Inflikted Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 About three years ago, I started college (well, community college), and got my first part time job, at a retail store. At the time, it was just supposed to be a transitional "phase". I was supposed to spend two years at community college, then transfer to a university and get a bachelors degree, and hopefully find a better job along the way. Three years later, I'm exactly where I started. I haven't left community college because I can't figure out where I want to go, career-wise, and I'm nowhere close to any particular degree (meaning I probably have a minimum of two more years of college ahead of me, probably more in order to get a bachelors degree). I'm still working the same cruddy part time job, and I HATE working in retail, but I don't have any qualifications to do anything better. Even if I quit my job, my only other options would probably be to work at some other store, and I'd probably be just as unhappy there. Besides, I need a regular paycheck to get by. I still live at home, with my parents, and while it's nice to have a stable place to live, it's just... frustrating. My mom and dad have major marital issues, and it stresses me out being around for it. But I have nowhere else to go. There's no one else I could live with, and I'd imagine getting a place of my own would cost far more than I make on a measly minimum wage, 15-20 hour work week. I technically have friends, but I'm not particularly close with them. I've never dated, or had a girlfriend, or anything like that. I suck at being open, being "myself", enough to connect with people. Heck, I can barely maintain a decent conversation like any normal person can. But deep down, I'm a very very lonely person. I just feel so completely empty. I feel like a shell of a person. The scary thing is, I don't know how to change any of these things. At my rate, I'll end up being a retail "lifer", with no degree, that never goes anywhere or does anything interesting or exciting, stays home alone on Friday and Saturday nights, never gets married, etc. I'm just sick of everything. I no longer feel like I have motivation. I don't feel like I'm moving forward. I'm even sick of the little things in life... I no longer have much interest in the hobbies I used to enjoy, even things like favorite foods, music, etc. It all just seems so meaningless. Most days, I never really even feel like doing much of anything. I just don't know what to do with myself, anymore.
Datura Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Maybe you should focus your attention toward things that can be changed as opposed to things that can't (and just because they "can't" be changed now, doesn't mean your future will be absent of such desires). Can you take a say, two month training class that will enable you to get a decent job a particular area of your interest, even if that interest isn't extreme? For the time being at least, so you will be out of retail and making better money? I don't know how to change any of these things.Have you tried anything at all? Engaging more with your friends, forcing yourself to something enjoyable, rather than throwing your hands in the air with an "I don't wanna." ? There's only so much advice to be given over the internet when you seem depressed.
Author Inflikted Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 Maybe you should focus your attention toward things that can be changed as opposed to things that can't (and just because they "can't" be changed now, doesn't mean your future will be absent of such desires). I guess... I think I sort of feel like I've been waiting for the next "stage" to come along for so long, now, and it's still not here, and I'm tired of this current "stage". As for the here and now, I guess I'm just unsure of what can and can't currently be changed, for me. Can you take a say, two month training class that will enable you to get a decent job a particular area of your interest, even if that interest isn't extreme? For the time being at least, so you will be out of retail and making better money? I dunno, honestly, I'm not even sure how to go about finding something like that. Have you tried anything at all? Engaging more with your friends, forcing yourself to something enjoyable, rather than throwing your hands in the air with an "I don't wanna." ? I find myself in a kind of confusing position, as far as friends go. You can sort of break most of my friends into two specific groups -- one group is a couple of years younger than me, and they're still in the more "wild" party phase, while the other group is 2-3 years older than me, and a bit more settled down. I've never been the crazy party type, so spending more time with the first group seems very unappealing, but the second group is mostly made up of people who are married, engaged, or otherwise in committed relationships, and the things they do are more "couple"-y, so I'd kinda feel awkward spending more time with them, sort of like a third wheel. I just don't know where I fit in, in all this, yanno? There's only so much advice to be given over the internet when you seem depressed. I guess, but what other options do I have? Seeing a specialist would probably cost a fair bit of money, money that I don't really have. To my knowledge, I don't think my community college has any free therapy. So, I kinda have to just deal with it myself, and coming to forums like this makes it a little easier, since other people can weigh in.
Datura Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I guess, but what other options do I have? Seeing a specialist would probably cost a fair bit of money, money that I don't really have. To my knowledge, I don't think my community college has any free therapy. So, I kinda have to just deal with it myself, and coming to forums like this makes it a little easier, since other people can weigh in. A workbook: Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel By Changing The Way You Think
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