue, that I know that he is planning on meeting up with each of them when he goes back home (the one is even arranging her work schedule so she can fly into the country to see him for the weekend- and the other is arranging it with him when her husband is out of town). I don't plan on telling him I know- I just keep acting like it's ok for him to go home and that I don't care (nevermind the fact he wants to go alone and his family has NEVER met any of our children) so from the obvious things that are irritating me that he knows- but he has no clue I know he is planning on meeting these two women- and obviously going to have sex with them. Now- neither of the girls know about each other as well.

 

While I love this man, and don't want revenge- I really would love some great way to thwart his plans for the weekend home and just make it turn into a huge disaster at which point I will tell him to not come back home and that we are through.

 

Anyone have some good ideas? I don't want anything that anyone would get hurt- but things like waiting until he is on the plane and then contacting the women and showing them the emails - or i could be a total jerk tag him in the posts- and post the messages he has been sending to each of the girls about meeting- and tag them in it- especially so the married ones family/husband can see them.

 

Ideas?

 

ugh this sucks.

 

32... never married... 3 kids... and 7 years down the drain with a loser =(

[Star Gazer]

3 kids in a 6 year relationship? Really?

[bruiseviolet]

3 kids in a 6 year relationship? Really?

 

ok well I wasn't putting the information out there to get bashed on. If it makes any difference, my oldest is from a previous relationship. We were friends for 5+ years before we even started dating. I'm so glad you have lived a perfect life that you can judge mine.

[CAFamilyLaw44]

Hi,

 

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.

 

Although I am not married and I don't have children, I have been seeing someone for close to a year now who has a young daughter (9). He and the mom were never marr

 

ied and didn't even date for very long before their daughter was born...

 

Anyways, besides being shuttled between two homes she also has to deal with the fact that the relationship between her parents is very contentious and that the two are more apt to argue than get along.

 

There was even an episode today where my friend was picking up his daughter from school (where the mom works as well), and the mom was yelling at the daughter because she had almost lost her purse (but it was found later on). In her tirade, the mom began throwing in stuff about my friend (the dad) and "you are so messy like your father" and all that great information that a child needs to hear. She came back to her father and said "mommy can be a female dog sometimes" - which means she is being affected by this situation.

 

The reason I am sharing this story is because if you are planning on doing something to expose your man, just remember that in one way or another your children may find out and then resent you in the future - especially if their dad is with them at some point without you, and takes that time to fill their ears and possibly even nastily twist the story of what you might have done, and what he thinks of that (and you).

 

I feel bad that you have to go through this, but because I have seen it firsthand where a child is being alienated I just don't want you to have to go through that as well and add on to your stress.

 

I hope this helps, and best of luck with your situation.

 

CAFamilyLaw44

www.prepyourdivorce.com

[heartshaped]

I would be honest with both of these women about the true circumstances of your relationship with this man. Just as you were sucked in by him and misled, they are being misled [most likely] as well. I know it's hard to feel sympathy for someone your fiance is cheating on you with, but there's no reason another woman should have to go through what you've already gone through with him.

 

I don't think you should be cruel in exposing him, but I would alert the women to the true nature of your relationship with him and the married woman, I would alert her husband as well. When I was cheated on by my now ex-fiance, I did the same. I knew he hadn't told the women about me and I wouldn't have felt right letting them be misled since I've been in that position myself.

 

I think the most important thing though is that you get out now while you are still young and can find someone else. Don't waste anymore time on this man. He is a cheater and a liar and he doesn't deserve you. Dump him and move on with your life.

[You Go Girl]

Have you read the chats? How do you know he plans on sleeping with them? Is all your information about his cheating accurate, or is some of it assumptions?

 

Ok, let's go with the it's all facts view, and that you're absolutely positive he's a serial cheater.

What are you waiting for? Really? Ask yourself that in a quiet room, until you have an answer.

Otherwise, I would spend the time packing up his stuff, getting the court order for child support, etc.

 

Let me put it even more simply. If he's the awful serial cheater you say he is--why are you even posting here? I'm not trying to insult you. I really want YOU to understand YOU. Why post the question? You'd just get busy packing his bags...so something else is up in your mind.

You think you can control him. You can't.

You think you can stop the other women from getting together with him. Dear, there's millions of women on the planet...a never ending supply for him, so that logic is illogical.

You're NOT doing the one thing you need to do.

Find the proof.

Have the confrontation before he goes.

Find out his true feelings on fidelity by asking him straight out.

If he's a serial cheater, he will lie, you won't get anywhere by talking to him, and it would be pointless...so back to packing his bags and getting the court order for child support again...

unless...you're wrong. Unless he's not a serial cheater. Unless you simply make assumptions. Unless you have serious communication issues.

Otherwise, you're not off the mark...so why the hesitation?