LALALandLover Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Yet he wants to hang out with me, and more. He's intelligent, artsy, kind, fun ... and 24 years younger than me (I'm in my late forties, he's in his mid-twenties). He says I'm more interesting and intelligent than the girls he meets. He really wants to see me. I'm a bit freaked out. We were just neighbors chatting it up, when suddenly...! I don't want to run away from the first nice guy I've met in ages, but on the other hand, this has no long-term potential. I've longed to meet a nice guy my age but the good ones really are married. What's a woman to do???
Mike B. Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 You seem to know what you are looking for and he seems to not fit the description. Just like you don't want to run away from the first nice guy you met in ages I also wouldn't run off with the first nice guy you met in ages.
Author LALALandLover Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 Easier said than done, but good advice!
Mike B. Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Easier said than done, but good advice! He is 24 years younger than you. I don't think it is very likely that he will want to settle down with you giving the age gap but it is not unheard of. You said that you were freaked out too. Is he someone that you can truly see yourself dating or is he just someone that is nice to you and there are not many others knocking at the door? If you are ok with at least a fling then there wouldn't be any harm in going out with him to get a feel for things but there should not be any misunderstandings.
gaius Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) You never know, it could last a few dates or it could last 10 years. The potential really isn't that much different from a guy your own age. Don't waste this opportunity if guys you're into don't come along that often. He is 24 years younger than you. I don't think it is very likely that he will want to settle down with you giving the age gap but it is not unheard of. You said that you were freaked out too. Many older guys aren't looking to settle down either. I know age gaps this big that have worked long term. Edited June 3, 2011 by gaius
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 How about while you're still looking for the right guy, have some fun and bone this one in the meantime. If you're both single there's no harm done.
Mike B. Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 You never know, it could last a few dates or it could last 10 years. The potential really isn't that much different from a guy your own age. Don't waste this opportunity if guys you're into don't come along that often. Many older guys aren't looking to settle down either. I know age gaps this big that have worked long term. I know. That's why I said that it's not unheard of.
gaius Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I know. That's why I said that it's not unheard of. I was agreeing with you. How about while you're still looking for the right guy, have some fun and bone this one in the meantime. If you're both single there's no harm done. That works too.
Cee Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I'm in the same boat. I'm dating someone 17 years younger than me (he's 24). I'll give you the good news first. It is a normal, happy relationship without any weirdness around age. He doesn't fetishize it and insists it means nothing to him. We've been together for 4+ months and we have a loving and secure relationship. Our friends like us and we fit in each other's social worlds. He has a friend who is 38 and his girlfriend of 13 years is 51. The friend pulled me aside one night and said I should relax and go with it. That was comforting to me. But I won't lie to you. In the present, we are wonderful and happy. But I fear that somewhere down the line, he will want a woman closer to his age. I look good at 41 with few wrinkles and very little gray hair. I haven't gone through menopause and I can keep up with him in the bedroom and on a running track. But, when he turns 30, I will be nearing 50. I can't imagine that he will want a woman that will die on him. However, I must grab this happiness while I can. I love him and he treats me better than any man in a very long time. If we have a great love that is temporary, I will be satisfied with that. I would be heartbroken, but him coming into my life has been a great gift. In summary, I live in the moment with my boyfriend. The anxiety I feel for the future is miniscule compared to the happiness I feel in the present. My age has given me the wisdom to know that most relationships fail for one reason or another. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't find love where we can. Good luck and I hope you keep posting. It's nice to have a kindred spirit here.
Mike B. Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 However, I must grab this happiness while I can. I love him and he treats me better than any man in a very long time. If we have a great love that is temporary, I will be satisfied with that. I would be heartbroken, but him coming into my life has been a great gift. In summary, I live in the moment with my boyfriend. The anxiety I feel for the future is miniscule compared to the happiness I feel in the present. My age has given me the wisdom to know that most relationships fail for one reason or another. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't find love where we can. This is a great attitude and how I would encourage anyone to look at the situation if they were to get involved with someone younger or older.
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Yet he wants to hang out with me, and more. He's intelligent, artsy, kind, fun ... and 24 years younger than me (I'm in my late forties, he's in his mid-twenties). He says I'm more interesting and intelligent than the girls he meets. He really wants to see me. I'm a bit freaked out. We were just neighbors chatting it up, when suddenly...! I don't want to run away from the first nice guy I've met in ages, but on the other hand, this has no long-term potential. I've longed to meet a nice guy my age but the good ones really are married. What's a woman to do??? He's a neighbour? That's crap, that the good ones are married..There are TONS of single great guys out there!
Author LALALandLover Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 I'm in the same boat. I'm dating someone 17 years younger than me (he's 24). I'll give you the good news first. It is a normal, happy relationship without any weirdness around age. He doesn't fetishize it and insists it means nothing to him. We've been together for 4+ months and we have a loving and secure relationship. Our friends like us and we fit in each other's social worlds. He has a friend who is 38 and his girlfriend of 13 years is 51. The friend pulled me aside one night and said I should relax and go with it. That was comforting to me. But I won't lie to you. In the present, we are wonderful and happy. But I fear that somewhere down the line, he will want a woman closer to his age. I look good at 41 with few wrinkles and very little gray hair. I haven't gone through menopause and I can keep up with him in the bedroom and on a running track. But, when he turns 30, I will be nearing 50. I can't imagine that he will want a woman that will die on him. However, I must grab this happiness while I can. I love him and he treats me better than any man in a very long time. If we have a great love that is temporary, I will be satisfied with that. I would be heartbroken, but him coming into my life has been a great gift. In summary, I live in the moment with my boyfriend. The anxiety I feel for the future is miniscule compared to the happiness I feel in the present. My age has given me the wisdom to know that most relationships fail for one reason or another. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't find love where we can. Good luck and I hope you keep posting. It's nice to have a kindred spirit here. I think that's the key - take it one day at a time and just enjoy the moments. I actually worry more about hurting his feelings than mine. But we'll see - it's all so early. This is just so surprising. Btw - the last guy I saw, briefly, was still 15 years younger. I'm really not looking in that age range, but I have a lot of energy so I tend to catch the eye of guys in that age range....!
TheLawmaker Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Maybe he's a cougar chaser? Quite possible. That doesn't mean that he isn't relationship ready, though. Some guys like mature women.
melodymatters Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I never dated a younger man.....and then I ended up marrying a man 18 yrs my junior. ( pic is in public profile). He lived down the street ( almost a neighbor eh ?) and I met him while walking and we started chatting, and it went from there. He was the best relationship I ever had, and like CEE said, there was no fetishization there : we were both cute and similar in tastes, values, lifestyles. I thought it would be a "fling", but it ended up as mad, true love. As Cee said in another thread " Follow the campsite rule in age differential relationships, leave them better than you found them" He was the one who really wanted to get married, and he LOVED being married, loved wearing a wedding ring, loved saying " My Wife". And, sadly, we never got to break up over " wrinkles" lol, he developed idiopathic epilepsy during our marriage the prescribed drugs were not working and one day walking home, he drowned and died. I don't mean to be a bummer, my point is : you never know whats going to happen, who's going to die first etc, seize the moment and enjoy any love the universe sends your way ! As much as it hurt then and still hurts now, I will never regret my relationship with my sweet, wonderful husband !:love: ( Hey Mike ! I miss and love ya, and yeah, I'm still on loveshack which used to have you rolling your eyes every time you saw me sign on, miss you baby, you still are the BEST GUY EVER !)
leftfordead2 Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I never dated a younger man.....and then I ended up marrying a man 18 yrs my junior. ( pic is in public profile). He lived down the street ( almost a neighbor eh ?) and I met him while walking and we started chatting, and it went from there. He was the best relationship I ever had, and like CEE said, there was no fetishization there : we were both cute and similar in tastes, values, lifestyles. I thought it would be a "fling", but it ended up as mad, true love. As Cee said in another thread " Follow the campsite rule in age differential relationships, leave them better than you found them" He was the one who really wanted to get married, and he LOVED being married, loved wearing a wedding ring, loved saying " My Wife". And, sadly, we never got to break up over " wrinkles" lol, he developed idiopathic epilepsy during our marriage the prescribed drugs were not working and one day walking home, he drowned and died. I don't mean to be a bummer, my point is : you never know whats going to happen, who's going to die first etc, seize the moment and enjoy any love the universe sends your way ! As much as it hurt then and still hurts now, I will never regret my relationship with my sweet, wonderful husband !:love: ( Hey Mike ! I miss and love ya, and yeah, I'm still on loveshack which used to have you rolling your eyes every time you saw me sign on, miss you baby, you still are the BEST GUY EVER !) Sorry to hear that but I'm curious about one thing. How did he drown and die while walking home?
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I never dated a younger man.....and then I ended up marrying a man 18 yrs my junior. ( pic is in public profile). He lived down the street ( almost a neighbor eh ?) and I met him while walking and we started chatting, and it went from there. He was the best relationship I ever had, and like CEE said, there was no fetishization there : we were both cute and similar in tastes, values, lifestyles. I thought it would be a "fling", but it ended up as mad, true love. As Cee said in another thread " Follow the campsite rule in age differential relationships, leave them better than you found them" He was the one who really wanted to get married, and he LOVED being married, loved wearing a wedding ring, loved saying " My Wife". And, sadly, we never got to break up over " wrinkles" lol, he developed idiopathic epilepsy during our marriage the prescribed drugs were not working and one day walking home, he drowned and died. I don't mean to be a bummer, my point is : you never know whats going to happen, who's going to die first etc, seize the moment and enjoy any love the universe sends your way ! As much as it hurt then and still hurts now, I will never regret my relationship with my sweet, wonderful husband !:love: ( Hey Mike ! I miss and love ya, and yeah, I'm still on loveshack which used to have you rolling your eyes every time you saw me sign on, miss you baby, you still are the BEST GUY EVER !) Really sorry to hear.
melodymatters Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Sorry to hear that but I'm curious about one thing. How did he drown and die while walking home? It's an assumption made by myself and the medical examiner who autopsied his body. He was seizing on an every three day basis and we knew one would be coming on shortly. He left with a neighbor to go play pool and have a beer while the neighbor did his laundry at approx 7pm. I felt like he would be in safe hands and that he was a grown male: I couldn't nor would I want to keep him chained in bed with a hockey helmet. It was the 2nd time in our marriage we went out without eachother. The neighbor later confessed to the police ( This got a lot of local play, detectives etc, a horrible 5 days) that he wanted to keep bar hopping and that at one point Mike wanted to come home so he decided to walk. We lived in FL and there were mad rainstorms ( FEMA declared disaster zone, May 20 2009, Daytona Beach, look it up) so the drainage ditches and culverts were 15 feet high and swirling. He could swim, and even a 7 yr old could get to the bank and pull themselves out, but during a grand mal seizure you lose ALL control of your motor functions : I used to worry he would seize walking down a stair case and break his neck. Epileptics die at a rate 23% above your average person, due to the suddeness of seizures coming on, people have died in a shower with 2 inches of water, or hit their head the wrong way. I'm not offended by your question, maybe I raised a little consciousness about epilepsy and the difficulty in living with it : ESPECIALLY WITH NO HEALTH INSURANCE. People talk about how ER's treat, but they treat and release, and tell you to see your own DR for meds and followup, so next time anyone says " People don't really DIE on the streets in the US due to lack of health care".... OH YES THEY DO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
melodymatters Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 ...AND, this thread is for LaLa, sorry it veered off topic.... I think you figured out MY view point though : GO FOR IT ! Be super honest and insist he is too, and if you're wise, it will only be a life enhancer for both however it works out. I find that relationships outside the "norm" tend to be more open and honest than when two "perfect on paper" couples hook up !
johan Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Getting involved with a neighbor is probably not a good idea. But I would be suspicious that his attraction to an older woman is some thing like a fetish, meaning it will be a bit more like a conquest for him than a matter of sincere admiration. And that's not to imply that you aren't an attractive woman. But the age difference should really be causing him to think twice.
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