speedbird333 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Hei, me my gf broke up 2 months ago. LDR for 3 years with future plans, she left me and she was very confused. Chased her very much and then decided to go NC. I went NC to help me not to get her back. She keeps calling and texting with excuses, to see how I am or show me her paintings and me stupid to love her I answer because I want her back. How do I use NC to make it better? I want her back, should I tell her to give me space or answer to her when she calls. Many books advice not to contact your ex but NONE says what to do when they call.... Very confused and would appreciate some guidance as I love her.
smudge21 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Every situation is different. You say she left, for what reason? I'm guessing she didn't go off with someone else, so it sounds like she's been away from you and is now realising her mistake. It's true that we often only realise what we've got when it's gone. You want her back and she's making contact, personally as there was no-one else involved (she just left) I would consider talking to her, but on your terms. She hurt you when she left, no she has to repair those wounds and prove she's worthy of you. If you take her back without clearing the air and being honest then you're just risking it happening all over again. In the end, only you can decide what to do. This place can only advise.
Author speedbird333 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 We actually spoke about us a months ago but she said it was to late to sort it out but i am the man of her life....
smudge21 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Remind her of what she said - not in a nasty way, just to get her viewpoint now. You've gone NC because that's what she wanted. Ask her to be honest with you and explain everything.
Exit Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) If that is what she said, that "there is no going back", and if you won't be able to heal and get over her if she is still contacting you, then you just need to be honest and tell her. There is no mystery about what to do or some "nc rule" to refer to. You tell her you still care about her, and some part of you loves to still be in touch with her, but this part of you also wants her back and wants the love back, and you don't want to be mislead if her texts and calls mean nothing. So say to her you still want her back, and if her texts and calls are not going to lead anything, that as much as you enjoy hearing from her, they will have to stop. This'll either motivate her to make up her mind to make an effort, or she will have to go away. She left you, she doesn't deserve to still be able to hear from you and feel like you are part of her life. Make her live up to the choice she made, a choice to live without "the man of her life". And don't let yourself believe that voice in your head that thinks "she must want this to work itself out, and if I pressure her and tell her to decide before she is ready, I'm going to end up ruining it". No no no, you could do that to yourself for years. You know you are stuck right now and not getting over her and that has to stop. So don't be afraid to have your own personal boundaries and standards. If someone you love wants to be in touch with you, they should want to work on the relationship. If not, she needs to stop. Edited June 3, 2011 by Exit
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