bookbug Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and things seem to be really great, but recently i've found out that he has not been very forthcoming with information. For example: telling me he was 'hanging out' and talking to me about how much laundry he had to do, leaving me to believe he was at home when he was actually at a friend's house 'hanging out'. Or going to really expensive restaurants with co-workers and telling me they 'went out to eat dinner' while we budget expenses, and making lunch plans with a mutal female friend and forgetting to mention it. He was very apologetic and explained that he rationalized it to himself that he was not actually lying, just not being upfront with information because he didn't want me to get upset. My question is: How do you deal with this sort of thing and how do you stay in a relationship with a bf who hides truths and not become the gf who has to ask for every nagging detail of their day?
NoReallyThatHappened Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 To me a half truth is the same as a lie. I personally could not stay in a relationship where the other person was intentionally hiding things from me. I see you have been together a long time, so leaving might not be an easy option for you. I suggest talking to him about it. Let him know it's NOT ok to do this anymore. For a relationship to really work both partners have to be able to be themselves all the time. It doesn't sound like he feels comfortable being himself and being honest with you.
Janesays Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 If he knows you'd want to know something, and he purposely keeps it from you, he's lying. Plain and simple to me.
vsmini Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) The ex and I ended over this kind of thing. He says he wasn't lying just omitting things. Yea - ok. Took him to Boston for his Bday for a Red Sox game and weekend at hotel and he told his friends he was just going to Boston. Would never mention me. If they asked him what he was doing or what he did the night prior he would say "oh nothing, just came home and went to bed." No - he was out at a concert and dinner date with me. Red flag. Once I caught him and started demanding answers he choked and tripped over some stupid reason of wanting to still keep up the image of being independent. Why am I telling you this? It was a huge red flag that I ignored for far too long. Do not make excuses. Tell him this has to change. Who cares about nagging? Since when is wanting the man, (the man you choose to spend your life with) to be honest with you, nagging? He can stop hearing your nagging after he's earned the right to not hear it and has earned your trust. Edited June 3, 2011 by vsmini
BobSacamento Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Why do you need to know where and what he is doing 24/7? The idea of giving a GF agenda of your day destroys any sense of independence. If plans change during the day do you require him to call you to give you updates? Nightmare.
fishtaco Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 My ex-girlfriend said she was going to the bathroom, but she did not disclose if she was doing #1 or #2, that's the same as lying. Look ladies, if you want to end the relationship, have the balls to just do it. You don't need to come up with a reason.
vsmini Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 It's called being economical with the truth HA. Yea - so take a look at this investment and run. It's circumstantial - This guy sounds like he could be down the middle - do you have any examples of omitting or lying that made you think he was cheating on you or gave the impression that he didn't want to be in a relationship with you?
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