BackingLines Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 When i was 15 I got bullied out of my highschool. Spent most of my time at home in chat rooms and such. I met this girl. Well i met a lot of girls but this one was special. We instant messaged for a few weeks. She was easy to talk to and we had a lot of fun talking to each other. One day she said she couldn't talk to me anymore. I asked why. She admitted that she had been lying to me. She had told me that she was a 16 year old in NYC. Come to find out she was a 16 year old in the UK. We continued talking. After a couple months we became more romantic. I wouldn't call it dating. She told me that i could date other girls but that she wouldn't date other guys. She wasn't allowed to date since she was a strict catholic. After a little while i told her i loved her. She told me she felt the same. We started skyping. I know for a fact that she is real. She has access to my paypal account and has never taken a dime. We talk for at least a few hours on skype everynight. She is working trying to save up money to come on a vacation to america. But i don't feel comfortable making her work to come see me. I have the money to go see her but i am in college. I am an athlete (football) and i am hoping to start by my senior year. Therefore I don't have any time off throughout the year. I was thinking maybe i should send her a ticket. She has always told me not to worry about it. But i feel like its dumb to drag this out. And she gets really sad sometimes when she is talking to me. Crying her eyes out saying that it isn't fair that she can't be with me. Do you think i should send her a ticket? Do you think our relationship could ever work? It seems so stupid to me. I feel like how could i really know her? But then again i feel like i know everything about her.
Datura Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 How old are you two now, and how long has this communication been going on?
Author BackingLines Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 How old are you two now, and how long has this communication been going on? Sorry I forgot to put that. I am 19 and she is 20. We met in February 4 years ago.
Datura Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Well the fact that she is bawling about this, and you think, at least in part, that it's stupid, may suggest she is overly hopeful in what could lie ahead, if anything, should you meet. So if her heart is too exposed, and you are a bit uncertain, it might be wise not to. This is something that ultimately needs to be discussed. Ask her what she is expecting, how she is going to take it if things don't work out (ask yourself the same thing). And don't give in to some idealistic answer such as, "Oh I just know we will get along." You both have to be realistic. You have to be prepared for the good, bad, and everything in between. No one can ever be fully prepared, but being aware of different scenarios taking place, and what course of action to take should one of them manifest is necessary. The number one question might be: is a long term relationship doable?
stepka Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 My nerves shattered when you told me that she has access to your paypal account. Why? If you were my son I'd beat your butt all the way around the block with a stick. That said, why not wait until you graduate from college and then go on over.
Author BackingLines Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 My nerves shattered when you told me that she has access to your paypal account. Why? If you were my son I'd beat your butt all the way around the block with a stick. That said, why not wait until you graduate from college and then go on over. That will be at least 3 years away. Maybe even 4 if i decide to redshirt. And she has used the account before since she doesn't have a credit card i gave her permission. And i also have personal information of hers. She would never use it maliciously. She isn't that kind of person at all.
Author BackingLines Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 Im wondering if this is a real question in the first place. It doest make scense that a person you never met has access to your paypal account. Its not like I keep all my money in a paypal account. I only use it for online purchases and i rarely purchase anything online. If you don't think its a real question then good for you but answer it like its a real question or don't answer at all. I am looking for advice not to be ridiculed.
musemaj11 Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Tell her to pay for the ticket and you will provide accommodation for as long as she is in the states. This is fair.
TaraMaiden Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Im wondering if this is a real question in the first place. It doest make scense that a person you never met has access to your paypal account. Its not like I keep all my money in a paypal account. I only use it for online purchases and i rarely purchase anything online. If you don't think its a real question then good for you but answer it like its a real question or don't answer at all. I am looking for advice not to be ridiculed. (Pay no attention, it's just spam. Look at the signature link.)
NoReallyThatHappened Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Tell her to pay for the ticket and you will provide accommodation for as long as she is in the states. This is fair. This seems totally reasonable. She buys the ticket. You provide the place to stay, food, etc. Since you have known her for four years I would think meeting in person wouldn't be that awkward. If you hit it off maybe one of you could do a study abroad. I've had friends that have done this and ended up married. It can work!
welikeincrowds Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 (Pay no attention, it's just spam. Look at the signature link.) But it is a valid question. OP is asking a financial decision -- should I pay for this ticket? He is expressing a bit of financial immaturity when he says things like "I don't want her to have to work to pay to see me" -- OP, when people need money to do the things they want to do, they have to work for it! The paypal account thing is the stake in the coffin. He may not realize, or think, that boundaries on your personal finances are important to enforce even when you don't have much money to speak of, but there are a million reasons for that to be the case. OP, before you do anything, change your password and keep your accounts to yourself. The bottom line is that it's in your name. If she purchases drugs with your account, you're the one the police are going to arrest. If she buys thousands of dollars worth of stuff tomorrow, your credit score is the one that's going to be affected, and it's going to suck when, 20 years from now, you can't mortgage a house with your wife because of a stupid thing that happened when you were 20. Next thing i would say is to keep the questions simple. Ask yourself how much money you'd be willing to spend to see her. Keep in mind that she is talking about a vacation overseas, a trip of her life. You'd be doing a lot for her just by offering a place to stay. Wouldn't you rather take any money you earn and travel to the UK yourself? How amazing would that be, and you'd get to see her! And if you both work, you can do both trips, and see each other twice. This is the reason to have money -- to spend it on stuff like this. I don't think you have the financial independence to blow a ton of money on something you won't personally be using (a plane ticket). Remember, simple terms. You'd be talking about a gift worth hundreds of dollars. In what situations do you feel it is appropriate to gift someone with something worth hundreds of dollars?
stepka Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Its not like I keep all my money in a paypal account. I only use it for online purchases and i rarely purchase anything online. If you don't think its a real question then good for you but answer it like its a real question or don't answer at all. I am looking for advice not to be ridiculed. I'm not ridiculing anyone. I'm a mother of 2 teenage girls and if I found out that they were sharing their personal financial info with a friend from overseas that they'd never met, I'd do to them what I threatened I'd do to you. Not to mention that I know people who've been approached by OL dates who asked for that kind of info or for the "loan" of a credit card number so they could get over here to see them. I have an idea--why don't you go tell your folks what you told us here and ask for their advice on how to approach this?
Author BackingLines Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 I'm not ridiculing anyone. I'm a mother of 2 teenage girls and if I found out that they were sharing their personal financial info with a friend from overseas that they'd never met, I'd do to them what I threatened I'd do to you. Not to mention that I know people who've been approached by OL dates who asked for that kind of info or for the "loan" of a credit card number so they could get over here to see them. I have an idea--why don't you go tell your folks what you told us here and ask for their advice on how to approach this? Wow. First of all did i say you were ridiculing me? No my post wasn't even aimed at you. Second of all why don't you just stop posting in my thread? You haven't made one useful post and its obvious to me you aren't going too. I am not your teen daughter. I have been working since i was 16 years old. In fact i spent every summer since i was 16 working 40 hours a week so i could buy myself clothes to go back to school in. I don't have parents who give a fuuck what i do with my life.
thehead Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 This seems totally reasonable. She buys the ticket. You provide the place to stay, food, etc. Since you have known her for four years I would think meeting in person wouldn't be that awkward. If you hit it off maybe one of you could do a study abroad. I've had friends that have done this and ended up married. It can work! I second this. You host, let her buy her own ticket, enjoy the time together and take it from there.
Author BackingLines Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 Said she doesn't want me to buy her a ticket. Said if i have the money to buy her a ticket that i should just by myself a ticket to come see her.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Don't you have a summer vacation? Even if you're in summer school isn't there usually a break between terms? I think you should meet. Also, that it's inappropriate for her to have access to your PayPal account, even though she probably is the nice stand-up girl you've come to know over the past 4 years.
stepka Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Wow. First of all did i say you were ridiculing me? No my post wasn't even aimed at you. Second of all why don't you just stop posting in my thread? You haven't made one useful post and its obvious to me you aren't going too. I am not your teen daughter. I have been working since i was 16 years old. In fact i spent every summer since i was 16 working 40 hours a week so i could buy myself clothes to go back to school in. I don't have parents who give a fuuck what i do with my life. Struck a nerve huh? Sorry to hear that but when you ask the public for input, you get what you get. It's funny that you come on here brand new and then start lashing out at members who are genuinely trying to help--seems I'm not the only one who got chewed here.
pilotDXB Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 That will be at least 3 years away. Maybe even 4 if i decide to redshirt. And she has used the account before since she doesn't have a credit card i gave her permission. And i also have personal information of hers. She would never use it maliciously. She isn't that kind of person at all. Get a booster to pay for her ticket. If cam newton got away with starting for auburn whilst his father took money from mississippi (if i recall), whats a plane ticket in the grand scheme of things. But seriously, you always have to be careful when it comes to online dating. That said, Why dont YOU go to see her so that youre in control of the situation.
Cee Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Said she doesn't want me to buy her a ticket. Said if i have the money to buy her a ticket that i should just by myself a ticket to come see her. She made an excellent suggestion. Go the UK. And if things click, she can visit next. Plus you'll have an interesting holiday.
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