wreckedhero Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 She hasnt called me or texted me yet like she said she would. This would be our first contact face to face in 6 weeks after the breakup.I am the dumpee by the way. So should I contact her asking her if she is coming or not, or is it her responsibility to contact me as it was her idea to meet up and not mine. I am seething I tell you. I wanted to go no contact but recently we have decided to remain friends, but I'm thinking that she's messing with my head and she will try and pin the blame on me for not contacting her. Well she would be the one coming to see me. I am thinking that if she doesnt text to even say sorry I cant make it that that's it between us. It's just a common courtesy. What does everyone think I should do.
Author wreckedhero Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 It's nearly 5 o clock by the way so the day is nearly over.
Kilty Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I think you know the answer deep down Keep the power and your self respect - no matter how much you want to vent. Total NC - forget she even mentioned coming
MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 She hasnt called me or texted me yet like she said she would. This would be our first contact face to face in 6 weeks after the breakup.I am the dumpee by the way. So should I contact her asking her if she is coming or not, or is it her responsibility to contact me as it was her idea to meet up and not mine. I am seething I tell you. I wanted to go no contact but recently we have decided to remain friends, but I'm thinking that she's messing with my head and she will try and pin the blame on me for not contacting her. Well she would be the one coming to see me. I am thinking that if she doesnt text to even say sorry I cant make it that that's it between us. It's just a common courtesy. What does everyone think I should do. She has no respect for you she just wante dto make sur ethat you're where she needs you to be (still at her beckon call)...go NC odn't expect or even want an apology...go NC and leave it that way.
Author wreckedhero Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 Thankyou I don't expect an apology. I did tell her I was going out tonight which I am but it was her idea to come and spend the day with me and she has texted me a few times to ask whether we can go for a drink since the end of the relationship. Well I'm not having it. To think I thought a reconciliation was on the cards. Oh well I wont be contacting her again after this charade. Just to confirm even though I am a male it is not an unwritten rule that I have to contact her first on the day is it? It was her idea and she is the one coming to see me. No contact sounds good but what do I do if she texts saying we can do it another day? Do I just ignore her? Then I will get a text a couple of days later saying I am sulking as she is predictable like that.
Author wreckedhero Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 Oh and she asked me to get flowers delivered for her mum for her birthday. This was on Monday night and then on Tuesday morning she texted me saying it didnt matter anymore. I think she's using me to boost her ego.
vsmini Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 She wanted you to get flowers for her mom? What? Yea - I came out of hiding, aka NC, (stupidly) after my ex wanted to meet up for a friendly date and then cancelled last minute on me. My emotions got the best of me and I nose-dived into a 2-day depression and basically errased all the hard work 60+days of NC had done to me. Learned my lesson - stuck my hand back in the fire and got burned. Keep up NC.
Author wreckedhero Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 It's not exactly hard to say I cant make it today sorry. Why just not contact at all? Its absolutely childish and ignorant. I've stayed in all day because I thought we would be going out somewhere so I have wasted a day at home. Oh and the flowers were because she was at work on Tuesday morning so needed someone to go and get them for her.
Kilty Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 It is important that you keep your emotions in check for the next contact. As i said earlier - you forget that she was even coming today. If she does mention it you say something along the lines of "i never heard from you so assumed you werent coming so made other plans" That is all If she mentions meeting again you just blandly say ok and take it with a pinch of salt and see what happens - but expect the same scenario. I'll say again - it is important you keep your emotions in check at this point and do not fly off the handle or give the impression you care - even though you do. The phrase - the power lies with the one who needs the relationship the least - has never been more apt in this case. At the moment she has it - now up to you
geegirl Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 You can't be friends with someone you are still emotional about. And if you think you are able to handle it, then you wouldn't be confused and disturbed about her actions. Why would you even want to meet her and derail your progress? Get emotionally and mentally indifferent before you seek friendship with an ex. Anything other than that is never going to be healthy for you. If it was a normal friend and he did this to you, you wouldn't be coming to Loveshack asking for advice as to why he treated you that way. Don't delude yourself into thinking you can handle "friends" just because there is some part of you that still has hope or still wants a foot in her door. Stay NC.
vsmini Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 She dumped you and you're running errands for her? Why are you doing favors for her? Heck - I'd stay friends with the guy I dumped too - if he were willing to do favors for me. Oh- actually I wouldn't...because I'm a girl with integrity and wouldn't take advantage of my ex, his feelings or this new-found "friendship" we had. She's a creep.
Author wreckedhero Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 True I wanted to be friends as there was still some part of me that thought a reconciliation could be on the cards but thank you for your advice everybody. Going to go no contact now. A normal friend wouldnt do that to you anyway. They would text you to say they couldnt make it and that would be the end of it. No emotional explosions or anger. Well I dont want to be friends so I am going no contact. It's predictable what she will say anyway as I know how she operates "oh you didnt text me so I thought you didnt want to do anything" Well I can't be arsed with it to be honest. Done. Finito.
Author wreckedhero Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 Still quite hurt and angry. No text to even say sorry cant make it is disgusting
geegirl Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Still quite hurt and angry. No text to even say sorry cant make it is disgusting Why would she say sorry? It's most likely you've enabled her to disrespect you whenever she wants to so she does it again. She even made you her errand boy and you complied. Don't expect an apology from someone who treats you this way. It's not within them to behave with integrity and honesty. Remember these hurtful episodes and hold on to your anger. The next time she dangles the carrot, you know not to try and bite. She knows that you'll always bite, so she does as she pleases. It'll be your turn to take control the next time she tries to pull this stunt again.
Author wreckedhero Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 Silly question but how do you take control in this instance? Just by not replying?
vsmini Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Exactly - NC. Keep in mind you need to worry about controlling YOURSELF....NC is not to be used to control or manipulate others. When she comes back with any text or call just ignore it.
radiodarcy Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 if it was her idea to get together it is her responsibility to contact you to discuss the details. gender has nothing to do with it - - it's common courtesy. she has shown total disregard for your time. don't allow her to waste anymore of it by replying to anything she says.
TaraMaiden Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 This thread is actually quite distressing. If ever a guy came over as the complete epitome of a doormat - you are it. I'm so sorry, but you really do have to man up, drag yourself up by your bootstraps and get you some big load of dignity, self-respect and backbone, and kick her to the kerb, pronto, no messing. No contact. Complete, total, unequivocal and right across the board, no ifs buts or maybes.....!
geegirl Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Silly question but how do you take control in this instance? Just by not replying? Yes, when I say you take control it means you stick to NC and control the situation for YOU so that you don't get yourself in these situations with her again.
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