Sometimes I feel like LS posters dont give each other enough support

[getsback]

Guys

 

Does anyone else sometimes feel like we could maybe give each other more support?

 

I know a lot of us post regular and do our best to help when we can. But sometimes I look at threads and see maybe 100 people have read it and only 1 person has responded.

 

I'm only bringing this up because when I was at my lowest point, the people on this forum really really helped me a lot. And sometimes I feel guilty because I don't feel I am doing enough to help others.

 

I know some threads don't need multiple replies saying the same thing. But sometimes it makes people feel better if they know their are plenty of people trying to help.

 

Just my opinion of course.

[Chi townD]

Well, it depends. When I read some threads and the subject isn't something that I've personally deal with in my past or if I don't have a lot of experience in the matter, then I usually don't post and I leave it to someone that would be more qualified to give better advice than what I could give.

[radiodarcy]

i know what you mean. i rarely ever post threads of my own but of the few that i did - - i found that while several people looked at it - - only one person replied to one thread and no one replied to the other. which pretty much discouraged me from posting anything of my own.

 

that being said, i do find that reading other people's responses to posts has helped me a great deal. there are so many situation on here that tend to mirror my own; so i don't really need to start my own threads to get the support that i need.

 

being technologically inept, i'm not sure how the counter works - - but it may be possible that the people who are looking at these threads aren't LS members but rather people just passing through. if that's the case, that would explain why the views are so high while the actual responses are much lower.

[RuinedLife]

I agree with you the more support we give each other the better.

 

I think its just hard for people sometimes when they are so lost in their own situation, especially at the beginning of a break up.

 

I myself have been really depressed and despairing for the last 3 months and I have moments where I feel a little better, but I am struggling so much with my own low self esteem, self hatred etc, I don't really feel strong enough to offer others wise support at the moment. I can relate, but I feel like I can't offer very good advice at this stage and I worry I might say the wrong thing.

 

I really wish there were 'Break Up Support Groups' we could go to in real life though, I think that would really help a lot of us if we were able to talk to each other in person and share our experiences, as that way we could better relate to each other as real people who are going through real situations. As it can be difficult to truly relate to how another is feeling through text based messages alone.

 

However, I'm still glad we can come here to share our experiences. Every post I've read on here has been a real comfort to me . Knowing you are not alone, people out there are going through similar things and care about you really helps in lonely times like this.

[Lilmisus]

If I feel I have something to say, I say it. If I feel that I can't help the person at all, or anymore than others have, I just don't say anything and move on to the next thread.

 

But you have to realize, there are a bunch of people here that respond...but there are a whole bunch more who just "lurk" on here, who never post (probably don't even have an account), and who just read the stories when they are bored. I probably wouldn't have thought that there were that many here that do that, if it weren't for all the stories I've read that have started off with "Hey guys! Though this is my first thread I've posted, I've been around LS for a long time just reading the stories..if you could help me out, my story is..."

 

If all those people who just are lurkers here (and count for a majority of the "reads" on a thread) put their 2 cents in where and when it mattered..then there wouldn't be an issue of "100 reads...1 comment" on half the stories here...I'm sure of it.

[carhill]

OP, you shared your experiences and it appears other members have responded to each of your threads, which essentially revolve around your fiance leaving you. I'd say you've received a good response, and from some well-respected community members.

 

My best advice is to see LS as a resource; a place to discuss; a place to learn. Real life friends are where healthy support and hugs come from. Cyber hugs and affirmation are nice, but the grief of loss is real, and so should the physical response to that. That's what real life friends and family are for, to share the happiness and the pain.

 

Hope things work out

[WTRanger]

The main reasons I don't reply to a thread.

 

1) The poster used moronic text lingo for the whole thread or large parts. Take the time to spell "you", it's just three letters. If you don't have that time, neither do I.

 

2) The post has no punctuation or logical sentence order making it hard to read. There are also no easy breaks in the paragraphs, it's just a sea of text. Again, no time to format, no time for me to respond.

 

3) The post is just too damn long, too many details, and too confusing. I know you want to give us everything, but you've got to make it short and to the point. You can add detail as the responses come in.

 

You also have to remember that most people just check the first few threads or just the first page of threads. So if you are posting during the day and it's a busy day, your thread may be quickly lost in the responses and new threads. If you feel that you need a response, it's okay to reply in your own thread asking for advice. Just don't do the bump bump bump bump, or bump it only after it has been posted for a few hours.

[carhill]

Along the lines of WTRanger, I generally will not respond to an OP which:

 

1. Has a wall of text without punctuation or paragraphs

 

2. Is 'text-speak', like what people today type out on phones/PDA's

 

3. Is incomprehensible

 

I peruse threads on LS by hitting the 'new posts' link at the top of the page, so I see threads in all forums. I also see which posters are cross-posting. Once a day I will hit the 'no replies' link and review those posts who haven't seen a reply and provide one, as appropriate.

[getsback]

OP, you shared your experiences and it appears other members have responded to each of your threads, which essentially revolve around your fiance leaving you. I'd say you've received a good response, and from some well-respected community members.

 

My best advice is to see LS as a resource; a place to discuss; a place to learn. Real life friends are where healthy support and hugs come from. Cyber hugs and affirmation are nice, but the grief of loss is real, and so should the physical response to that. That's what real life friends and family are for, to share the happiness and the pain.

 

Hope things work out

 

Yeah that's what I was saying, I got some great advice and responses to my threads.

 

I was thinking more of the people that don't get my advice at all.

 

I agree with one of the other posters to an extent. I think some people don't get advice because they write huge posts or use poor grammer. But I sometimes I do see posts on here where people are in a desperately dark place and sometimes nobody says anything.

 

Just makes me feel bad for them that's all.

[PelicanPete]

Yea I have to agree with WTRanger.. If it's just a intimidating wall of broken english and irrelevant details it makes it harder to get a good foothold on the key points. Grammar doesn't have to be perfect [i know mine isn't ] but as long as people make an effort I'm at least willing to read it over.

 

Otherwise like Chi townD said, if I feel I can't add anything worth while I just don't post.

[Lilmisus]

Along the lines of WTRanger, I generally will not respond to an OP which:

 

1. Has a wall of text without punctuation or paragraphs

 

2. Is 'text-speak', like what people today type out on phones/PDA's

 

3. Is incomprehensible

 

I peruse threads on LS by hitting the 'new posts' link at the top of the page, so I see threads in all forums. I also see which posters are cross-posting. Once a day I will hit the 'no replies' link and review those posts who haven't seen a reply and provide one, as appropriate.

 

I do that sometimes too. Most of the threads I respond to, are the ones that have little or no responses, and the ones that have been here for a few hours already, that most have obviously ignored. Others, are those who I have responded to in the past, or who make it a point to almost always respond to my posts when I need the help. You give help, you receive it, for the most part.

 

It seems like a majority of repliers here though, sometimes focus on the threads that are most popular, and the ones that have debates going on in them, or the ones that are most dramatic (one goal, anyone?) Those, I typically stay away from.

[carhill]

I was thinking more of the people that don't get my <any> advice at all.

 

Simple solution. Click on that 'no replies' link I mentioned and make their day

[Cee]

Sometimes it helps if you bump your thread. I've responded to a poster when they made a follow up in their thread asking for help.

 

Also, some subforums are less active than others. For example, the friends forum is mostly crickets. It's better to post where it has the most traffic, but still relevant.

[alrighty_then]

Guys

 

Does anyone else sometimes feel like we could maybe give each other more support?

 

I know a lot of us post regular and do our best to help when we can. But sometimes I look at threads and see maybe 100 people have read it and only 1 person has responded.

 

I'm only bringing this up because when I was at my lowest point, the people on this forum really really helped me a lot. And sometimes I feel guilty because I don't feel I am doing enough to help others.

 

I know some threads don't need multiple replies saying the same thing. But sometimes it makes people feel better if they know their are plenty of people trying to help.

 

Just my opinion of course.

 

 

I have been reading on here for 3-4 months. I finally posted my own story on here yesterday under the Second Chances section. It's only been 24 hours, but I think it said around 150 views, and only one member named 'Exit' responded.

 

Don't get me wrong, his response was a good one and I appreciated it a lot. I kind of expected more though. I guess sometimes when people see a long story, they don't want to take the time.

[alrighty_then]

The main reasons I don't reply to a thread.

 

1) The poster used moronic text lingo for the whole thread or large parts. Take the time to spell "you", it's just three letters. If you don't have that time, neither do I.

 

2) The post has no punctuation or logical sentence order making it hard to read. There are also no easy breaks in the paragraphs, it's just a sea of text. Again, no time to format, no time for me to respond.

 

3) The post is just too damn long, too many details, and too confusing. I know you want to give us everything, but you've got to make it short and to the point. You can add detail as the responses come in.

 

You also have to remember that most people just check the first few threads or just the first page of threads. So if you are posting during the day and it's a busy day, your thread may be quickly lost in the responses and new threads. If you feel that you need a response, it's okay to reply in your own thread asking for advice. Just don't do the bump bump bump bump, or bump it only after it has been posted for a few hours.

 

 

When I posted mine, I knew it was a lot, but I tried to bullet point the main facts up top, then go into detail for those who cared to read on. I figured giving the details would help. Everyone has a different situation, some more simple than others, some more complicated. I think mine was more on the complicated side, which is why I wrote a lot.

[usabup]

I have been reading on here for 3-4 months. I finally posted my own story on here yesterday under the Second Chances section. It's only been 24 hours, but I think it said around 150 views, and only one member named 'Exit' responded.

 

Don't get me wrong, his response was a good one and I appreciated it a lot. I kind of expected more though. I guess sometimes when people see a long story, they don't want to take the time.

 

Yeah that's what is frustrating isn't it, 150 views and only one reply. But I think like another couple of posters have said, sometimes its people that arnt members that are reading it.

[carhill]

Also, robots crawl the site, which is where some of the spam comes from. IME, each unique source view clicks the counter. Doesn't matter whether it's human-directed or software-directed.

 

OP, sometimes it's better to give an overview, then add more material as opinion is offered and questions are asked. Less overwhelming.

[sinnister]

People here r not all supportive. Don't get it twisted...you deal with a lot of hurt, rejection, projection and deflection here. There's good and bad days for people and they're dealing with a lot a pain.. Again, it takes a lot to give when you don't have any left..although it's doing the reverse for my spirits. I really hope your recovery is fast and you find someone that loves you as much as you're capable of loving back. That's all you can ask or know.

[Sassygirl2]

I would agree that there are a few LS'ers on here that are just downright rude. Almost every response from them is demeaning and hurtful. I don't like to see that when people are really hurting and need advice. It's OK to be honest but one can do it in a more tactful way.

 

I also don't read the posts that have poor grammar and spelling or are really long. (I'm one to talk, I've made the mistake myself of writing too much!)

[Billie The Puppet]

It's hard to reply to everyone's thread for starters

 

In my very own thread I had no replies then one day out of the blue someone replied to it when it was buried deep in the forums pages. I was surprised because it wasn't even within the first 10 pages anymore.

 

The reply was disappointing saying it was just a huge wall of text.

No paragraph form etc.

 

The reply was completely accurate. I did a rewrite in a structured paragraph form and believe and that made it easier for some. Thing is I still had given too much detail. To be honest I think that first reply was from someone who had read my replies to others threads and wanted to read the history of my story. So building interest also helps

 

Truth is smaller threads based on the topic at hand with only relevant important details in a structured form and sorry to say an eye grabbing subject line will get me into the thread and read it. If I feel like I have something to add I will reply.

 

I've also noticed those seeking advice lately seem to ask those replying not to reply with x x being , move on, go NC etc, basically requesting replies supporting the opposite view. These types tend to be the types who want to win their ex back and don't want to hear about methods of healing that have absolutely no focus on ones ex.

[oldguy]

This is a good example of reading responses that have covered what I would have said.

 

Other times the old saying comes to mind; "it is better to remain silent & thought of as the fool than to open your mouth & remove all doubt".

 

...And to be honest there are some openings that need to be organized into chapters or are at best wild ramblings that resemble more of a personal journal than are looking for a response.