EricaH329 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) In my last thread, I briefly mentioned feeling as though I was not 'good enough' for the guy I was dating. To make a long story short, I broke things off with him (for other reasons, as many of you know) but he wanted to make things work so we decided to give it another shot. Last night, we went out with a group of people that I used to hang out with (and haven't seen since) middle school and highschool. It was really great seeing them again. We all had a few beers, reminisced, and caught up. It was the 'catching up' part that really made me feel bad. All of them went to college and have awesome careers. Most of them work for the government. I remember listening to them talk about their jobs, and being terrified of them getting to me and asking me what I do now. I had briefly mentioned living in another state, and one of them said, "Oh wow! You went to school there?!" I told him I did, but it was a community college. He asked what degree I got, I told him I didn't graduate. They asked what I do now, I told them nothing (I just got laid off). They were all extremely nice about everything, complimenting me on the things that I do have going for me (surprisingly, all of them have awesome jobs but all still live at home). I felt absolutely horrible about myself. I felt bad that the guy i'm dating had to show up with me, i'm sure it looks bad on him too. It really breaks my heart to have to admit any of this. It isn't a pity party, I feel more sad about the fact that I feel this way about myself. I shouldn't feel humiliated to be around people who accomplished something in their life, and I shouldn't feel humiliated to date someone because they are doing well for themselves. I don't know how to shake this feeling. I almost cried last night I was so embarrassed. Edited June 3, 2011 by EricaH329
denisss Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I feel like this too sometimes if I'm surrounded by certain kinds of people, but the way I get over it is by reminding myself that what's right for those people isn't what's right for me. What they do is great, but it isn't me, and I will continue to strive for what I want rather than basing my goals on what I think other people might expect of me. So you're going through a difficult time, but that doesn't mean you can't bounce back, and part of that bouncing back will involve your relationship. He clearly wants to support you in what you're doing, and you can feed off that.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 I feel like this too sometimes if I'm surrounded by certain kinds of people, but the way I get over it is by reminding myself that what's right for those people isn't what's right for me. What they do is great, but it isn't me, and I will continue to strive for what I want rather than basing my goals on what I think other people might expect of me. So you're going through a difficult time, but that doesn't mean you can't bounce back, and part of that bouncing back will involve your relationship. He clearly wants to support you in what you're doing, and you can feed off that. I know you are right, but I can't bring myself to fully accept it for some reason. I think the main problem may be that I realize I made some bad decisions in my life. I really should be (and want to be) exactly where they are. It didn't seem as though they were judging me, they are all extremely nice and polite. I just felt embarrassed. Back in middle school and highschool, I was considered 'popular'. I didn't even realize this until I talked to the guy i'm now dating, and having conversations with the people I met up with last night. One guy actually said, "I remember you wore your back pack on one shoulder, and when I asked you why you did that, you said it was because it was 'cool'. Then I started wearing my back pack the same way." And then immediately following that statement, someone had asked me what i'm doing with myself now. It just made me feel like such a loser. I should have done things differently, I should have done more, I should be where they are. I was the only one at that table last night that had nothing to contribute to the conversation when they were talking about their jobs and college life.
vsmini Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I'm quoting someone else here - and I don't know who. An unhappy person undervalues what they have and overvalues what other people have. Grass is always greener - and yea, I know it's tough...because when someone else has a solid job and you can't find one...the grass actually is greener in that respect but it doesn't have to take over your life like this. You're losing the good things you do have because you're so caught up in what others have. You say you should have done this or that. Take action now..because if you stand still in this position you'll look back at today, 10 years from now and say, "I should have started right then."
Nexus One Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Erica, if you have trouble finding a new job, then consider starting your own business. Use the skills and knowledge that you have and choose something that you're good at, choose a market that you know and/or have network connections to. Open a text file on your computer and start writing down ideas for businesses, business models and profit mechanisms. Also try reading entrepreneur forums to see what other people are doing and to get inspiration.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 Oh come on, they have -government- jobs? Never be envious of someone who works for the government. Keep plugging away to make it in the private sector, you will be glad you did. They are probably thinking, "look at her, still has options, and I sold out like a wuss!" You could be right! They do seem pretty happy though. I know the guy i'm dating is proud of what he does. It isn't even so much that they have government jobs, but they have stable careers, just as anyone else my age should. I'm quoting someone else here - and I don't know who. An unhappy person undervalues what they have and overvalues what other people have. Grass is always greener - and yea, I know it's tough...because when someone else has a solid job and you can't find one...the grass actually is greener in that respect but it doesn't have to take over your life like this. You're losing the good things you do have because you're so caught up in what others have. You say you should have done this or that. Take action now..because if you stand still in this position you'll look back at today, 10 years from now and say, "I should have started right then." You're right. I know I shouldn't be focusing on what they have, and what I don't. Under any other circumstance I wouldn't. But being in the situation I was in last night, just made me feel extremely embarrassed. Since I really like the guy i'm dating, i'm going to be hanging out with that crowd more often. I have to somehow come to terms with my situation. As far as taking action now, i'm actually a bit optimistic (as hard as that may be to believe, considering this thread). Being laid off is actually forcing me to find a more stable job, and a job in which I can actually turn into a career. Until that happens, though, i'm stuck feeling like a loser. I've been debating whether or not to talk to the guy i'm dating about this. Since i've been laid off, he's been extremely supportive. I'm staying at his place for a few days so we can spend time together, and this morning when he left for work, he gave me some advice about where to look for a job and wished me the best of luck. He encourages me to find a job I deserve (my last job was crap). On the one hand, I feel like i'm lucky to be with someone that is in the position they are in and isn't judgmental about my situation. On the other hand, I feel like maybe he is encouraging me to do better because he doesn't want to stay with someone that's in my position. I hate feeling this way about myself. I never have before, and because of that, i'm not too sure how to deal with it or the doubts I have about myself.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 Yep, exactly, it's like a guy living in a cardboard box, sees the guy next to him gnawing on a rat and thinks "Mmmm I could sure do with a tasty rat right about now." And the other guy's thinking, "Damn it looks like rain, sure would like to have that box right about now." So the dude with the box grabs a broken beer bottle and yells, "GIMME THAT F-ING RAT, and all your cigs while you're at it!!" and the other guy runs off screaming and has an acid flashback, grabs a cellphone from a passerby, escapes down the street, trades the cellphone to a Korean grocer for a 40 oz and a lottery ticket and WINS THE LOTTERY! Something like that. :lmao: Are you comparing me to a homeless person living in a cardboard box that wants to eat a rat?! Can I be the homeless person that wins the lottery instead?
Author EricaH329 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 OF COURSE you are the one who wins the lottery!! That's the moral, some time life takes your rat away, but a 40 oz and a lottery ticket could be just around the corner! On my way to the beer store now :laugh:
iJester Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Do have any direction or plan? Any skills that a company might need?
Author EricaH329 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 Do have any direction or plan? Any skills that a company might need? Well, I don't have a college degree, but I have a ton of customer service experience. I currently have a few interviews lined up at a couple of banks and a health insurance company. I'm looking for something more stable that I can possibly turn into a career. It's just so hard because the economy is complete crap, and without a degree it's even harder.
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