pd8mxq Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 Hi again, just to answer your query about people moving on. Yes basically, i know some couple move on with other people and got back together. The longest I heard of took the couple 7 years. Both lived the separate life for 7 years and eventually got back. So thats for your reference.
Johnny85 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 (edited) You HAVE to move one. Unless you are part of the minority, your situation will not change until you move on and focus on yourself. This is difficult, certainly one of the most difficult things I have gone through, but the longer you hold on to that little virtue we like to call hope, the worse you will feel for a longer period of time. Let her go; don't contact her, just move on! As long as the other guy is in the picture, there is absolutely nothing you can do. You are powerless over her decision not to be with you. The only person you have any control over is yourself. Once you reach that stage, you will get your confidence back, the reason why she fell in love with you in the first place. Good luck! Edited June 11, 2011 by Johnny85 f
Author dj_x2c Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Johnny85 lol I know this and only recently have I tried. What I fear is that she did jump into it with this guy VERY hurt. She is still hurt to this day, missing me, loving me etc etc. Counting out what he is doing (sends her flowers, laying it thick, overly nice etc etc), I know she is doing this out of pain and want. They seen each other 12 days for over the past month and two weeks they been together and are in love. I know my ex better than that lol. But you are right, I have seen now that in order to obtain what I had I too have to let go. What scares me is that now that I have (well let go as much as I can, true love always holds on to a little something) I am afraid I might push her out of my mind, where as she jumped into something without clearing hers. So when the time comes down the road I won't be there and have to deal with that. But chances are slim to be honest of that happening so no worries there. But everyone has told me that I need to fix and better myself first before I can get her back. Anyone I have seen can get an ex or ex husband back. Its really the truth but nobody ever goes about it right. Thats where I decided to take the hard way and do NC, better myself etc etc. Its odd for me to not have contacted her in any way. I'm sure she is thinking of me right now even with this guy. As far as he is concerned we all know what he did was wrong, we know its a rebound etc etc. But that doesn't matter anymore and yes he may be in the picture, but I am in some way shape or form. Thanks to all the good advice I have gotten I see now that self improvement, letting go, and dealing with the pain is a quicker way back into her heart. No more down posts on my FB, no more calling, no more begging, no texting NOTHIN! I have taken this and turned it into a positive. I look at pictures and think "Oh god never again" but then it hits me that these memories are ones I couldn't replace with someone else and if I feel this way then so does she. The more I look back, the more I see that there is a great chance of having her back. I want her back, I need her back, but maybe I too need to take the time until then to see the world some while being careful along the way (i.e. condoms haha). Anyone who is going through this or just started I'm telling you. Space, time, self improvement, and patience are the key. Even if they love another man you can still have the upper hand with time (I have 4 years).
Author dj_x2c Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 P.S. as a word of advice to anyone, never move in on someone hurt. Having to watch someone do that creates a hate I can't explain. Its just like a thief only they do it in front of you and you can't do anything about it. I'm sure he may have some good qualities but hearing who he is (she has explained flaws) and knowing he moved in on her while she was hurt, that is just a low blow. She is just as wrong for letting him in yes, but a real gentleman helps a lady with her situation, not to cause issues for it.
Author dj_x2c Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Update....Well its sort of painful and I have been over a week on No Contact. But word has gotten to me how happy right now she really is. She does really believe she is in love with the guy, she thinks we are done done (for good, ever, never happening), she is happier than she has ever been etc etc. I on the other hand have sort of met someone. Where as she jumped into something (I still see it as hurt and a rebound), I have taken the time to deal with it and sadly found someone else who is willing to get to know me. Whether its just a short thing or develops into something else (who knows), I just cannot sit around anymore and wait for her to realize that everything was done backwards. Yes I believe this guy has a dark side she hasn't yet. Yes I think he is a coward, scum, and all around douche for what he did. I also don't buy this gentleman act he is putting up (gentleman don't steal a girl who is hurt, period, zip, no way). But he is doing something I am not being given the chance to do. I can't send her flowers everyday (actually he has done that from what I know of around 8 times), I can't buy her expensive things, and I can't brag about her and talk about her all the time if I can't be given the chance. This guy is playing all the right cards so far on the rebound, forbidding her to ever talk to me as well. I know she still hurts, I know she isn't really over it (again research) but knowing she is sleeping with him, saying I love you, and jumping this fast into something else I just can't take the pain anymore. The person I have met actually thinks what I am doing is great. So far its been pretty easy and we both got out of really long relationships. I'm not on the rebound here but were both going slow at this. Maybe one day I can come back and say "Hey I was wrong, I got my girl back and its better than ever it can happen" but for now I am just going to say that we may want it to work. I'm sure deep down somewhere in her she still wants me in some way, maybe hopes for it. But with the way it looks, second chances just don't happen. And how someone can throw 4 years away over something so small makes me wonder if she even loved me in the first place.....
pd8mxq Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Disagree with you there mate. She loved you of course she does, if she didnt, why would she spend 4 years with you? Time changed your lives and it did not work out. It is very unfortunate but you cannot say she didnt love you. Secondly, you are entitled to be angry... but not with the new bf of hers. Because it is not his fault that they are together. He did not STEAL your ex. YOur ex left you and then met him afterwards. Maybe this guy is genuinely nice. Why are you so bother that he is just using her, then he can sleep with her and then get lost when he has enough fun.....maybe he likes her deeply and wants to develop something there. So he is entitled to chase a single woman right? No matter how hurt the woman is, as long as she is single, he is entitled to chat her up if your ex agrees. Even if he is a rubbish guy, i.e. just wants to sleep with your ex., I am sorry to say but its not yr life anymore. you are angry because u r scared that yr ex might get hurt. Well, if she does eventually, its her problem. She chose it! and you know what, that plays t your card if this guy is really as rubbish as who you think he is. because eventually, they will breakup, and your ex will then see how mch of a nice guy you are. But hey, u met someone, dont wait then. your ex didnt ask you to wait. If in time, she becomes single, its just her lost. hope it goes well
iceweasel6 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Dude, you need to let her go and no contact. Not to win her back, but to gather yourself in a positive healthy way. Your behavior is desperate (checking facebook, posting photos). Seriously...you may not want to hear this from another dude, but why would you want to be in the picture with a confused ex who's sleeping with another dude? Fix you first. By fixing you, your circumstances will change. Do it not to get her back, but for you to learn, grow and heal. At the end, you may want her back - and you know what I say - you will be prepared to act in an appropriate manner to give yourself a fighting chance. But right now, your in no condition to think clearly, act appropriately or make decisions. Your reacting to her needs and not your own. Women can smell that a mile away. Someone posted that she's using you to get over you, that may be true, and if it is, is that your goal? Because talking to her, spending time with her, your helping her heal. 1. Tell her how you feel about her 2. Tell her why you feel this way 3. Tell her what your going to do 4. Tell her why your going to do it Tell her you need time apart to take care of you and to understand your relationship, and you won't be contacting her during this period as you sort things out. Use short succinct sentence that leaves no ambiguity. She should understand what's going on. Take your time - at least 2 months. Surround yourself with positive people. See a counselor if needed. Make new friends. Reflect on the relationship. At the end, you will know that what you want to do.
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