Money & unhappiness?

[weaken]

I've been with my partner for years.

 

He's been in a rut with money. He isn't happy living here (He moved here for me, and now isn't in a great place financially).

 

He is moving back with his family within a month. He claims that everything will change, we'll be happy again and that he can spoil me there, take me on nice dates when he visits/comes back as he will have money again.

 

We often fight, and he has a bad attitude. He's a negative Nancy. He claims that he is always stressed, and unhappy and takes it out on me because he's unhappy with his financial situation. (Nobody else to take the stress and resentment on)

 

He doesn't attempt to get better work here, as he makes excuses that when he moves he will have it better off because it's all English. (I live in a French area, he is pure English)

 

It makes me so angry that he didn't even attempt to try at a life here. (Even makes sad excuses about refusing to use bus & metro )

 

He's the kind of guy who can't have a good time unless he has money. He won't go out and shop to look around, as he can't buy anything. He's rather anti social and doesn't like being in big groups of people either.

 

I on the other hand, don't need a ton of money to make me happy. I can go outside and sit in the grass and be happy as day. Just going for a walk in nature makes me ecstatic.

 

He doesn't do any of these things because he's too busy living like a hermit and complaining that he doesn't have money. He is in fantasy land thinking about how great it will be when he moves.

 

Men/Women, can lack of money really hurt the relationship this badly? Has anyone else been through this?

 

When you don't have money do you sometimes take your stress out on your partner? Do you get depressed

 

I don't feel the same way as he does, so it's hard to read him. Has anyone else been in a rut like this?

[carhill]

Sound to me more like different personalities. Classic 'cup half empty' versus 'cup half full'.

 

Yes, I've been through this. It was a partial contributor to the failure of my marriage. Simply put, my business and income languished while I was caregiving (for my mother) and my now exW, coming from a relatively impoverished background, expressed fear over money regularly, even though we continued to live quite comfortably. I had no such background and knew there would always be a way to continue and survive and thrive. All we do is adjust, kind of like you sitting in the grass for entertainment.

 

In her eyes, I failed, so she disconnected.

 

We were incompatible. I'm back to being *completely* happy now.

[alexlakeman]

Men/Women, can lack of money really hurt the relationship this badly? Has anyone else been through this?

 

When you don't have money do you sometimes take your stress out on your partner? Do you get depressed

 

I don't feel the same way as he does, so it's hard to read him. Has anyone else been in a rut like this?

 

Did he relocate without a job lined up?

 

Money DOES make you happy... it's stressful not having a job, it's stressful not being able to pay your bills on time, etc.. and in turn it affects everything / everyone around you.. Been there

[weaken]

Did he relocate without a job lined up?

 

Money DOES make you happy... it's stressful not having a job, it's stressful not being able to pay your bills on time, etc.. and in turn it affects everything / everyone around you.. Been there

 

He didn't have a job lined up. He also didn't get one as In Quebec French in most areas is needed. You cannot get a job if you can only speak English.

 

He has been using this as an excuse to not even bother. At one point he tried,

then he sunk into "no point, I hate french, I'm moving."

[daphne]

I'm sure it won't be easy but all you can do is let him go. He has to learn some of life's lessons on his own. There's not much you can do to hasten it or make it happen at all. He may realize he doesn't want to be without you, after all of this time. Who knows what will happen.

 

Be glad that you are a more positive person that gets it. But also understand, that from his point of view things aren't great because he doesn't feel productive or useful. Unemployment is not easy for anyone to go through, regardless of your positive attitude.

[weaken]

I haven't stopped him from moving, I am letting him do his own thing. He wants

to continue the relationship long distance. He later wants us both to move to a

English area.

 

I do hope that this move can change his attitude. When we first met, he had

a good job, and he was always in a smiley mood. Now it's like looking at a frown

24/7.

 

I have been feeling resentment towards him because he takes his stress on me,

and then brings me into his mood. If anything, I think that his move will do

some good on me too.

 

I like to keep happy, but I feel as if he brings me down.

 

I'm unsure if we will end up splitting or not due to other factors, but I do hope

that he gets what he's wanted.

[nothappyjan]

Have you thought about both moving to an english area- if you can arrange jobs beforehand? I dont need money to make me happy but i need enough money to feel safe and secure, that is very important to me

[daphne]

It sounds like you have a good attitude about teh move in general, and are unafraid of the potential results. If he brings you down, you'll now have time to reflect on whether you want to continue pursuing the relationship. Who knows. This could be a really good thing for the relationship, ultimately. You never know how a person will respond to change or absence.

[weaken]

We had originally planned to move to a English area together late on. He had planned to move back within a year.

 

If our relationship repairs and is strong by then, id have no problems moving.

 

The problem now is that I'm doubting the entire relationship due to his sour

attitude the last year. It's been constant up and down's for us. Happy one day,

angry the next.

 

It bothers me how over anti social he is, and how he chooses to live like a hermit opposed to taking a walk with me.

 

I've been convincing him to get out more before he moves, I can only hope he will for me. (Its not too much to ask is it?) If not, it's likely ill be happier without him.

[JungleLover]

It sounds familiar to me. I used to be in that situation. I didn't necessarily take it out on my ex-intentionally- but my negative attitude showed. I was fighting hard to get to a better place but my expenses kept adding up to get there. I didn't realize I was projecting such a negative attitude until two consecutive girlfriends complained about it. Hey, it's just hard when you try so hard and still come up living paycheck to in between the next pay check.

 

Thankfully, I am in a very good financial place now. It makes the world of difference. You won't find me in that sort of mood now. No more rut and all smiles now. So, yes, a financial rut can put you in a bad mood but the only difference with my case and his is that he doesn't seem to be trying hard enough. Not saying I am better than him or anything but I honestly was working my ass off to move towards more financial security.

 

I don't know about your man thinking that moving in with his parents will solve anything. Have you been on him real tough? If so, it may be adding to the pressure on him and he probably just want to get away for a moment from your watchful eye while he rebuilds himself.