youaretheone Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 This is something important for me so I will really appreciate if you could read till the end and provide some insight. I am 21 and I am having difficulties to keep an erection with my girlfriend in bed. I have performance anxiety. I opened up to her and she was more than helpful. She told me we will get over this together and she doesn't care if it happens because she loves every single thing about me and could just hug me and lay there and it's enough for her. I really love her for it, for her patience and support. Last night, I stayed at her place. We were playing around naked and I lost my erection again. It is like a vicious cycle so I get upset and sensitive about it easily. She offered to watch porn together and I was trying to explain to her why I don't want to do it because I want to get accustomed to the feeling and vision of the naked body of the woman I love next to me and porn would ruin it. I was trying to tell her having her so innocent and naked lying next to me is totally a new concept of beauty for me and then she made a joke like "So your previous concept of beauty was women in porn with big boobs?". Because of my insecurity about this issue, I got offended quickly and told her that it looks like she is not taking it seriously. Then she gets offended and says she didn't intend to hurt me at all and a joke doesn't mean that she doesn't take it seriously. Then I told her it is pretty sensitive for me and making jokes is not a good place for it. Afterwards, she apologizes crying and I admit I took it more serious than it should be and say sorry if I hurt her without noticing. Then we decide that making jokes about it and taking it not this serious would help me more with this problem instead of ruining the mood with arguments like this. I thought it would be a good idea to have an objective wiev about this issue and some advice on what to do next time it comes up to avoid such conflicts. We have a wonderful relationship and I feel very lucky to have such a caring girl with me and I don't want to ruin it because of my insecurities in bed.
SomewhatExperienced Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I remember having the same problem at about the same age, even a little younger I think. Exact same reasons. If I remember correctly what fixed it was a night where we were both drinking. We didn't get totally smashed, just enough to loosen up. It allowed me to forget about the worry of it not getting up and just focus of having a good time. After that it was like I realized that I could sustain a reaction so I wasn't scared that I wouldn't be able to anymore. So I won't say go out drinking to fix it, but hopefully you'll find yourself in a position where you stop thinking about it just because of the circumstances, and it will kind of fix itself.
Titania22 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 What a thoughtful answer P&R! You don't need drugs youaretheone. Just a bit of patience and to take the pressure off. Erections come and go, focus on your foreplay, and if she is ready and you happen to be hard at that moment go for it, if you aren't just keep doing the foreplay until you are again.
P&R Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 What a thoughtful answer P&R! You don't need drugs youaretheone. Just a bit of patience and to take the pressure off. Erections come and go, focus on your foreplay, and if she is ready and you happen to be hard at that moment go for it, if you aren't just keep doing the foreplay until you are again. At least I defered him to a doctor!
Author youaretheone Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 Thanks to all who have replied. Maybe you should talk to a doctor about Viagra? I am not a fan of using Viagra actually. I thought about this but I am sure it is completely physchological, because I can get it up during masturbation. If I remember correctly what fixed it was a night where we were both drinking. We didn't get totally smashed, just enough to loosen up. It allowed me to forget about the worry of it not getting up and just focus of having a good time. I will try this one. One night when we were out, we had some wine and it made me feel a little bit dizzy. Then we came home and I could keep it hard for a few seconds at least. You don't need drugs youaretheone. Just a bit of patience and to take the pressure off. Erections come and go, focus on your foreplay, and if she is ready and you happen to be hard at that moment go for it, if you aren't just keep doing the foreplay until you are again. We sometimes do foreplay with clothes on and then as soon as I take my pants off to grab the condom, BOOM! I am soft. Do see a doctor, not for viagra. At your age it could be a symptom of something else that needs tending to. In the meantime, what are your masturbation habits? (rhetorical ) Stop masturbating entirely for two weeks. Also try using some lube, if she's tight that can be an erection killer the first few times. Have her put on the lube and stroke you before penetrating, make sure she is lubed up too. Good luck. Once I didn't masturbate for 3 days and then I could penetrate her without losing it. I am also trying to cut porn off my life because I feel like my brain is wired with the images in porn so I am not turned on by the image of a naked woman.
milkmaterial Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 i have a question that might irk other people but i cant help it, are you sexually attracted to your gf? i know you love her and all, i belive that. but my initial question remains..i think it matters, does it? if you got so used to jacking off on porn then your mind is like so used to it, i admit you have the guts to try to get used to being in a relationship and a "real" woman..a lot better than porn stars and solo orgasms.
Author youaretheone Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 i have a question that might irk other people but i cant help it, are you sexually attracted to your gf? i know you love her and all, i belive that. but my initial question remains..i think it matters, does it? if you got so used to jacking off on porn then your mind is like so used to it, i admit you have the guts to try to get used to being in a relationship and a "real" woman..a lot better than porn stars and solo orgasms. Yes I am! I get hard as rock when I see her with a skirt, stockings, in her pyjamas. I am the horniest guy when we are kissing or I am grinding on her. I think what you said second is true. I should get rid of the feeling that my right hand is the only thing that could satisfy me, but I don't know exactly how.
EasyHeart Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 My understanding is that if you have trouble getting an erection, then the problem is likely physical; if you have trouble keeping an erection, the problem is likely psychological. I think the advice to get drunk and relax is actually pretty good. As you've noticed, it becomes a negative cycle where you worry about losing your erection, so you get stressed and the stress causes you to lose your erection. The trick is to find some way to relax enough that you can break the cycle. And women are completely clueless about male sexuality. They don't realize how disturbing it is to literally lose your manhood. They also assume that our ability to achieve and sustain arousal is connected to how attracted we are to a woman, when the exact opposite is really true. My guess is that you really, really like this girl, which leads you to worry about whether you can please her, which leads to stress, which leads to loss of your erection. Our bodies are designed to suppress sexual function when we are stressed. The last thing nature wants us to do is screw when we're starving or being chased by a lion. If you can't find some way to relax and take the pressure off, is there some clinic at school where you could talk to a therapist for ideas? Your problem isn't unusual; it's just usually a taboo topic for men to talk about.
Sh0t Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 i get ED sometimes as well cutting out porn helps me tremendously. It's a huge night and day difference. look up SAAD, the sexual dysfunction I use those herbal pills like Stiff nights, etc. For me, they are incredible. SO much so, I bought 300 dollars worth of Stiff Nights pills a few months ago. Part of my problem is i have a rather large penis, so even hard, I'm kind of "soft" and mushy, but when I take one of the herbal pills, I get scary hard. Maybe they will help you? I think performance issues are usually 50.50 mental/physical. Do not dismiss the physical side of the problem
Kaplan Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 What a thoughtful answer P&R! You don't need drugs youaretheone. Just a bit of patience and to take the pressure off. Erections come and go, focus on your foreplay, and if she is ready and you happen to be hard at that moment go for it, if you aren't just keep doing the foreplay until you are again. That's the best advice, I think. I think if you just forget about your erection and focus on doing other stuff than the erection will probably come back. The fact is you don't even need a penis to have fun with a beautiful naked woman.
Johno22 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 i get ED sometimes as well cutting out porn helps me tremendously. It's a huge night and day difference. look up SAAD, the sexual dysfunction I use those herbal pills like Stiff nights, etc. For me, they are incredible. SO much so, I bought 300 dollars worth of Stiff Nights pills a few months ago. Part of my problem is i have a rather large penis, so even hard, I'm kind of "soft" and mushy, but when I take one of the herbal pills, I get scary hard. Maybe they will help you? I think performance issues are usually 50.50 mental/physical. Do not dismiss the physical side of the problem Hi mate, where do you get this stiff nights pill from? I'm having a similar problem and would like a little enhancer?
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