kymberann Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I have a boyfriend of a little over a year. I am almost 42 and he is 45. I have access to his email account and password. It is stored on my computer at my home and sometimes comes up automatically when I sign in. Just wanted to get that in there to discredit the issue that I am snooping. My boyfriend knows I have access. He just does not know it comes up automatically. Anyway, I noticed about a month back he started a free trial to net flix and in that trial he viewed what would be soft porn. Foreign films about sex and so forth. When i first saw this I was shocked, disappointed. It kept a history of the movies he had watched and some were before we got together. That I don't care about. And now just recently. Since I noticed this I of course check often! That I will admit to. One is a Japanese foreign flick, rather stupid I think of one couple just going at it. Some are romantic, and steamy no doubt! The majority are couples. or man and woman, so far. I started to track this with our own sex life and if he is more in to being intimate with me when he has watched one of the movies. I can't find a correlation and it has been random. He watched 9 minutes of one of the movies dated today and so I tested him....called him up and told him I was horny, thinking of him and wanted him. I didn't get the response I thought I would. Could that be an indication of anything? Anyways...what do youy guys think? Is it cheating? Part of me says yes, because if i don't know and he keeps it a secret, then he knows I would be hurt, but then he is older, needs visualization, but then am I not good enough? Sort of scattered here and don't really know what to think of it. Ideas? Thoughts?
P&R Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I have a boyfriend of a little over a year. I am almost 42 and he is 45. I have access to his email account and password. It is stored on my computer at my home and sometimes comes up automatically when I sign in. Just wanted to get that in there to discredit the issue that I am snooping. My boyfriend knows I have access. He just does not know it comes up automatically. Anyway, I noticed about a month back he started a free trial to net flix and in that trial he viewed what would be soft porn. Foreign films about sex and so forth. When i first saw this I was shocked, disappointed. It kept a history of the movies he had watched and some were before we got together. That I don't care about. And now just recently. Since I noticed this I of course check often! That I will admit to. One is a Japanese foreign flick, rather stupid I think of one couple just going at it. Some are romantic, and steamy no doubt! The majority are couples. or man and woman, so far. I started to track this with our own sex life and if he is more in to being intimate with me when he has watched one of the movies. I can't find a correlation and it has been random. He watched 9 minutes of one of the movies dated today and so I tested him....called him up and told him I was horny, thinking of him and wanted him. I didn't get the response I thought I would. Could that be an indication of anything? Anyways...what do youy guys think? Is it cheating? Part of me says yes, because if i don't know and he keeps it a secret, then he knows I would be hurt, but then he is older, needs visualization, but then am I not good enough? Sort of scattered here and don't really know what to think of it. Ideas? Thoughts? Everyone has different boundaries but men looking at porn is common even in the context of a committed relationship. Again many women don't consider it cheating and even accept it, but, again everyone has different boundaries.
Author kymberann Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 Man.......... talk about erroneous conclusions!!! I was asking for feedback...not a judgement call...Sounds like YOU are guilty of something!!!
P&R Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Man.......... talk about erroneous conclusions!!! I was asking for feedback...not a judgement call...Sounds like YOU are guilty of something!!! Us men are visual creatures... which is why the porn industry is a multi billion dollar enterprise. Him looking at porn does not mean that he thinks that you're not good enough. I know men who still would look at porn even if they were getting it 3 times a day from a partner who is amazing in bed.
PegNosePete Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Man.......... talk about erroneous conclusions!!! I was asking for feedback... What would you like to hear? Maybe if you tell us that in advance, it will make it easier for us to tell you it. I agree with the others, many men watch porn even if they love their GF and are getting it 3 times a day. If you can't accept that then you need to find someone who does not do it.
Woman In Blue Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Kymberann, I honestly think it would be extremely naive of any woman to think she's the only thing in the world that should be turning her man on - and that he's 'cheating' if she isn't. If you're using the Biblical argument that he shouldn't be desiring someone else because he'd be cheating in his heart and he should gouge his eye out instead, then it would follow that you also shouldn't be having sex outside of marriage because that, too, is considered a sin. Not sure if you were coming at it from that angle or not. LOL. Back in the day, young boys would find their father's Playboy magazine stash and peek at them; nowadays, porn is much easier to find and literally at everyone's fingertips. As someone else said, it's an industry that generates billions of dollars because it's human nature for most men (and lots of women) to want to be visually stimulated. I just think when women try to make men behave the way they think a man should, they're just setting themselves up for failure. Men don't think like women - they're hardwired differently. Just because you don't care for porn and/or see it as 'cheating,' doesn't mean he has to feel the same way you do - or he's wrong. Personally, I'd rather my boyfriend be at his place watching "Pizza Delivery Girls" than out at the nudie bar getting a cheap thrill.
mr.dream merchant Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Kymberann, I honestly think it would be extremely naive of any woman to think she's the only thing in the world that should be turning her man on - and that he's 'cheating' if she isn't. If you're using the Biblical argument that he shouldn't be desiring someone else because he'd be cheating in his heart and he should gouge his eye out instead, then it would follow that you also shouldn't be having sex outside of marriage because that, too, is considered a sin. Not sure if you were coming at it from that angle or not. LOL. Back in the day, young boys would find their father's Playboy magazine stash and peek at them; nowadays, porn is much easier to find and literally at everyone's fingertips. As someone else said, it's an industry that generates billions of dollars because it's human nature for most men (and lots of women) to want to be visually stimulated. I just think when women try to make men behave the way they think a man should, they're just setting themselves up for failure. Men don't think like women - they're hardwired differently. Just because you don't care for porn and/or see it as 'cheating,' doesn't mean he has to feel the same way you do - or he's wrong. Personally, I'd rather my boyfriend be at his place watching "Pizza Delivery Girls" than out at the nudie bar getting a cheap thrill. Somebody give this woman a ****ing medal! Better yet, marry me. I'll be faithful for a good year. :/
Lucky_One Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 He's 45. He masturbated while he watched the movie today, so when you called him and told him you were horny and wanted him, he wasn't in the mood to come jump on it. Most 45 year old guys need a bit more refractory time than that! Porn usage isn't that big of a deal. If he was watching nuns screw donkeys, or 10 year olds, or tranny-male-on-male, then I would be upset. But couples? Pffft that's pretty mainstream.
Mimolicious Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 How is this cheating? How is he "bonding" with people on a flick? If I would have not known your age, I would have thought this was coming from a much much younger poster. Are you THAT conservative? Just wondering... I totally agree with L1.
Silivren Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I'm sorry I have to jump in here... I frequently see women posting about being upset when their men watch porn and I don't really understand what the problem is. I'm a woman - and you know what? Sometimes when my bf isn't home and I feel "in the mood" I will watch porn by myself. I don't find anything wrong with him doing the same. In fact I know he usually "takes care" of himself in the shower in the morning every day and that doesn't bother me either. It doesn't get in the way of our sex life.
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