Broken1975 Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 It all started when I went to him crying about breaking up with a BF who also happened to be his friend. He consoled me when I most needed a shoulder to cry on. We didnt start going out until a year after this incident. The beginning was good. He was still struggling with life though and money was not really at his disposal, me neither cause I was still at school. But the relationship blossomed nevertheless. An important factor, maybe this was the biggest mistake of my life, he was married but told me that things weren't working out with his wife and that he had an issue to settle then we would relocate and be together. I stupidly believed. Anyway, he was always with me. He spent most nights at my place and I believed it wasn't well between him and his wife. God always has a way of trying to deliever us out of what would end up causing misery in our lives but we need to search deep inorder to understand the signs. I got pregnant. two years down the line and guess what???? Yes you guessed right. He asked me to get rid of it. Reason he was still struggling with life and that he could not take care of us ( me n the unborn baby) and that he still had insurance issues with the wife that this pregnancy wold ruin everything should I decide to keep it. Moreover, he blantly told me that I should not think this pregnancy would tie him down to me. He went on and said that in two years, he would be ready to have a family. I was hurt but I did as he said, scared of loosing him. Moreover, the pregnancy also bled from the word go, I guess because of the psychological stress he was putting me through. Maybe I am trying to justify my action, but that was another reason despite the doctors advice to terminate the pregnancy. Here I am now two years down the line, he managed to get his act straight and has since relocated back to his home country, working with the government and I`m sure earning a decent living. In my own world he made me believe we are still going out. I have not seen him since last November and prior to that I can count the number of days we actually saw each other last year because he was trying to build a future for "US" in another country. The phone calls became less frequent always me making the effort to contact him and i attributed it to the stress he was going through. I didnt mind at first. Come this year, he has never called me, he is clever with words though. He knows how to manipulate me by always using the phrase " I am working for "our" future. I guess thats what kept me with him all this while. There is so much to this whole saga, I can write a whole book. But bottom line is that we hv not seen each other for the past seven months but he still wants me to believe we have a relationship. He doesnt call n when I`m lucky and he finally picks up my call, the most he can spare me is 1 min. He claims to be always busy and always shuttling from one meeting to the next. His plans have changed and all of a sudden his wife pays him more visits and he is not scared to letting me know. Please help me forget this man. I always knew something was amiss but was always trying to justify his faults. PS: we went out for "four years" but he never remembered my Bday. How stupid/ blinded was I?
Sassygirl2 Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Hi Broken, I am sorry you are hurting so. From reading your post it sounds like he has been stringing you along for some time. Of course you probably didn't see it at first but it sounds like you started to realize the truth after you got pregnant. I had a friend in a similiar situation and she just kept seeing the guy because he kept promising that they would be together. Eventually after a year of being lied to, she realized it wasn't going to happen, but it was heartbreaking for her. I suggest that you do not contact him anymore and if he calls or emails you, you HAVE to ignore him. You need to do this for your own sanity. It's going to be hard but there is a lot of good advice here on loveshack. We are here to listen and help. You are worth a lot more than having someone treat you like this. Stand up for yourself and let him go.
Author Broken1975 Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 (edited) I am trying to forget him. The best I do is four days without calling him then spend the fifth day relentlessy trying to contact him. Im due to begin a new job of Monday, I am so broken and depressed, I seriously don`t know if I will pull through. On the otherhand, I am so short of cash. Anyway, I am really crossing my fingers that i dont get tempted to call him. I think what I really want to hear from him are the words " its over, I have moved on do the same". Maybe that would make me realize that he really doesnt want me anymore. What beats me is why he still promises me heaven and earth and yet he clearly doesnt want me? Why the false hope and making my life stagnant? Why is he being so malicious? Crazy as it may sound I believe at one point he did love me. How could he continue doing this to me? Isn`t it better he just lets me know the truth cause thats the question to which he never responds. I am tempted to talk to his friend just to get some information. I know its a waste of time but the pain I am experiencing is pushing me to this lenght. Edited June 4, 2011 by Broken1975
Sassygirl2 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 You may never hear the words, "it's over" from him because he wants to keep you on the back burner. Going 4 days without contact is good! You should be proud that you can do this! Just keep adding the days as you go. THere are some really good threads on NC (no contact) and why it's important for you to heal. It really does work in your favor. I did the same thing as you with my exbf (calling him every week or something) and I just got hurt over and over because he just didn't care any more. I had to go Nc for myself so that I can get on with my life. I still feel like calling him often but I try to think of something else. It gets easier with every passing day. Do you read self-help books? I can recommend a couple that have really helped me! Maybe you can get them from the library? I will find the link for NC and post it on here for you. I think starting a new job will be good for you. It will be a new atmosphere and new people to work with. Don't flake on it. You will need this to get your mind off of him and for $$. Who knows, you may meet some really nice people! Hang in there!
Sassygirl2 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Here is the link to Caliguy's NC thread. It's very good and will help you. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ Let me know how your're doing!
Author Broken1975 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 Thanks for the tip. I was tempted to call and ended up calling his friend. I loved what he told me, believe you me it made me want to forget this guy so fast. I am even begining to take steps towards it. He said " girl, don`t put all your eggs in one basket". And I went like what do you mean ? he answered " you are a big girl you should draw your own conclusion. It hurt but I realised if his best friend could tell me this, then there is "no US no more" I still think of him and cry alot but I know time is a good healer.
Recommended Posts