kerridge Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Would you as a MM be able to have an affair (strictly physical) with a MW, both parties agreeing they dont want to break up their home life or families continue to have sex with a women without emotions coming into play? This has been occuring for aproximately a year. So it wouldnt be considered a ONS but kinda a FWB.There is a comfort level with each other and a sharing of sexual desires and fantasies... Just wondering how men are able to seperate it easier then women? Can an emotional bond be created with that comfort level through just sex for a man? (if wife obviously isnt doing it at home) Please give your comments and thoughts.. much appreciated..
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Would you as a MM be able to have an affair (strictly physical) with a MW, both parties agreeing they dont want to break up their home life or families continue to have sex with a women without emotions coming into play? This has been occuring for aproximately a year. So it wouldnt be considered a ONS but kinda a FWB.There is a comfort level with each other and a sharing of sexual desires and fantasies... Just wondering how men are able to seperate it easier then women? Can an emotional bond be created with that comfort level through just sex for a man? (if wife obviously isnt doing it at home) Please give your comments and thoughts.. much appreciated.. It isn't a FWB. It's an affair. FWB is between two single people.. Men are able to separate it easily because they are able to have "just" sex and have it mean nothing. And yes, an emotional bond can happen as well, if he let's himself feel something. Don't fool yourself into thinking he never has sex with his wife. Maybe you aren't with your H, but don't assume he isn't.
BB07 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 My guess is the op got into an affair thinking it was a FWB thing and now she is attached emotionally and he says he isn't but she HOPES that he is......
East7 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) My guess is the op got into an affair thinking it was a FWB thing and now she is attached emotionally and he says he isn't but she HOPES that he is...... I think the same ! OP, FWB..? Are you kidding? That's a plain A, FWB is between two single people who are not cheating anyone. Edited June 3, 2011 by East7
Author kerridge Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 I think the same ! OP, FWB..? Are you kidding? That's a plain A, FWB is between two single people who are not cheating anyone. ok to clarify.... Yes there is NO question this is an affair.. and no one cares if either party is having sex with their spouse.. the question was could the man have sex for over a year with a women and not be somewhat connected to the women thru a sort of sexual bond?.. ..they are obviously using each other for their own benefit.
Author kerridge Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 this isnt about love.... they are not in love with each other... lust maybe but im not sure how much clearer the question can be.. yes men can have sex with no emotion and seperate it.. but i suppose maybe it should be worded different How many men could have sex for over a year with a women and not be bonded through sex or have a bond? it would be like a robot having sex with another robot.. how many of you men can do that? like robots and not get feelings involved..
carhill Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 could the man have sex for over a year with a women and not be somewhat connected to the women thru a sort of sexual bond?Yes, it is possible and very instructive about the psychology of the man. Up to you whether or not you find that to be compatible. how many of you men can do that? like robots and not get feelings involved.. IME, it's not possible for myself, but I have met some women who can. I don't date or have sex with men so don't have any experiences with men outside of my own perspective as an OM/MM.
Gentlegirl Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 That there is a bond? I think some men can have sex and more sex and not get involved. Others can't....just like women. I know women who have 2 or 3 different sexual partners and not get involved with any of them. What I think can develop, is the craving and the addiction to the whole scenario. It's like cigarettes or alcohol... just have to have that kick. HOpe that helps but I don't think it's one size fits all. Gentlegirl
Flabbergaster Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 The fact that you're asking causes me to think that you (or someone you know) are feeling emotions, and feeling emotional pain. Knowing that he has emotions would be...validation for that pain. Or you're wondering what to expect from 'people you know' in that situation. It depends on the man, and his opinion of the woman. It also depends on the regularity of the sex, and the regularity of the non-sexual contact. If this is a once a month thing with little communication beyond that...most men would be able to just get a power trip. If it is a weekly thing with contact a few times a week...most men are going to feel emotions. I wouldn't be able to do that without developing emotions. For me, the emotions developed through looking at her face, pictures, and talking. The sex was...about sex. As the emotions developed the sex got more emotional. I think the amount of 'nonsexual contact' would be an important factor for most men, when considering how emotions develop. In general we can compartmentalize 'orgasm' as separate from 'love' better than woman. In my experience (and that of others here, and others i know irl), for men and women the transition from 'just friends' to 'emotional bond' happens before you realize it. You're emotionally attached well before you realize it. fwb...in an affair...lasting a year...yeah that's a funny joke...except it's not funny to be involved with it. My hopes for resolution with the least amount of pain, to the involved parties.
oldguy Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 (edited) Would you as a MM be able to have an affair (strictly physical) with a MW, both parties agreeing they dont want to break up their home life or families continue to have sex with a women without emotions coming into play? This has been occuring for aproximately a year. So it wouldnt be considered a ONS but kinda a FWB.There is a comfort level with each other and a sharing of sexual desires and fantasies... Just wondering how men are able to seperate it easier then women? Can an emotional bond be created with that comfort level through just sex for a man? (if wife obviously isnt doing it at home) Please give your comments and thoughts.. much appreciated.. I sounds like this perfectly "innocent" affair has become complicated after a year. The simple answer to the original question is; yes. Just the thrill of the affair is often all it takes at times. Of course this sort of person also tends to be an habitual cheater as well. In essence; if someone will cheat on their SO they will cheat on you too.So if it's a long term relationship you want now you have most likely made a second poor choice. The first of course was entering into a relationship with a MM or MW. This is why I have trouble understanding people who take what they believe is the liberal high ground & dismiss or ignore someones past. People do change but until they have shown change they are linked to there past. This is why we have credit scores. Cheating on a SO is a clear indication of a personality trait. If they do it with you they'll do it to you. The problem is; we all want to believe we are special, the truth is; it has nothing to do with what kind of person you are, it has more to do with what kind of person they are. Edited June 4, 2011 by oldguy
Author kerridge Posted June 4, 2011 Author Posted June 4, 2011 The fact that you're asking causes me to think that you (or someone you know) are feeling emotions, and feeling emotional pain. Knowing that he has emotions would be...validation for that pain. Or you're wondering what to expect from 'people you know' in that situation. It depends on the man, and his opinion of the woman. It also depends on the regularity of the sex, and the regularity of the non-sexual contact. If this is a once a month thing with little communication beyond that...most men would be able to just get a power trip. If it is a weekly thing with contact a few times a week...most men are going to feel emotions. I wouldn't be able to do that without developing emotions. For me, the emotions developed through looking at her face, pictures, and talking. The sex was...about sex. As the emotions developed the sex got more emotional. I think the amount of 'nonsexual contact' would be an important factor for most men, when considering how emotions develop. In general we can compartmentalize 'orgasm' as separate from 'love' better than woman. In my experience (and that of others here, and others i know irl), for men and women the transition from 'just friends' to 'emotional bond' happens before you realize it. You're emotionally attached well before you realize it. fwb...in an affair...lasting a year...yeah that's a funny joke...except it's not funny to be involved with it. My hopes for resolution with the least amount of pain, to the involved parties. You pretty much hit the nail on the head. It is my bf of 20 years.. And she says it works for them.. However i see her and she is not her same old self she used to be. She is not able to make this a piece of her life and claims that is all it is..is a piece..She cant see what im seeing.. Im trying to get input so i can understand.. I think she is in denial if she thinks he cares, well i dont think he doesnt care.. but think she wants more contact and he keep that arm up.. So its gotten complicated.. and im trying to shed some light why she needs this sort of validation.. she is always saying he cares about me ect.. and what we have.. (which is a hook up) I suppose i should keep my nose out of it but it has been consuming her ALOT.. and if its just hook ups i wouldnt be hearing about him constantly or what i thimk about this or that.. when it comes to him.. she is always saying i would stop if i knew he didnt care..???trying to understand.. I dont think he is a robot by no means but she is a sliver of his life in that saspect if even that and i think he is becoming much more in hers!
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