lissax Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I need some advice. Completely unbiased, truthful advice my friends can't give me. This might be a little long but I really need the help. I was dating my boyfriend for 7 months. I'm 19 and he's the longest, realest relationship I've had. When I'm with him it feels like home, everything just feels right. Even if we were fighting or not getting along there's was no one else I've ever wanted more. After about 5 months, we broke up. I broke up with him because he tends to talk before he thinks and the comments that came out of his mouth really started to hurt me. It made me feel completely replaceable and not special to him whatsoever. The break up hurt at first but I felt myself letting go, moving on. Then on his 21st birthday, about 6 weeks later, I received a drunk phone call from him. I let it go to voice mail and then listened to it, he told me how much he missed me and how amazing of a girl I was, stuff like that. Two days later I got the courage to text him about it, it brought up everything I thought I had forgotten and I missed him. We talked a lot that day, then he told me how he signed up for the coast guard. I didn't think much about it. We got together 3 days later and got back together. It was perfect, better then ever. Then he told me he had a date that he was leaving to go to boot camp. I was caught off guard, I had totally forgotten about it. The date made it seem all too real and I started to get scared. He had lost his way for a little bit and thought the coast guard was perfect, it would give him a job for life, he'd be making decent money, he'd have a purpose. The more excited he got the more I found myself closed off. I didn't know why I was so against the whole thing, he promised he'd right me when he was away at boot camp, he promised we would be fine. Then one night we were talking and he said something that just made me push him away. He said that he'd probably be only coming home 4 times a year once he got stationed. I had so many thoughts. I'm 19 years old, do I want this long distance relationship? What if he leaves and forgets me? What if he meets someone new and I'm stuck here with everything reminding me of him? How do I feel okay when the person that makes me feel like home is hundreds of miles away? What if I never see him again? I got terrified and all I could do was push him away. I didn't even really mean to, it's almost like I was doing it a sub-conscience way. When he would invite me out all I could do was think of excuses that I couldn't go, and once I'd be off the phone all I could think was "Why didn't I want to go out with him?" I didn't want to open my heart to him anymore, I didn't want to share things with him anymore, I wanted to be shut off so when he left it wouldn't hurt as much. Because of this on May 28th he broke up with me. He told me he can't be with a girl who isn't putting any effort into a relationship. He told me I was the first girl to care about this much in a long time, that I was amazing, that he didn't want to let this go, but had to because of me and what I was doing. He didn't know why I was doing it, I never told him my fear and my worries. It's only been 5 days and this has been the only thing I can think about. I want to call him, or text him, and tell him why I was pushing him away. I want all his time while he's still here. Even if he forgets about me I want his final months here with me, so I can give him something to remember while he's gone. I want him, I want the feeling back I get when I was with him. My friends are telling me to just let it go, this is just me hurting right now, every girl wants their ex back at first. That I shouldn't text him, I just need to go through the motions and just move on. I've never been something serious so I don't know how to react to what I'm feeling, all I know is I want him back. I just wanted advice on what you would do? My friends have their opinions because they know him, and didn't like him, which I don't know why. So maybe that's why they're telling me to let go. I don't know. Just what would you do? Let it go? Or get it back?
ShatteredReality Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 In any successful relationship communication will be key. If you want to tell him your fears and why you have acted the way that you have then you need to tell him. Maybe you aren't ready for a LDR and maybe him being gone all but four times a year will be too much for you, but you will feel better about yourself for having told these things to him also. At the very least it would be a form of closure...
gaius Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 In any successful relationship communication will be key. If you want to tell him your fears and why you have acted the way that you have then you need to tell him. Maybe you aren't ready for a LDR and maybe him being gone all but four times a year will be too much for you, but you will feel better about yourself for having told these things to him also. At the very least it would be a form of closure... Agreed. 9 times out of 10 I would agree with your friends advice not to contact him but in this case I think you should. Tell him exactly what you told us.
cookiecrumbles Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Yes i think you need to be honest with him, even if being honest still means it wont work out, you will feel much better getting it all of your chest! Communication is very important and obviously you not communicating led to him breaking up with you. Just let him know what you have told us here, how your scared, and if he really loves you he will understand and you guys will be able to work on it or else least you know you tried and you put your feelings out there and made that effort. Good luck!
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